Re: please need advice again - fathers revenge - thanks

[Guest guest]

Grace,

I think you need to put into word what you what to accomplish, in order of

priority. Then look at your plan (as written in your post) and see how the

steps are going to help accomplish it.

I don't understand the custody issue. My dh is a lawyer and does alot of this

type of work. Have you or the father of the child spoken with a lawyer? Because

you may find it unnecessary to film them. Just the fact he hang around with a

pedeophile (if he was convicted) is plenty of reason to argue the child should

not be there. And if you dont need to film them, you would be able to find ways

to not have to be around them as much instead.

And lastly, when you ask " what have I done?! " . remind yourself that this

dysfunction is not your fault. And if some of the things they do (you feel) is

in reaction to something you've done, it still doesnt make it your fault. That

would be like if you got into an argument with someone and they left and went

and murdered someone. Would it be your fault for the murder? of course not.

be strong,

julie in maine

[Guest guest]

Happy, I truly hope that if you know of a child predator, and you know

that he has molested/raped children, and you feel that children you

know are currently in danger of being abused by this man, then please,

please simply turn him in to the police. Just make a phone call.

-Annie

> Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two of my

> friends for years and his own children – thats all I know of).

[Guest guest]

At 07:15 AM 12/10/2008 happyout wrote:

Your father is exposing your godson to a child molester? Has

this predator been made known to the police in this past or was

what he did hushed up by family members? If a child is in danger

from him, you need to talk to the authorities. Even if he's

never been convicted of his past crimes, make them aware that

there is a potential problem and let them give you some advice

on the best way to procede. If the local cops are already

investigating your father for his threats against other people,

they're likely to be willing to at least listen to you. Have

you talked with your godson about what he should do if an adult

says or does inappropriate things to him?

I think that if you can make things safer for your godson, then

you will be better able to deal with your own relationship with

your father. Right now he has a hold on you that is very

important to you and a child's safety is a strong motivation to

avoid doing what needs to be done for your own good. Standing up

to him is a good start and I'm glad to hear that you're doing

it.

>Hi guys

>Again thanks so much for the advice and different perspectives

>­

>wonderful stuff.

>

>OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at

>11am. He

>calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to do that

>

>anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just said

>`thats

>great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

>

>Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two

>of my

>friends for years and his own children ­ thats all I know

>of). My

>npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified of

>him. My

>npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into

>reaction or

>anger, rage, terror ­ to threathen me and to punish me for

>standing

>up to him last night. The real reason why is because I am very

>close

>to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been shielding him

>from

>the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and that's

>the

>main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is the

>most

>important thing in my life ­ we are very close and have a great

>

>normal loving relationship ­ like for both of us our refuge in

>this

>storm has been each other.

>

>I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up of a

>few

>things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained me on

>to

>enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother feels

>towards

>protecting her child.

>

>At first the terror started to boil in me ­ OMG what had I

>done? Why

>was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like

>that. The

>thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd is

>that they

>work off each other ­ the whole family does ­ siblings

>included. So

>lets say I stand up directly to nada ­ she gets my npdfather to

>

>protect her by punishing me. And vice versa ­ my npdfather

>knows

>exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and everyone ­

>he's

>verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is he is

>typical

>npd ­ he is hugely charming ­ everyone who knows him thinks

>he's

>wonderful and amazing.

>

>So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what have I

>

>done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my

>npdfather

>wants. I started to calm myself down and to think logically.

>

>Whats really happening here? What exactly is the threat? OK

>the

>facts.

>I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and npdfather

>have

>him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many options

>here

>about what to do ­ I can go up to nada's and shield him (this

>is what

>I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am there ­

>its

>very obvious but it works ­ my godson thanks me every time even

>­

>poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, - if

>you get

>my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another option is

>to

>somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my

>npdsister. Id

>be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

>

>FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never

>assaulted

>me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for that ­

>he

>just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy to

>everyone

>and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I think

>will

>protect me just in case. I will not go up without a witness

>for the

>next while ­ he is raging and boiling at the moment. Second, I

>will

>not only record him now on audio ­ but I am getting covert

>cameras to

>record in audio-visual.

>FACT: Even if he did attack me ­ which he wont ­ Id have it

>recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently had an

>allegation made against him by the police for threatheing

>someones

>life ­ he slipped ­ he threathened this local bum ­ who he

>believed

>wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he did

>wouldn't

>be believed. That is on-going ­ so the local and national

>police

>have a recent record of his threats ­ and if anything escalated

>that

>would work in my favour.

>

>1.Protect godson ­ arrange me to have him thurs/fri to protect

>him ­

>if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

>2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his car

>(for

>when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons person

>(there are

>mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show no sign

>of

>that and that then record in real time the conversations around

>the

>phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised my

>godson a

>new phone ­ he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do this

>stuff?

>Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home at

>present

>and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed

>etc. Also

>Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in his

>home so

>that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers car ­ but

>my

>godsons mobile should cover that.

>

>The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe ­ is to

>

>record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody

>awarded to

>my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

>

>The real battle is within. This is what Im finding ­ its my

>own

>reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me my

>whole

>life to control me that are the threat to my health. I can not

>tell

>you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him last

>night

>openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to

>rationally

>control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am standing up

>for

>myself ­ like I dont care about him and am doing everything I

>can to

>protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he cant

>touch

>her cause of her illness at present and she has too many

>visitors etc

>around.

>

>Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with

>recording on

>camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or yahoo

>

>messenger.

>

>Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear' reaction

>was to

>immediately submit ­ to go up ­ do something `nice' for him ­

>and

>show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and let

>him win

>cause Im afraid of him.

>

>But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I need to

>keep

>doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways ­

>saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff ­ nicely

>and

>dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his threat

>hasn't

>worked. ­ Any thoughts on that? I think that direct approach

>is

>absolutely wonderful ­ knowing exactly what the REAL threats

>are and

>not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats the way

>to

>go ­ and would never have thought so.

>

>Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the

>cops. I

>have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so if I

>call

>the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare thinking

>that

>it might be because of that guy ­ and it might give him a good

>sign

>and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri. Thats

>another

>good option ­ and the local cops are already investigating him

>and it

>would also put some power back in my hands.

>

>I think the very important thing for me to realise is that Im

>not a

>child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights. The

>great

>website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He explains

>how the

>bullies work ­ how they work on threathening to provoke fear

>into our

>nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction to

>instil

>fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that its not

>

>relevant if our physical safety isn't really being threatened ­

>i.e.

