Guest guest Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 > > I shouldn't be surprised and I know I shouldn't care as I hear through > the family grapevine that I'm being bashed by nada. She just has no > idea why I won't talk to her and this has turned into her latest > drama. Among other things she is telling family that one reason I cut > her off is because she had such a wonderful relationship with my 6 > year old daughter that I became jealous. What?!? I'm not a jealous > person at all--that would be her. I have always made a point to let > the crazy grandmothers become very involved with my kids to the point > that I looked lazy when grandmas were around. Nada used to talk > constantly about how my daughter and I are a poor fit. This isn't > true. My daughter is a challenging child, but we have a very close > relationship. > > I am determined to get over this quickly, but it's just so stupid. > It's as if these women don't want to see the truth in any way and just > start fabricating a fantasy world. I think I need to give up hope > that nada will ever become normal and just get on with my life. I > just may be angry enough now to accomplish it! > > le le, I am new to this site but your post jumped out at me. I have young children and my Nada is really making life stressful. My wife and I try to include her in things but she makes it tough and we end up spending significant time dealing with the stress she causes. I have spent my entire life dealing with her and have developed my own defense mechanisms, but now that we have children it's a whole new landscape. One thing I will not let happen is have her issues, drama etc impact my children’s life. I could go on for days about the petty ridiculous things she says and does. I don't find reacting with the anger works for me; it is in some way what they want. Then it is about you, your anger, and we fall into that trap. I try not to react on the spot. I try and compose myself and get my thoughts together, but the drawback becomes, they have a chance to deny and re-write events. My Nada claims to want to be an active involved grandmother but she has boxed herself into a corner and the more she says and does the more we scale her involvement back, so it is a self fulfilling prophecy for her, but it is based on her behavior so she will have to own it. Jeff > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 Its uncanny how our nadas know exactly which buttons to push in our psyches that will do the most damage. That's the worst aspect of being around my nada, for me. I know that whatever it is that will bother me the most (about myself) is what she will zone in on to criticize, as though she is an evil psychic. Yes, I believe that it is pointless to hope for change in our nadas. All we can do is try to armor ourselves emotionally with thick, strong steel plates so that their hatefulness can't penetrate and hurt us. That way we can step back, distance ourselves and just watch dispassionately as the flung barbs of criticism harmlessly ping! off our armor. I'd be willing to bet that a lot of your family members are not buying your nada's version of the truth, that they know she is mentally ill and just wish all the craziness would just go away. The family members who do believe her, well, they're not mentally healthy either, then, are they? We have to stop caring about what the crazy people think about us. -Annie > > I shouldn't be surprised and I know I shouldn't care as I hear through > the family grapevine that I'm being bashed by nada. She just has no > idea why I won't talk to her and this has turned into her latest > drama. Among other things she is telling family that one reason I cut > her off is because she had such a wonderful relationship with my 6 > year old daughter that I became jealous. What?!? I'm not a jealous > person at all--that would be her. I have always made a point to let > the crazy grandmothers become very involved with my kids to the point > that I looked lazy when grandmas were around. Nada used to talk > constantly about how my daughter and I are a poor fit. This isn't > true. My daughter is a challenging child, but we have a very close > relationship. > > I am determined to get over this quickly, but it's just so stupid. > It's as if these women don't want to see the truth in any way and just > start fabricating a fantasy world. I think I need to give up hope > that nada will ever become normal and just get on with my life. I > just may be angry enough now to accomplish it! > > le > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 > > We have to stop caring about what the crazy people think about us. > > -Annie > Annie- GREAT POINT! I think the perpetual struggle of KOs is learning to let go. The reality is just as you pointed out...those who " KNOW " understand your position...those who don't get it, aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things. JJFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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