New Member Introducing Myself

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

My name is Crystal & I am 23. I am glad I actually started trying to

find resources to help me cope with my family. I am hoping being able

to talk about my mother's borderline behavior with other people who

truly understand what it is like will help me cope with living with

her. I don't really have anyone in my life who can really understand

what it is like. I just recently moved back in after graduating from

college. I am taking a year off before applying to grad school, so I

am living back home again with my borderline mother and my functional

alcoholic father, and my brother who is never home. My mother

recently ran us into thousands of dollars of debt without telling

anyone (she was in charge of the family finances) and she has

continually tried to blame it on me. It is very frustrating every day

when I have to have encounters with her. My father enables her

behavior when he is not drinking, and my brother just leaves all the

time so he doesn't have to deal with it. Her inability to take

responsibility for anything and always feeling like I am the parent

(as I have felt my whole life in my family) really wears on me. She

is always telling me to " stop lecturing her and my father " , but it's

sort of impossible not to point out what the mature thing to do would

be when they are incapable of figuring it out on their own. They

always come to me for advice, but then the next day they are not

wanting to be " lectured " after they asked me for help solving a

problem. I am also very enmeshed with my mother and trying to

differentiate myself and now that I have been home I can't hardly

wait to go away to grad school where I can feel sane. The whole

situation is very sad and depressing for me because I want my family

to get better but I know that's not possible. Mostly I want to learn

to not get pulled into her traps and manipulations in the first

place. This is the first time I have seeked out resources to help me

cope with my mother's behavior, and her parents who are even worse,

and I am not sure where to start. I have finally completely cut off

communication with my grandparents, and my life is better since then.

Any advice would be much appriciated! Thanks!

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> My name is Crystal & I am 23. I am glad I actually started trying to

> find resources to help me cope with my family. I am hoping being able

> to talk about my mother's borderline behavior with other people who

> truly understand what it is like will help me cope with living with

> her. I don't really have anyone in my life who can really understand

> what it is like. I just recently moved back in after graduating from

> college. I am taking a year off before applying to grad school, so I

> am living back home again with my borderline mother and my functional

> alcoholic father, and my brother who is never home. My mother

> recently ran us into thousands of dollars of debt without telling

> anyone (she was in charge of the family finances) and she has

> continually tried to blame it on me. It is very frustrating every day

> when I have to have encounters with her. My father enables her

> behavior when he is not drinking, and my brother just leaves all the

> time so he doesn't have to deal with it. Her inability to take

> responsibility for anything and always feeling like I am the parent

> (as I have felt my whole life in my family) really wears on me. She

> is always telling me to " stop lecturing her and my father " , but it's

> sort of impossible not to point out what the mature thing to do would

> be when they are incapable of figuring it out on their own. They

> always come to me for advice, but then the next day they are not

> wanting to be " lectured " after they asked me for help solving a

> problem. I am also very enmeshed with my mother and trying to

> differentiate myself and now that I have been home I can't hardly

> wait to go away to grad school where I can feel sane. The whole

> situation is very sad and depressing for me because I want my family

> to get better but I know that's not possible. Mostly I want to learn

> to not get pulled into her traps and manipulations in the first

> place. This is the first time I have seeked out resources to help me

> cope with my mother's behavior, and her parents who are even worse,

> and I am not sure where to start. I have finally completely cut off

> communication with my grandparents, and my life is better since then.

> Any advice would be much appriciated! Thanks!

>

Hi Crystal,

I am 22 and am also studying as a graduate. I have returned home for

the summer holidays, and have found my home situation amazingly

similar to your own, I also parent my parents and am then told off for

trying to help (when it is obviously needed), and have started to

notice other abnormal behaviours in my nada, which I previously did

not notice before I discovered BPD. I really sympathise with you, I

couldn't stand being back at home and after two weeks moved into a

flat with other students who are also on holiday, although it has made

my holiday period much harder financially it has been more than

worthwhile for me in all other aspects.

My advice: I spent as much time as possible away from home, if you

can't move out then find work, a hobbie, or something to do to get out

of the house. And spend time with friends, for me it does wonders just

to be in a comfortable situation for a while.