>if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my npdfather is

>

>doing.

>

>Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My npd

>

>father would never do anything to ruin his reputation ­ thats

>why I

>think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have to

>protect

>myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if I say

>this

>to anyone they wont believe me.

>

>Now I do apologise ­ i know him being narcissist and not npd

>means Im

>off-topic here ­but they work as a team. Also, I so admire the

>level

>headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation would be

>welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and just bpd

>

>here. Thanks again. I feel great ­ I dont feel scared, Im

>really

>happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to this.

>Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me ­ I will be

>all

>smiles when I see him again ­ with a camera on me.

>

>Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is

>getting my

>focus onto him ­ every f8king day its something like this. So

>my

>main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my head, and

>to

>get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the hardest

>thing

>for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if I

>refuse to

>give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me. Another

>point

>just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins away ­ he

>doesn't know my address or my apt number ­ just my general

>area, so

>thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can leave

>with one

>months notice.

>

>Thanks again ­ any advice or comments would be greatly

>appreciated.

>

>Grace

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

PLEASE ask your psychologist for advice about this, Happyout: how to

proceed in your country if you have good reason to believe that an

individual has raped his own children. That is one of the things

health care professionals are there for, in any country.

Pedophiles tend to stick with a preferred sex, btw; if this man has

raped his own daughters in the past it is not likely that he would be

interested in your nephew. But its not like that never happens, its

just more likely that he will leave your nephew alone if he prefers

little girls.

It is definitely not in the child's best interest or in society's best

interest for you to " keep a confidence " with the child and continue to

allow this predator to roam freely, putting more children through hell.

I believe that everybody *is* morally and ethically responsible to

report crime, particularly crimes against children.

-Annie

My main concern here is my godson, I find it particularly cruel

> of life that if I walk away I leave behind the best thing in my life

> to be abused. This I cant come to terms with. Im not responsible

> for him - I get that - but surely if I see abuse happening I have to

> do something. I just dont know what I can do.

>

> Annie and kt thanks for the perspectives. Im not so sure how that

> works in my country. The girls he abused told me in confidence and I

> cant betray that. The second thing is - if I make something publc

> based on 'heresay' thats slander and thats very serious legally. I

> dont know how to handle this. I think the first thing is not to take

> the bait with my npdfather adn show what he's said has had no

> effect.

[Guest guest]

Hi Grace,

A few thoughts, all we know at this point is your father has asked

this man XXXX to drive him to a garage right? How much time does

this XXXX person spend in contact with your godson and in what

locations? Your best bet would be to contact the father and let him

know about this. The police - not sure how that works, there has to

be evidence, people willing to testify, file charges. Outside of

that getting his parents to actually be parents would be a good

thing - sounds like your sister is unlikely to but perhaps the ex-h

will.

Other thoughts, good on you for standing up to them! It's not

surprising your father would do something he knew would bother you -

he wants you to stop the new behavior. But that's a sign you've

really shaken things up too.

>

>

> Hi guys

> Again thanks so much for the advice and different perspectives –

> wonderful stuff.

>

> OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at 11am. He

> calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to do that

> anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just said

`thats

> great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

>

> Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two of my

> friends for years and his own children – thats all I know of). My

> npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified of him. My

> npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into reaction

or

> anger, rage, terror – to threathen me and to punish me for standing

> up to him last night. The real reason why is because I am very

close

> to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been shielding him from

> the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and that's the

> main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is the most

> important thing in my life – we are very close and have a great

> normal loving relationship – like for both of us our refuge in this

> storm has been each other.

>

> I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up of a few

> things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained me on to

> enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother feels

towards

> protecting her child.

>

> At first the terror started to boil in me – OMG what had I done?

Why

> was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like that. The

> thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd is that

they

> work off each other – the whole family does – siblings included.

So

> lets say I stand up directly to nada – she gets my npdfather to

> protect her by punishing me. And vice versa – my npdfather knows

> exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and everyone – he's

> verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is he is

typical

> npd – he is hugely charming – everyone who knows him thinks he's

> wonderful and amazing.

>

> So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what have I

> done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my npdfather

> wants. I started to calm myself down and to think logically.

>

> Whats really happening here? What exactly is the threat? OK the

> facts.

> I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and npdfather have

> him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many options here

> about what to do – I can go up to nada's and shield him (this is

what

> I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am there – its

> very obvious but it works – my godson thanks me every time even –

> poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, - if you

get

> my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another option is to

> somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my npdsister.

Id

> be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

>

> FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never assaulted

> me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for that – he

> just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy to

everyone

> and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I think will

> protect me just in case. I will not go up without a witness for

the

> next while – he is raging and boiling at the moment. Second, I

will

> not only record him now on audio – but I am getting covert cameras

to

> record in audio-visual.

> FACT: Even if he did attack me – which he wont – Id have it

> recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently had an

> allegation made against him by the police for threatheing someones

> life – he slipped – he threathened this local bum – who he believed

> wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he did wouldn't

> be believed. That is on-going – so the local and national police

> have a recent record of his threats – and if anything escalated

that

> would work in my favour.

>

> 1.Protect godson – arrange me to have him thurs/fri to protect him –

> if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

> 2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his car (for

> when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons person (there

are

> mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show no sign of

> that and that then record in real time the conversations around the

> phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised my godson

a

> new phone – he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do this stuff?

> Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home at

present

> and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed etc. Also

> Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in his home

so

> that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers car – but my

> godsons mobile should cover that.

>

> The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe – is to

> record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody awarded to

> my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

>

> The real battle is within. This is what Im finding – its my own

> reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me my whole

> life to control me that are the threat to my health. I can not

tell

> you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him last night

> openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to rationally

> control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am standing up for

> myself – like I dont care about him and am doing everything I can

to

> protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he cant

touch

> her cause of her illness at present and she has too many visitors

etc

> around.

>

> Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with recording on

> camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or yahoo

> messenger.

>

> Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear' reaction was

to

> immediately submit – to go up – do something `nice' for him – and

> show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and let him

win

> cause Im afraid of him.

>

> But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I need to keep

> doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways –

> saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff – nicely and

> dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his threat hasn't

> worked. – Any thoughts on that? I think that direct approach is

> absolutely wonderful – knowing exactly what the REAL threats are

and

> not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats the way to

> go – and would never have thought so.

>

> Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the cops. I

> have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so if I call

> the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare thinking

that

> it might be because of that guy – and it might give him a good sign

> and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri. Thats

another

> good option – and the local cops are already investigating him and

it

> would also put some power back in my hands.

