Re: NC Mother in Law with BPD

[Guest guest]

Walking away was a good idea.

I think it's also a good idea to stay NC. You're right, she wants to

play you like she plays everyone else. She'll lure you back in with

the nice cards and crap, and then BAM she's yelling at you again. We

call it hoovering (like the vacuum, she wants to suck you back into her

little vortex of insanity).

I suggest the next time she tries to yell at you (if you ever see her

or talk to her again, that is), just say, " I'm not for yelling at, "

then either leave (if you're in public or on her turf) or kick her out

(if she's on yours).

Arguing or trying to convince her you're not mean won't work. It might

work with a rational person, but not with someone who has BPD. Setting

clear boundaries and enforcing them consistently will.

How is your husband with all this?

[Guest guest]

My husband is the nicest guy on earth. So as a result, he tries to 'make every

one happy'....I'm sure this charictar trait is a result of having a BPD mom. He

is the 'how can I fix it type'.

Great for me.

Enabeling for her.

 

Anyway, He is supportive, of me. He says he understands.

Unfortunatally, i think he is internalising a lot right now.

He was the type of young child that was always checked for ulcers, etc... (guess

why).

 

He supports me, & my desisions. But for him, I think it would be easier if i

played her game.

 

BUT as the show used to say " HOMEY DON " T PLAY THAT "

 

If I am verbally  attacted, I am out! I am not a punching bag! & i refuse to

take part in this. I don't care what kind of 'stress' it may cause her.

 

I believe that she 'made her bed, & she needs to lye in it'!!

 

As for my husband, I think he will take her any way she is. Happy, manic,

crying, nasty, yelling. The whole thing. It's all he knows, so he deals with

her..... It breaks my heart.

 

Nerak

Subject: Re: NC Mother in Law with BPD

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 9:40 PM

Walking away was a good idea.

I think it's also a good idea to stay NC. You're right, she wants to

play you like she plays everyone else. She'll lure you back in with

the nice cards and crap, and then BAM she's yelling at you again. We

call it hoovering (like the vacuum, she wants to suck you back into her

little vortex of insanity).

I suggest the next time she tries to yell at you (if you ever see her

or talk to her again, that is), just say, " I'm not for yelling at, "

then either leave (if you're in public or on her turf) or kick her out

(if she's on yours).

Arguing or trying to convince her you're not mean won't work. It might

work with a rational person, but not with someone who has BPD. Setting

clear boundaries and enforcing them consistently will.

How is your husband with all this?

[Guest guest]

>

> My husband is the nicest guy on earth. So as a result, he tries

to 'make every one happy'....I'm sure this charictar trait is a

result of having a BPD mom. He is the 'how can I fix it type'.

> Great for me.

> Enabeling for her.

You're right--his people pleasing is definitely part of having a BPD

parent. We're trained from birth that the parent's needs are the

only valid ones, and that it's our duty in life to make sure they're

always happy. I'm glad he is at least supportive of your decisions.

> He supports me, & my desisions. But for him, I think it would be

easier if i played her game.

>  

> BUT as the show used to say " HOMEY DON " T PLAY THAT "

>  

That is hilarious ;-) It's so great that you have a sense of humor,

it will really help you in this situation.

I hope your husband will learn not to let his mother berate you to

him. I forsee a smear campaign in your future...but stick to your

guns, you're doing the right thing.

kt