Esti---> BPD MOM

[Guest guest]

Esti,

I used to feel this way about my nada.  After she would put me through some sort

of nastiness about what a piece of crap I was, she would call a week later like

nothing ever happened.  When I tried to go LC she never seemed to notice other

than chide me with 'why haven't you called me so I can talk to my grandkids?'. 

I put off going NC bc I felt guilty withholding the grandkids from her.

Big_mistake.

If_she_can_be_abusive_to_you .............

she_CAN_AND_WILL_be_abusive_to_YOUR_KIDS.

Now, I know that sounds harsh and maybe your nada doesn't lash out and rage. 

Well mine doesn't rage either.  She's passive-agressive and ended up locking my

2 year old in a room and saying horrible things to both of them (2 and 3 at the

time) and treating the 2 year old like crap by purposely spoiling the 3 year old

in front of her sister etc. etc. etc.

My situation really doesn't matter.  The bottom line is that YOU have recognized

her as a 'nada'.  Why do you think for ONE moment she won't find a way to put

YOUR children through what she put YOU through on some wavelength?

Mental Illness does NOT discriminate.

I'm really sorry if this response seems harsh - I just very passionately feel

for your situation as I have been in your shoes and I paid for it with my little

girls having a horrible experience.  If someone would have sent me an email like

this I would have thought twice and followed my own heart.

Follow your heart - it won't steer you wrong.

(with much empathy)

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tuesday, December 9, 2008 11:06:04 AM

Subject: BPD MOM

I've tried to go LC with nada for past 3 months or so and i am feeling

very healthy about it. The thing is she doesnt really seem to notice.

She calls and leaves sweet messages on my answering machine asking to

speak to the kids. Right now i am not initiating any contact, just

returning phone calls. These messsages make me so upset though. I

dont know whether to keep returning them or not. I dont think i'm

ready to break all contact. I dont want to deny her access to her

grandkids and vice versa. I dont know how to get over the guilt of not

talking to her. For a while I was so worried wondering what was I

going to answer when she asked why I dont call anymore. Now I wonder

why she doesnt notice. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm confused and

although therapy has gotten me to an excellent place, I feel like I'm

standing on a cliff and I dont know whether to jump or not.

Thanks for reading