>

> I think the very important thing for me to realise is that Im not a

> child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights. The great

> website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He explains how

the

> bullies work – how they work on threathening to provoke fear into

our

> nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction to instil

> fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that its not

> relevant if our physical safety isn't really being threatened –

i.e.

> if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my npdfather is

> doing.

>

> Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My npd

> father would never do anything to ruin his reputation – thats why I

> think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have to protect

> myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if I say

this

> to anyone they wont believe me.

>

> Now I do apologise – i know him being narcissist and not npd means

Im

> off-topic here –but they work as a team. Also, I so admire the

level

> headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation would be

> welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and just bpd

> here. Thanks again. I feel great – I dont feel scared, Im really

> happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to this.

> Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me – I will be all

> smiles when I see him again – with a camera on me.

>

> Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is getting my

> focus onto him – every f8king day its something like this. So my

> main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my head, and to

> get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the hardest thing

> for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if I refuse

to

> give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me. Another

point

> just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins away – he

> doesn't know my address or my apt number – just my general area, so

> thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can leave with

one

> months notice.

>

> Thanks again – any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Grace

>

[Guest guest]

i don't want to be critical and i'm not trying to be offensive,

because clearly your father is super creepy, but i think that you

have not claimed the power that you have. you said you had to put up

with the friend because you were at a party. you DON'T have to put

up with a creep in any situation. if it were me and someone wondered

why i was freaking out, i'd say something like, " well, you know how

it is when your dad's palling around with child rapists... OH, does

the child rapist want some more cake? " and i'd be talking like what

i was saying was perfectly normal, have my hair done like donna reed,

and be wearing an apron with r2-d2 on it.

you give your father power by keeping this a secret. do other people

know about this? his son is a creep, too? if this guy has access to

children, you NEED to call the police. your mom is enabling your

dad's behavior by running interference when you're not there.

bink

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi guys

> > > Again thanks so much for the advice and different perspectives –

> > > wonderful stuff.

> > >

> > > OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at 11am.

He

> > > calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to do that

> > > anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just said

> > `thats

> > > great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

> > >

> > > Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two

of

> my

> > > friends for years and his own children – thats all I know of).

> My

> > > npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified of

him.

> My

> > > npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into

> reaction

> > or

> > > anger, rage, terror – to threathen me and to punish me for

> standing

> > > up to him last night. The real reason why is because I am very

> > close

> > > to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been shielding him

> from

> > > the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and that's

> the

> > > main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is the

most

> > > important thing in my life – we are very close and have a great

> > > normal loving relationship – like for both of us our refuge in

> this

> > > storm has been each other.

> > >

> > > I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up of a

few

> > > things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained me on

> to

> > > enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother feels

> > towards

> > > protecting her child.

> > >

> > > At first the terror started to boil in me – OMG what had I

done?

> > Why

> > > was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like that.

The

> > > thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd is

that

> > they

> > > work off each other – the whole family does – siblings

included.

> > So

> > > lets say I stand up directly to nada – she gets my npdfather to

> > > protect her by punishing me. And vice versa – my npdfather

knows

> > > exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and everyone –

> he's

> > > verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is he is

> > typical

> > > npd – he is hugely charming – everyone who knows him thinks

he's

> > > wonderful and amazing.

> > >

> > > So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what have I

> > > done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my

> npdfather

> > > wants. I started to calm myself down and to think logically.

> > >

> > > Whats really happening here? What exactly is the threat? OK

the

> > > facts.

> > > I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and npdfather

> have

> > > him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many options

> here

> > > about what to do – I can go up to nada's and shield him (this

is

> > what

> > > I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am there –

> its

> > > very obvious but it works – my godson thanks me every time

even –

> > > poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, - if

you

> > get

> > > my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another option is

to

> > > somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my

npdsister.

> > Id

> > > be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

> > >

> > > FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never

> assaulted

> > > me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for that –

he

> > > just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy to

> > everyone

> > > and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I think

> will

> > > protect me just in case. I will not go up without a witness

for

> > the

> > > next while – he is raging and boiling at the moment. Second, I

> > will

> > > not only record him now on audio – but I am getting covert

> cameras

> > to

> > > record in audio-visual.

> > > FACT: Even if he did attack me – which he wont – Id have it

> > > recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently had an

> > > allegation made against him by the police for threatheing

> someones

> > > life – he slipped – he threathened this local bum – who he

> believed

> > > wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he did

> wouldn't

> > > be believed. That is on-going – so the local and national

police

> > > have a recent record of his threats – and if anything escalated

> > that

> > > would work in my favour.

> > >

> > > 1.Protect godson – arrange me to have him thurs/fri to protect

> him –

> >

> > > if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

> > > 2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his car

> (for

> > > when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons person

(there

> > are

> > > mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show no sign

> of

> > > that and that then record in real time the conversations around

> the

> > > phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised my

> godson

> > a

> > > new phone – he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do this

> stuff?

> > > Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home at

> > present

> > > and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed etc.

> Also

> > > Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in his

> home

> > so

> > > that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers car – but

> my

> > > godsons mobile should cover that.

> > >

> > > The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe – is to

> > > record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody

awarded

> to

> > > my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

> > >

> > > The real battle is within. This is what Im finding – its my

own

> > > reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me my

whole

> > > life to control me that are the threat to my health. I can not

> > tell

> > > you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him last

night

> > > openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to

> rationally

> > > control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am standing up

> for

> > > myself – like I dont care about him and am doing everything I

can

> > to

> > > protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he cant

> > touch

> > > her cause of her illness at present and she has too many

visitors

> > etc

> > > around.

> > >

> > > Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with

recording

> on

> > > camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or yahoo

> > > messenger.

> > >

> > > Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear' reaction

> was

> > to

> > > immediately submit – to go up – do something `nice' for him –

and

> > > show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and let

him

> > win

> > > cause Im afraid of him.

> > >

> > > But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I need to

> keep

> > > doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways –

> > > saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff – nicely

and

> > > dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his threat

> hasn't

> > > worked. – Any thoughts on that? I think that direct approach

is

> > > absolutely wonderful – knowing exactly what the REAL threats

are

> > and

> > > not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats the way

> to

> > > go – and would never have thought so.

> > >

> > > Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the

cops.

> I

> > > have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so if I

> call

> > > the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare thinking

> > that

> > > it might be because of that guy – and it might give him a good

> sign

> > > and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri. Thats

> > another

> > > good option – and the local cops are already investigating him

> and

> > it

> > > would also put some power back in my hands.

