Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 My bpd mother has just been admitted to hospital with a suspected brain tumour. I currently live about 20,000km away from her and have had no proper contact with her in about 5years because of her bpd-ness and Ive now got a family of my own of which I dont want her to taint. Nonetheless I'm worried about her, she is quite sick. I hear about her current condition through a family friend. I do also plan, in a couple of months, to go back to my home country, but what shall I do? regain minimal contact with her before then or over xmas (she will still be in hospital over xmas) the new year or just leave it until I make the long trip home with my young daughter? (my BPDmother also has never met or seen her grandchildren, at my request). I sent flowers to the hospital from myself, my husband and kids just to let her know I know and that we do indeed care. Shes just hurt me so much over the years I don't know what to do in her time of need?.....hopefully someone has been in a similar situation or has some advice? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 To be honest that was my knee gut reaction- did she really have a brain tunor? My nada always ups the ante so to speak. I so hope she doesn't but I would make sure this is for real too. I don't want to devalue your feelings- but nadas are usually great game players. So be careful. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Jen O. " wrote: > > I haven't been in your situation exactly, but I assume that if you are NC > with your nada, it's for a reason, that she has hurt you, been abusive, and > you don't ever want her to do that to your kids. Just a thought, are you > sure about the brain tumor? I would talk to one of her doctors to be sure > that that story is true. I wouldn't put it past a BP to convince a family > friend to lie for her with some big story about how you've abandoned her > etc. I would first verify with a doctor, then if you still don't feel > comfortable with contact - don't do it. It sounds cold, but it's not - it's > self preservation, and protecting your kids too. Good luck. > > On Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 12:36 PM, angeandsimon wrote: > > > My bpd mother has just been admitted to hospital with a suspected > > brain tumour. I currently live about 20,000km away from her and have > > had no proper contact with her in about 5years because of her bpd-ness > > and Ive now got a family of my own of which I dont want her to taint. > > Nonetheless I'm worried about her, she is quite sick. I hear about her > > current condition through a family friend. > > I do also plan, in a couple of months, to go back to my home country, > > but what shall I do? regain minimal contact with her before then or > > over xmas (she will still be in hospital over xmas) the new year or > > just leave it until I make the long trip home with my young daughter? > > (my BPDmother also has never met or seen her grandchildren, at my > > request). > > I sent flowers to the hospital from myself, my husband and kids just > > to let her know I know and that we do indeed care. Shes just hurt me > > so much over the years I don't know what to do in her time of > > need?.....hopefully someone has been in a similar situation or has > > some advice? > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'm not sure what you mean when you say your last post was " hijacked. " I saw several replies. Do you just mean that you don't feel your questions have been answered yet? Sending flowers was nice. You will have to trust yourself to know how much contact you want to have with her and when. You say she has a " suspected " brain tumor. Other posters related that their mothers sometimes fake big illnesses to get attention or to make them feel guilty for being out of contact. My mother has had some big health issues lately, and while I trust that she is not faking, she certainly has not been above milking it for dramatic effect. Personally, I have chosen to let my parents take care of themselves until something really goes wrong. If I were in your situation, I'd wait until that tumor is confirmed before jumping on the " she's dying " train. It's up to you when to contact your parents, and how much contact you want to have with them. > > I am reposting this post because my last one way hyjacked.... > > My bpd mother has just been admitted to hospital with a suspected > > brain tumour. I currently live about 20,000km away from her and have > > had no proper contact with her in about 5years because of her bpd- ness > > and Ive now got a family of my own of which I dont want her to taint. > > Nonetheless I'm worried about her, she is quite sick. I hear about her > > current condition through a family friend. > > I do also plan, in a couple of months, to go back to my home country, > > but what shall I do? regain minimal contact with her before then or > > over xmas (she will still be in hospital over xmas) the new year or > > just leave it until I make the long trip home with my young daughter? > > (my BPDmother also has never met or seen her grandchildren, at my > > request). > > I sent flowers to the hospital from myself, my husband and kids just > > to let her know I know and that we do indeed care. Shes just hurt me > > so much over the years I don't know what to do in her time of > > need?.....hopefully someone has been in a similar situation or has > > some advice? > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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