> > >

> > > I think the very important thing for me to realise is that Im

not

> a

> > > child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights. The

> great

> > > website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He explains

how

> > the

> > > bullies work – how they work on threathening to provoke fear

into

> > our

> > > nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction to

instil

> > > fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that its not

> > > relevant if our physical safety isn't really being threatened –

> > i.e.

> > > if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my npdfather is

> > > doing.

> > >

> > > Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My npd

> > > father would never do anything to ruin his reputation – thats

why

> I

> > > think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have to

> protect

> > > myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if I say

> > this

> > > to anyone they wont believe me.

> > >

> > > Now I do apologise – i know him being narcissist and not npd

> means

> > Im

> > > off-topic here –but they work as a team. Also, I so admire the

> > level

> > > headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation would be

> > > welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and just bpd

> > > here. Thanks again. I feel great – I dont feel scared, Im

> really

> > > happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to this.

> > > Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me – I will be

all

> > > smiles when I see him again – with a camera on me.

> > >

> > > Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is

getting

> my

> > > focus onto him – every f8king day its something like this. So

my

> > > main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my head, and

> to

> > > get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the hardest

> thing

> > > for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if I

> refuse

> > to

> > > give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me. Another

> > point

> > > just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins away – he

> > > doesn't know my address or my apt number – just my general

area,

> so

> > > thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can leave

with

> > one

> > > months notice.

> > >

> > > Thanks again – any advice or comments would be greatly

> appreciated.

> > >

> > > Grace

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Happyout,

If a minor child or children confided in you that they were raped by

their father, its not slander. You do not keep crime a secret: your

moral and ethical obligation to report this crime completely outweighs

the promise to " keep a confidence. "

You could be the only hope these children have, if they are still

minors and still living with the father who raped/is still raping them.

Yes, you *are* morally and ethically responsible to report child rape.

Please talk to your therapist about how to proceed. It is very

important for the child (children's) healing to know that what was

done to them was not their fault, and the person who did it needs to

be punished and jailed for a long, long time so he can't hurt them any

more and so he can't hurt other children. The child predators who

attack their own children don't hesitate to attack others.

I think that if you can find the courage to help these children, you

will take a big step toward rescuing yourself, as well.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi guys

> > > > > Again thanks so much for the advice and different

> perspectives –

> >

> > > > > wonderful stuff.

> > > > >

> > > > > OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at

> 11am.

> > He

> > > > > calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to do

> that

> > > > > anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just

> said

> > > > `thats

> > > > > great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two

> > of

> > > my

> > > > > friends for years and his own children – thats all I know

> of).

> > > My

> > > > > npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified of

> > him.

> > > My

> > > > > npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into

> > > reaction

> > > > or

> > > > > anger, rage, terror – to threathen me and to punish me for

> > > standing

> > > > > up to him last night. The real reason why is because I am

> very

> > > > close

> > > > > to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been shielding

> him

> > > from

> > > > > the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and

> that's

> > > the

> > > > > main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is the

> > most

> > > > > important thing in my life – we are very close and have a

> great

> > > > > normal loving relationship – like for both of us our refuge

> in

> > > this

> > > > > storm has been each other.

> > > > >

> > > > > I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up of a

> > few

> > > > > things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained me

> on

> > > to

> > > > > enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother feels

> > > > towards

> > > > > protecting her child.

> > > > >

> > > > > At first the terror started to boil in me – OMG what had I

> > done?

> > > > Why

> > > > > was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like that.

> > The

> > > > > thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd is

> > that

> > > > they

> > > > > work off each other – the whole family does – siblings

> > included.

> > > > So

> > > > > lets say I stand up directly to nada – she gets my npdfather

> to

> > > > > protect her by punishing me. And vice versa – my npdfather

> > knows

> > > > > exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and everyone –

> > > he's

> > > > > verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is he is

> > > > typical

> > > > > npd – he is hugely charming – everyone who knows him thinks

> > he's

> > > > > wonderful and amazing.

> > > > >

> > > > > So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what have

> I

> > > > > done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my

> > > npdfather

> > > > > wants. I started to calm myself down and to think logically.

> > > > >

> > > > > Whats really happening here? What exactly is the threat? OK

> > the

> > > > > facts.

> > > > > I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and npdfather

> > > have

> > > > > him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many options

> > > here

> > > > > about what to do – I can go up to nada's and shield him (this

> > is

> > > > what

> > > > > I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am

> there –

> > > its

> > > > > very obvious but it works – my godson thanks me every time

> > even –

> > > > > poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, - if

> > you

> > > > get

> > > > > my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another option is

> > to

> > > > > somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my

> > npdsister.

> > > > Id

> > > > > be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

> > > > >

> > > > > FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never

> > > assaulted

> > > > > me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for that –

>

> > he

> > > > > just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy to

> > > > everyone

> > > > > and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I think

> > > will

> > > > > protect me just in case. I will not go up without a witness

> > for

> > > > the

> > > > > next while – he is raging and boiling at the moment. Second,

> I

> > > > will

> > > > > not only record him now on audio – but I am getting covert

> > > cameras

> > > > to

> > > > > record in audio-visual.

> > > > > FACT: Even if he did attack me – which he wont – Id have it

> > > > > recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently had an

> > > > > allegation made against him by the police for threatheing

> > > someones

> > > > > life – he slipped – he threathened this local bum – who he

> > > believed

> > > > > wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he did

> > > wouldn't

> > > > > be believed. That is on-going – so the local and national

> > police

> > > > > have a recent record of his threats – and if anything

> escalated

> > > > that

> > > > > would work in my favour.

> > > > >

> > > > > 1.Protect godson – arrange me to have him thurs/fri to

> protect

> > > him –

> > > >

> > > > > if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

> > > > > 2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his car

> > > (for

> > > > > when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons person

> > (there

> > > > are

> > > > > mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show no

> sign

> > > of

> > > > > that and that then record in real time the conversations

> around

> > > the

> > > > > phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised my

> > > godson

> > > > a

> > > > > new phone – he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do this

> > > stuff?

> > > > > Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home at

> > > > present

> > > > > and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed

> etc.

> > > Also

> > > > > Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in his

> > > home

> > > > so

> > > > > that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers car –

> but

> > > my

> > > > > godsons mobile should cover that.

> > > > >

> > > > > The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe – is

> to

> > > > > record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody

> > awarded

> > > to

> > > > > my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

> > > > >

> > > > > The real battle is within. This is what Im finding – its my

> > own

> > > > > reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me my

> > whole

> > > > > life to control me that are the threat to my health. I can

> not

> > > > tell

> > > > > you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him last

> > night

> > > > > openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to

> > > rationally

> > > > > control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am standing

> up

> > > for

> > > > > myself – like I dont care about him and am doing everything I

> > can

> > > > to

> > > > > protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he

> cant

> > > > touch

> > > > > her cause of her illness at present and she has too many

> > visitors

> > > > etc

> > > > > around.

> > > > >

> > > > > Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with

> > recording

> > > on

> > > > > camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or

> yahoo

> > > > > messenger.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear'

> reaction

> > > was

> > > > to

> > > > > immediately submit – to go up – do something `nice' for him –

> > and

> > > > > show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and let

> > him

> > > > win

> > > > > cause Im afraid of him.

> > > > >

> > > > > But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I need to

> > > keep

> > > > > doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways –

> > > > > saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff – nicely

> > and

> > > > > dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his threat

> > > hasn't

> > > > > worked. – Any thoughts on that? I think that direct approach

> > is

> > > > > absolutely wonderful – knowing exactly what the REAL threats

> > are

> > > > and

> > > > > not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats the

> way

> > > to

> > > > > go – and would never have thought so.

> > > > >

> > > > > Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the

> > cops.

> > > I

> > > > > have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so if

> I

> > > call

> > > > > the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare

> thinking

> > > > that

> > > > > it might be because of that guy – and it might give him a

> good

> > > sign

> > > > > and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri. Thats

> > > > another

> > > > > good option – and the local cops are already investigating

> him

> > > and

> > > > it

> > > > > would also put some power back in my hands.

> > > > >

> > > > > I think the very important thing for me to realise is that Im

> > not

> > > a

> > > > > child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights. The

> > > great

> > > > > website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He explains

> > how

> > > > the

> > > > > bullies work – how they work on threathening to provoke fear

> > into

> > > > our

> > > > > nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction to

> > instil

> > > > > fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that its

> not

> > > > > relevant if our physical safety isn't really being

> threatened –

> > > > i.e.

> > > > > if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my npdfather

> is

> > > > > doing.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My

> npd

> > > > > father would never do anything to ruin his reputation – thats

> > why

> > > I

> > > > > think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have to

> > > protect

> > > > > myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if I

> say

> > > > this

> > > > > to anyone they wont believe me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now I do apologise – i know him being narcissist and not npd

> > > means

> > > > Im

> > > > > off-topic here –but they work as a team. Also, I so admire

> the

> > > > level

> > > > > headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation would

> be

> > > > > welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and just

> bpd

> > > > > here. Thanks again. I feel great – I dont feel scared, Im

> > > really

> > > > > happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to

> this.

> > > > > Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me – I will be

> > all

> > > > > smiles when I see him again – with a camera on me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is

> > getting

> > > my

> > > > > focus onto him – every f8king day its something like this.

> So

> > my

> > > > > main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my head,

> and

> > > to

> > > > > get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the hardest

> > > thing

> > > > > for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if I

> > > refuse

> > > > to

> > > > > give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me.

> Another

> > > > point

> > > > > just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins away –

> he

> > > > > doesn't know my address or my apt number – just my general

> > area,

> > > so

> > > > > thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can leave

> > with

> > > > one

> > > > > months notice.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks again – any advice or comments would be greatly

> > > appreciated.

> > > > >

> > > > > Grace

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Happy,

That does change the dynamic somewhat: if the victims are now adults

and told you about their abuse from back when they were children.

Or, are they still being incested, God forbid? I would still urge

them to report it on their own behalf, and on the behalf of current

at-risk children, because statistics show that child predators do not

" get better " and continue raping children for decades, just moving on

to new children: neighbor kids, relatives, students, etc. that they

come across.

You still have the right to report this evil piece of shit, and what's

more, I personally believe you have a moral obligation to do that. It

does give me hope that you said you were going to pursue it with your

therapist, if I understand your earlier post correctly.

Here in the USA over the last few years there have been widely

publicized reports of dozens of priests who systematically molested

and raped *hundreds* of children over *decades*, and it continued for

so long because it was kept secret. The child-predator priests were

not fired or arrested, they were just moved around to fresh hunting

grounds. It took brave people, former victims and their families, to

bring the systematic corruption to light.

Keep in mind that your nephew is much less likely to be targeted by

this particular child rapist if he prefers little girls. Or, perhaps

you were told that he is bi-sexual and has molested little boys also?

But the whole issue of keeping confidences where crime is being

concealed, that's a whole different conundrum that we could argue

about for years. I'm on the side of the fence that says that a promise

to conceal incest is invalid, and not in the best interest of the

victim(s). I would not keep a confidence if a friend told me she was

contemplating suicide, either. In fact, I have reported a friend who

was contemplating suicide. She was angry at me at first, but now we

are friends again.

But that's just my opinion. All I know is that I couldn't live with

myself if I had been told *by the victim* that her father had done

that to her and her sister, and statistically likely to still be

abusing other kids, and I didn't try to stop it.

-Annie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Hi guys

> > > > > > > Again thanks so much for the advice and different

> > > perspectives –

> > > >

> > > > > > > wonderful stuff.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at

> > > 11am.

> > > > He

> > > > > > > calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to

> do

> > > that

> > > > > > > anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just

> > > said

> > > > > > `thats

> > > > > > > great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused

> two

> > > > of

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > friends for years and his own children – thats all I know

> > > of).

> > > > > My

> > > > > > > npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified

> of

> > > > him.

> > > > > My

> > > > > > > npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into

> > > > > reaction

> > > > > > or

> > > > > > > anger, rage, terror – to threathen me and to punish me

> for

> > > > > standing

> > > > > > > up to him last night. The real reason why is because I

> am

> > > very

> > > > > > close

> > > > > > > to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been

> shielding

> > > him

> > > > > from

> > > > > > > the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and

> > > that's

> > > > > the

> > > > > > > main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is

> the

> > > > most

> > > > > > > important thing in my life – we are very close and have a

> > > great

> > > > > > > normal loving relationship – like for both of us our

> refuge

> > > in

> > > > > this

> > > > > > > storm has been each other.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up

> of a

> > > > few

> > > > > > > things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained

> me

> > > on

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother

> feels

> > > > > > towards

> > > > > > > protecting her child.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > At first the terror started to boil in me – OMG what had

> I

> > > > done?

> > > > > > Why

> > > > > > > was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like

> that.

> > > > The

> > > > > > > thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd

> is

> > > > that

> > > > > > they

> > > > > > > work off each other – the whole family does – siblings

> > > > included.

> > > > > > So

> > > > > > > lets say I stand up directly to nada – she gets my

> npdfather

> > > to

> > > > > > > protect her by punishing me. And vice versa – my

> npdfather

> > > > knows

> > > > > > > exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and

> everyone –

> > > > > he's

> > > > > > > verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is

> he is

> > > > > > typical

> > > > > > > npd – he is hugely charming – everyone who knows him

> thinks

> > > > he's

> > > > > > > wonderful and amazing.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what

> have

> > > I

> > > > > > > done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my

> > > > > npdfather

> > > > > > > wants. I started to calm myself down and to think

> logically.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Whats really happening here? What exactly is the

> threat? OK

> > > > the

> > > > > > > facts.

> > > > > > > I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and

> npdfather

> > > > > have

> > > > > > > him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many

> options

> > > > > here

> > > > > > > about what to do – I can go up to nada's and shield him

> (this

> > > > is

> > > > > > what

> > > > > > > I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am

> > > there –

> > > > > its

> > > > > > > very obvious but it works – my godson thanks me every

> time

> > > > even –

> > > > > > > poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, -

> if

> > > > you

> > > > > > get

> > > > > > > my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another

> option is

> > > > to

> > > > > > > somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my

> > > > npdsister.

> > > > > > Id

> > > > > > > be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never

> > > > > assaulted

> > > > > > > me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for

> that –

> > >

> > > > he

> > > > > > > just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy

> to

> > > > > > everyone

> > > > > > > and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I

> think

> > > > > will

> > > > > > > protect me just in case. I will not go up without a

> witness

> > > > for

> > > > > > the

> > > > > > > next while – he is raging and boiling at the moment.

> Second,

> > > I

> > > > > > will

> > > > > > > not only record him now on audio – but I am getting

> covert

> > > > > cameras

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > record in audio-visual.

> > > > > > > FACT: Even if he did attack me – which he wont – Id have

> it

> > > > > > > recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently

> had an

> > > > > > > allegation made against him by the police for threatheing

> > > > > someones

> > > > > > > life – he slipped – he threathened this local bum – who

> he

> > > > > believed

> > > > > > > wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he

> did

> > > > > wouldn't

> > > > > > > be believed. That is on-going – so the local and

> national

> > > > police

> > > > > > > have a recent record of his threats – and if anything

> > > escalated

> > > > > > that

> > > > > > > would work in my favour.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > 1.Protect godson – arrange me to have him thurs/fri to

> > > protect

> > > > > him –

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

> > > > > > > 2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his

> car

> > > > > (for

> > > > > > > when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons

> person

> > > > (there

> > > > > > are

> > > > > > > mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show

> no

> > > sign

> > > > > of

> > > > > > > that and that then record in real time the conversations

> > > around

> > > > > the

> > > > > > > phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised

> my

> > > > > godson

> > > > > > a

> > > > > > > new phone – he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do

> this

> > > > > stuff?

> > > > > > > Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home

> at

> > > > > > present

> > > > > > > and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed

> > > etc.

> > > > > Also

> > > > > > > Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in

> his

> > > > > home

> > > > > > so

> > > > > > > that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers

> car –

> > > but

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > godsons mobile should cover that.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe –

> is

> > > to

> > > > > > > record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody

> > > > awarded

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > The real battle is within. This is what Im finding – its

> my

> > > > own

> > > > > > > reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me

> my

> > > > whole

> > > > > > > life to control me that are the threat to my health. I

> can

> > > not

> > > > > > tell

> > > > > > > you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him

> last

> > > > night

> > > > > > > openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to

> > > > > rationally

> > > > > > > control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am

> standing

> > > up

> > > > > for

> > > > > > > myself – like I dont care about him and am doing

> everything I

> > > > can

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he

> > > cant

> > > > > > touch

> > > > > > > her cause of her illness at present and she has too many

> > > > visitors

> > > > > > etc

> > > > > > > around.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with

> > > > recording

> > > > > on

> > > > > > > camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or

> > > yahoo

> > > > > > > messenger.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear'

> > > reaction

> > > > > was

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > immediately submit – to go up – do something `nice' for

> him –

> > > > and

> > > > > > > show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and

> let

> > > > him

> > > > > > win

> > > > > > > cause Im afraid of him.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I

> need to

> > > > > keep

> > > > > > > doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways –

> > > > > > > saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff –

> nicely

> > > > and

> > > > > > > dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his

> threat

> > > > > hasn't

> > > > > > > worked. – Any thoughts on that? I think that direct

> approach

> > > > is

> > > > > > > absolutely wonderful – knowing exactly what the REAL

> threats

> > > > are

> > > > > > and

> > > > > > > not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats

> the

> > > way

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > go – and would never have thought so.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the

> > > > cops.

> > > > > I

> > > > > > > have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so

> if

> > > I

> > > > > call

> > > > > > > the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare

> > > thinking

> > > > > > that

> > > > > > > it might be because of that guy – and it might give him a

> > > good

> > > > > sign

> > > > > > > and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri.

> Thats

> > > > > > another

> > > > > > > good option – and the local cops are already

> investigating

> > > him

> > > > > and

> > > > > > it

> > > > > > > would also put some power back in my hands.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I think the very important thing for me to realise is

> that Im

> > > > not

> > > > > a

> > > > > > > child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights.

> The

> > > > > great

> > > > > > > website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He

> explains

> > > > how

> > > > > > the

> > > > > > > bullies work – how they work on threathening to provoke

> fear

> > > > into

> > > > > > our

> > > > > > > nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction

> to

> > > > instil

> > > > > > > fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that

> its

> > > not

> > > > > > > relevant if our physical safety isn't really being

> > > threatened –

> > > > > > i.e.

> > > > > > > if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my

> npdfather

> > > is

> > > > > > > doing.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

> My

> > > npd

> > > > > > > father would never do anything to ruin his reputation –

> thats

> > > > why

> > > > > I

> > > > > > > think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have

> to

> > > > > protect

> > > > > > > myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if

> I

> > > say

> > > > > > this

> > > > > > > to anyone they wont believe me.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Now I do apologise – i know him being narcissist and not

> npd

> > > > > means

> > > > > > Im

> > > > > > > off-topic here –but they work as a team. Also, I so

> admire

> > > the

> > > > > > level

> > > > > > > headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation

> would

> > > be

> > > > > > > welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and

> just

> > > bpd

> > > > > > > here. Thanks again. I feel great – I dont feel scared,

> Im

> > > > > really

> > > > > > > happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to

> > > this.

> > > > > > > Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me – I

> will be

> > > > all

> > > > > > > smiles when I see him again – with a camera on me.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is

> > > > getting

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > focus onto him – every f8king day its something like

> this.

> > > So

> > > > my

> > > > > > > main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my

> head,

> > > and

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the

> hardest

> > > > > thing

> > > > > > > for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if

> I

> > > > > refuse

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me.

> > > Another

> > > > > > point

> > > > > > > just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins

> away –

> > > he

> > > > > > > doesn't know my address or my apt number – just my

> general

> > > > area,

> > > > > so

> > > > > > > thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can

> leave

> > > > with

> > > > > > one

> > > > > > > months notice.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Thanks again – any advice or comments would be greatly

> > > > > appreciated.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Grace

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i don't think slander would be necessary. you could still talk about

how you're creeped out by his presence and don't want your godson

around him, and include the fact that your mom feels the same way.

but avoiding slander is still not a reason why you couldn't say

anything at a family party. you had the power to say something. it

is quite possible that it would have caused a scene, but i figure it's

better to cause a scene than surrender to untenable conditions.

i understand how difficult it can be to wrestle control of a child

away from a bp/np. even if that person doesn't give a shit about the

kid, if they have the opportunity to use the kid against someone else,

then they will. it's insane. the only thing i am concerned with is

that if your godson is only safe when you're around, then he's not

safe at all. your mom is probably enabling your dad, so i don't know

how reliable she can really be to keep an eye on your nephew. you

know what i mean? i don't know you so i am totally basing my

assumptions on your letters, but it sounds like you could fall into

the " rescuer " trap of codependency if you are not careful in this

situation. this kid is already in a crappy situation and it would

suck if he ended up being in the middle of an ideological and

psychological battle between adults, no matter how well intending they

may be.

CPS can be called anonymously. There are usually anonymous tip lines

that can be called to report people. maybe the guy isn't a pedophile.

maybe he is just a sexual abuser of adults. it doesn't really

matter. this should all be reported to cps.

just being the devil's advocate.

bink

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi guys

> > > > > Again thanks so much for the advice and different

> perspectives –

> >

> > > > > wonderful stuff.

> > > > >

> > > > > OK update, I was due to drive my npdfather to garage at

> 11am.

> > He

> > > > > calls at 9.30am and tells me that he doesn't need me to do

> that

> > > > > anymore, that he has got XXXX to do this instead. I just

> said

> > > > `thats

> > > > > great' and `bye', nice and cheerful.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now heres the thing. XXXX is a pedeophile (he has abused two

> > of

> > > my

> > > > > friends for years and his own children – thats all I know

> of).

> > > My

> > > > > npdfather knows that I hate this man and I am terrified of

> > him.

> > > My

> > > > > npdfather has done this to terrify me and provoke me into

> > > reaction

> > > > or

> > > > > anger, rage, terror – to threathen me and to punish me for

> > > standing

> > > > > up to him last night. The real reason why is because I am

> very

> > > > close

> > > > > to my godson (my npdsisters child) as I had been shielding

> him

> > > from

> > > > > the family's abuse and quasi raised him from 1-5yrs and

> that's

> > > the

> > > > > main reason I stick around at the moment. My godson is the

> > most

> > > > > important thing in my life – we are very close and have a

> great

> > > > > normal loving relationship – like for both of us our refuge

> in

> > > this

> > > > > storm has been each other.

> > > > >

> > > > > I suppose my reaction to my npdfathers threat is made up of a

> > few

> > > > > things. First of all the ingrained terror he has trained me

> on

> > > to

> > > > > enslave me. Second, I feel for my godson like a mother feels

> > > > towards

> > > > > protecting her child.

> > > > >

> > > > > At first the terror started to boil in me – OMG what had I

> > done?

> > > > Why

> > > > > was I so stupid to have stood up to them directly like that.

> > The

> > > > > thing for the family where one parent is bpd and one npd is

> > that

> > > > they

> > > > > work off each other – the whole family does – siblings

> > included.

> > > > So

> > > > > lets say I stand up directly to nada – she gets my npdfather

> to

> > > > > protect her by punishing me. And vice versa – my npdfather

> > knows

> > > > > exactly how to provoke reaction in nada and me and everyone –

> > > he's

> > > > > verrrrry clever- sadistic and chilling. Worst still is he is

> > > > typical

> > > > > npd – he is hugely charming – everyone who knows him thinks

> > he's

> > > > > wonderful and amazing.

> > > > >

> > > > > So my reaction initially INSIDE me was terror, OMG, what have

> I

> > > > > done? My godson what have I done? Thats exactly what my

> > > npdfather

> > > > > wants. I started to calm myself down and to think logically.

> > > > >

> > > > > Whats really happening here? What exactly is the threat? OK

> > the

> > > > > facts.

> > > > > I checked my godon is at school and safe. Nada and npdfather

> > > have

> > > > > him on Thursday and Friday after school. I have many options

> > > here

> > > > > about what to do – I can go up to nada's and shield him (this

> > is

> > > > what

> > > > > I normally do, anytime they have him the past year I am

> there –

> > > its

> > > > > very obvious but it works – my godson thanks me every time

> > even –

> > > > > poor little fella). At least he knows that its not him, - if

> > you

> > > > get

> > > > > my drift. At least Ive done that for him. Another option is

> > to

> > > > > somehow get to have my godon instead by working on my

> > npdsister.

> > > > Id

> > > > > be able to do this if I thought about it enough.

> > > > >

> > > > > FACT: My physical safety is not in danger. He has never

> > > assaulted

> > > > > me or hit me or sexually abused me. Hes too clever for that –

>

> > he

> > > > > just provokes nada etc. He HAS to look like the good guy to

> > > > everyone

> > > > > and only shows his true colours to me. So heres what I think

> > > will

> > > > > protect me just in case. I will not go up without a witness

> > for

> > > > the

> > > > > next while – he is raging and boiling at the moment. Second,

> I

> > > > will

> > > > > not only record him now on audio – but I am getting covert

> > > cameras

> > > > to

> > > > > record in audio-visual.

> > > > > FACT: Even if he did attack me – which he wont – Id have it

> > > > > recorded. Another plus in all this is he has recently had an

> > > > > allegation made against him by the police for threatheing

> > > someones

> > > > > life – he slipped – he threathened this local bum – who he

> > > believed

> > > > > wouldn't have the courage to stand up to him and if he did

> > > wouldn't

> > > > > be believed. That is on-going – so the local and national

> > police

> > > > > have a recent record of his threats – and if anything

> escalated

> > > > that

> > > > > would work in my favour.

> > > > >

> > > > > 1.Protect godson – arrange me to have him thurs/fri to

> protect

> > > him –

> > > >

> > > > > if not shield him and have hidden cameras set up

> > > > > 2. Get hidden camera in his house, my sisters house, his car

> > > (for

> > > > > when he collects godson) and have one on my godsons person

> > (there

> > > > are

> > > > > mobile phones I can get that I can dial in to that show no

> sign

> > > of

> > > > > that and that then record in real time the conversations

> around

> > > the

> > > > > phone even if its switched off - and luckily Ive promised my

> > > godson

> > > > a

> > > > > new phone – he's 9!) I wonder if anyone has had to do this

> > > stuff?

> > > > > Any legal advice. Technically my parents home is my home at

> > > > present

> > > > > and I think legally I it would be ok if I felt threathed

> etc.

> > > Also

> > > > > Im legal guardian of my godson and at times have lived in his

> > > home

> > > > so

> > > > > that should be ok. The only difficulty is my fathers car –

> but

> > > my

> > > > > godsons mobile should cover that.

> > > > >

> > > > > The main reason besides just making sure godson is safe – is

> to

> > > > > record for the next 4 months to perhaps get full custody

> > awarded

> > > to

> > > > > my sisters ex husband where my godson would be safe.

> > > > >

> > > > > The real battle is within. This is what Im finding – its my

> > own

> > > > > reactions of terror and fear that he has instilled in me my

> > whole

> > > > > life to control me that are the threat to my health. I can

> not

> > > > tell

> > > > > you all how I feel 10 feet tall for standing up to him last

> > night

> > > > > openly. For not being afraid and for having managed to

> > > rationally

> > > > > control my reactions to him. Its like I finally am standing

> up

> > > for

> > > > > myself – like I dont care about him and am doing everything I

> > can

> > > > to

> > > > > protect myself and my godson. Nada is protected cause he

> cant

> > > > touch

> > > > > her cause of her illness at present and she has too many

> > visitors

> > > > etc

> > > > > around.

> > > > >

> > > > > Heres where I need advice. Anyone any experience with

> > recording

> > > on

> > > > > camera etc.? Please fell free to contact me via email or

> yahoo

> > > > > messenger.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, Im wondering now what to do. My initial `fear'

> reaction

> > > was

> > > > to

> > > > > immediately submit – to go up – do something `nice' for him –

> > and

> > > > > show him he's the boss to bring things back to normal and let

> > him

> > > > win

> > > > > cause Im afraid of him.

> > > > >

> > > > > But, I dont think thats the answer at all. I think I need to

> > > keep

> > > > > doing the direct approach. First of all in little ways –

> > > > > saying `no' `dont tell me what to do' all that stuff – nicely

> > and

> > > > > dignified and calm. To continue that to show him his threat

> > > hasn't

> > > > > worked. – Any thoughts on that? I think that direct approach

> > is

> > > > > absolutely wonderful – knowing exactly what the REAL threats

> > are

> > > > and

> > > > > not just reacting to my FEELINGS inside. I think thats the

> way

> > > to

> > > > > go – and would never have thought so.

> > > > >

> > > > > Another thing I could do to scare him back is to call the

> > cops.

> > > I

> > > > > have a property beside his (which he technically owns) so if

> I

> > > call

> > > > > the cops (make up some excuse - ) he would get a scare

> thinking

> > > > that

> > > > > it might be because of that guy – and it might give him a

> good

> > > sign

> > > > > and cool him abit. I could also do this on Thurs/Fri. Thats

> > > > another

> > > > > good option – and the local cops are already investigating

> him

> > > and

> > > > it

> > > > > would also put some power back in my hands.

> > > > >

> > > > > I think the very important thing for me to realise is that Im

> > not

> > > a

> > > > > child anymore. I can leave, I have power, I have rights. The

> > > great

> > > > > website bullies2buddies helped me with this one. He explains

> > how

> > > > the

> > > > > bullies work – how they work on threathening to provoke fear

> > into

> > > > our

> > > > > nervous systems and how it is an old primitive reaction to

> > instil

> > > > > fear to protect us, but that we do have to realise that its

> not

> > > > > relevant if our physical safety isn't really being

> threatened –

> > > > i.e.

> > > > > if its just a threat to control us. Thats what my npdfather

> is

> > > > > doing.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My

> npd

> > > > > father would never do anything to ruin his reputation – thats

> > why

> > > I

> > > > > think teh cameras will be the biggest tool I could have to

> > > protect

> > > > > myself and my godson. But its also true that it means if I

> say

> > > > this

> > > > > to anyone they wont believe me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now I do apologise – i know him being narcissist and not npd

> > > means

> > > > Im

> > > > > off-topic here –but they work as a team. Also, I so admire

> the

> > > > level

> > > > > headed advice here that any thoughts on the situation would

> be

> > > > > welcome. In future I'll post re. Npd on npd board and just

> bpd

> > > > > here. Thanks again. I feel great – I dont feel scared, Im

> > > really

> > > > > happy. Now I feel like I have a choice how to react to

> this.

> > > > > Definitely I wont even pretend he has effected me – I will be

> > all

> > > > > smiles when I see him again – with a camera on me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Also, one other thing. What he does manage to achieve is

> > getting

> > > my

> > > > > focus onto him – every f8king day its something like this.

> So

> > my

> > > > > main weapon is now to forget, Ive dealt with it in my head,

> and

> > > to

> > > > > get back to work and thinking of me me me. Thats the hardest

> > > thing

> > > > > for me. He wants to occupy my thoughts completely and if I

> > > refuse

> > > > to

> > > > > give him NS he'll get NS from provoking terror in me.

> Another

> > > > point

> > > > > just to mention is, even though I live about 15 mins away –

> he

> > > > > doesn't know my address or my apt number – just my general

> > area,

> > > so

> > > > > thats also in my favour and if he does find out I can leave

> > with

> > > > one

> > > > > months notice.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks again – any advice or comments would be greatly

> > > appreciated.

> > > > >

> > > > > Grace

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>