Guest guest Posted November 6, 2002 Report Share Posted November 6, 2002 What does your pain feel like? Mine feels like someone put a hot poker inside my ducts then they itch. This goes on/off. What pain medication do you take for this? I see pain doctor Nov. 12.. I'm trying to get colon to move with fiber,apples Milk of Mag. Thanks Barb..UK ? for sharing story about your biopsy. Hi , A hot poker through the bile ducts seems quite a good explanation, but I also get a gnawing aching pain across my lower right ribs, round to my back and then up to my shoulder. When I'm having problems with cholangitis the pain becomes very severe and spreads right across the top of my abdomen so I just have to curl up rather than stand upright. For the everyday pain I take co-dydramol and tramadol. (I think the co-dydramol is called lorcet in US) When the pain gets really bad then I have to take pethidine (tylenol). For your bowel problems have you tried lactulose? Its a rather sickly sweet liquid but it 'feeds' the bacteria in the colon and readjusts the ph and that makes things move along more quickly. If you start on a small dose in the evening say, 10 mls, you can see how it goes. It doesn't usually work suddenly as some laxative medicines do, and if you take a small dose to start with you may find that that is enough. Doctors use it a lot with liver patients so it is completely safe to take. I take it occasionally too. Love Barbara (UK) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 I just so feel your pain- and I am not a cutter but I have thought about it for so long-doing anything to relieve the pain. Of course suicide too- but at the end of the day I now feel like if I do something to hurt me, especially suicide- I am handing back myself to my abusers- allowing the pain they inflicted on me to again control my life. NO MORE- I am in charge of me- and I want to love, nuture and cherish me. Something my mother and husband could really never do- but that is a reflection of them- NOT ME! I know how to love- and love enough to let go of the pain, that keeps me bound to them. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " angeandsimon " wrote: > > i watch the blood pop to the surface > seeping through the cut of which i made > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > i chant > i cry > i am alone, desperate, guilty > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > can anybody hear me > does anybody really understand > does anybody really care to know > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 I don't know if you are seeing a therapist--if not, please do. We can support you here, via email, but it sounds like you need extra help. We've all been there. Stay safe. To the group: there was someone else today who wrote a poem who was also having a hard time. I wrote her personally to see how she is doing. Warmly, Randi Kreger Randi @BPDCentral.com www.BPDCentral.com Welcome to Oz Community Owner The Essential Family Guide to BPD Stop Walking on Eggshells and the SWOE Workbook (If you want an answer to a post, cc me directly.) .............. > > > > I think my little sister is developing BP, too. And I can't help. > > > > Besides she won't talk to me anymore. > > > > That little girl that I used to play with for hours and hours > while > > we were locked downstairs, that young woman who I hung out with in > > high school, that wonderful, caring, if not somewhat bottled-up > > emotionlly person who I love so much is now > > > > and angry, bitter, vindictive person. > > > > And it's all my fault. Because I left. I left her with our mom. > She > > was the strong one. She was 16 when I left. I thought she could > take > > care of herself for that one year before college. Besides, mom > picked > > on me mostly. > > > > I had to leave. We even talked on the phone once I was living > > elsewhere. She was the only one I told I was leaving. We cried and > > exchanged teddy bears to hug when we were lonely. Then she started > > getting more and more distant. > > > > And now she says that she doesn't ever want me in her life. > > > > How can I be so caring and she be so cold? > > > > It's all my fault. It was my job to protect her. But I DID protect > > her. > > > > > > For 16 years I did everything I could. But I HAD to go. It was > leave > > then or have no life to leave too. Why couldn't she be stronger? > > Doesn't she see how crazy this all is? She was supposedly the > strong > > one. I WAS THE WEAK ONE. > > > > Now, she's the blind one and I can't make her see. She might be > gone > > forever. > > > > How do you live with the guilt? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 angeandsimon I feel for you. No you're not alone and yes people care. Unfortunately most of our families are not able to care for us. You must care for yourself and find support elsewhere. Please find a good therapist, and don't give up. It can get better, but you must keep trying. > > i watch the blood pop to the surface > seeping through the cut of which i made > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > i chant > i cry > i am alone, desperate, guilty > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > can anybody hear me > does anybody really understand > does anybody really care to know > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 I so agree with what people are saying in their responses to you- this is so hard- but you are so worth it! We are here- and please I agree talk with someone. The pain can be released in healthier ways. Many blessings, Malinda. In WTOAdultChildren1 , " hellfireblonde99 " wrote: > > angeandsimon I feel for you. No you're not alone and yes people care. > Unfortunately most of our families are not able to care for us. You > must care for yourself and find support elsewhere. Please find a good > therapist, and don't give up. It can get better, but you must keep > trying. > > > > > > i watch the blood pop to the surface > > seeping through the cut of which i made > > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > > i chant > > i cry > > i am alone, desperate, guilty > > " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " > > can anybody hear me > > does anybody really understand > > does anybody really care to know > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 we can hear you...we can't take the pain away, but we can encourage you to spill it out...we all understand and we all have different thresholds for pain. I learned something years ago from a coping skills class-improve the moment with imagining yourself relaxing, create a calming fantasy, imagine yourself coping well. Create a purpose or meaning to your suffering. Make lemonade out of lemons. Pray for strength. Turn things over to a higher power. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:58:17 AM Subject: pain i watch the blood pop to the surface seeping through the cut of which i made " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " i chant i cry i am alone, desperate, guilty " make the pain go away, make the pain go away " can anybody hear me does anybody really understand does anybody really care to know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2008 Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 Hi P & BF, Wow, OK, so the cutting/self mutilation doesn't necessarily mean one has borderline pd? I thought that was one of the hallmark features of bpd, along with the rapid, unpredictable mood changes and the feeling of personal emptiness, the black-and-white thinking, etc. And RE your brief toying with the idea of suicide when you were only 6 or 7, double wow! I believe that's the youngest I've ever heard/read of of anyone ever contemplating suicide. When I was that age I kept trying to run away from home, and as a pre-schooler would hide myself around the house or yard hoping nada would stop trying to find me and just go away. It never worked. -Annie > > > > > > i watch the blood pop to the surface > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 Hi I appreciate your support and concern. The cutting for me has only happened this one time in about 15 years!! I did it a couple of times when I was 17 and also took pills then too, but now I know why I did/do it. Its not something I planned on doing, it was after my husband expressed great disappointment and embarrassment toward me after the previous evenings family dinner. Long story. I needed to let out the pain somehow. By feeling the cuts I think helped direct the emotional pain. However now that they are healing the pain is still there. I need help but don't know quite how to get it. I'm living in a country where there are NO english speaking therapists!!! I would have to travel to another country to find one!! I'm terribly homesick. Although I do travel home in a month and a halfs time (the first time since we arrived 4 years ago), it doesn't seem soon enough. I have a good friend to talk to on the phone every second day (from my hometown), and that helps but its not the same as seeing her. I feel like I have to wear a mask here, the culture is so different to my own. Its my husbands culture, his family, friends etc. I've been here 4 years and made NOT EVEN ONE good friend (not for a lack of trying mind you!), everyone is so reserved and hostile to any suggestion of a coffee or our kids meeting up!?! Which I find is totally weird. Where I come from people are more relaxed, and its not about 'trusting' someone or not. Here its about who you know in the family and surrounding friends etc etc. Old fashioned and way too conservative. Its all about putting on a show. A show I no longer want in my adult life. I had enough of that as a child and teen, now its enough! Four years of it and I'm fed up. Its everything all at once. Crap popping up from the past hurt from my mother to slap me in the face now. Happy new year to me! Sorry its very much a sob story I know. Just need to let you all know my situation. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 P.S. As far as I am aware I don't have BPD. I recognise 'fleas' but I think thats just conditioning. I have and do continue to suffer from Major Depression and Chronic Anxiety, of which I take medication for and have done so for the past 5 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 Angeandsimon, I am truly concerned about you. From what you are writing you do have pain from the past which is being triggered by painful experiences in your present situation. This for me is when my pain was at its worst. You need to find an additional resource including this one and your friend- to help you release this pain. You are not a bp- just someone dealing with residual past pain and pain of today. I remember dealing with my past and present pain - feeling like I had nowhere to go- but you- we always have choices to help us- help ourselves more. I don't know what your long story is with your husband- but PLEASE- take care of yourself. I read the compassion and kindness you extend to all in your posts- please extend that same to you. I again hear nothing in anything that you write or say that is something that is like a bp- but I hear the major depression- maybe you could do a few phone sessions with a therapist- or something beyond what you are doing. I didn't cut- I became a picker especially my face- and I gorged myself with food and sometimes alcohol. Then this summer a local casino opened and I became addicted to the slots- it helped me release more of the trauma- at least that is what I thought- until I had to take out a loan to make sure I had enough money to cover my bills on time. Food- alcohol- gambling- picking- cutting- are temporary things that appear to be helping us deal with the pain- but they at least for me- mask the pain- and help me keep the pain in place. Therapy and professional help got me to finally say- no to my complusive behaviors and deal with the actual pain. This is not about me- this is about YOU and finding a way to deal with your pain- and loving yourself- Please take care of YOU! New Year- new opportunities to be healthy!! Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " angeandsimon " wrote: > > Hi > > I appreciate your support and concern. > > The cutting for me has only happened this one time in about 15 years!! > I did it a couple of times when I was 17 and also took pills then too, > but now I know why I did/do it. Its not something I planned on doing, > it was after my husband expressed great disappointment and > embarrassment toward me after the previous evenings family dinner. > Long story. > > I needed to let out the pain somehow. By feeling the cuts I think > helped direct the emotional pain. However now that they are healing > the pain is still there. I need help but don't know quite how to get it. > > I'm living in a country where there are NO english speaking > therapists!!! I would have to travel to another country to find one!! > > I'm terribly homesick. Although I do travel home in a month and a > halfs time (the first time since we arrived 4 years ago), it doesn't > seem soon enough. I have a good friend to talk to on the phone every > second day (from my hometown), and that helps but its not the same as > seeing her. > > I feel like I have to wear a mask here, the culture is so different to > my own. Its my husbands culture, his family, friends etc. I've been > here 4 years and made NOT EVEN ONE good friend (not for a lack of > trying mind you!), everyone is so reserved and hostile to any > suggestion of a coffee or our kids meeting up!?! Which I find is > totally weird. Where I come from people are more relaxed, and its not > about 'trusting' someone or not. Here its about who you know in the > family and surrounding friends etc etc. Old fashioned and way too > conservative. > > Its all about putting on a show. A show I no longer want in my adult > life. I had enough of that as a child and teen, now its enough! Four > years of it and I'm fed up. > > Its everything all at once. Crap popping up from the past hurt from my > mother to slap me in the face now. > > Happy new year to me! > > Sorry its very much a sob story I know. Just need to let you all know > my situation. > x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 Hello: Remember there is no line between " BPD diagnosis " and " Not BPD diagnosis. " The traits are on a continuum, and to diagnose BPD one needs to have five of the nine listen in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.I would guess that everyone here has coping methods that are " BPD like. " I hope you fel better soon. Concentrate on finding friends, not beating yourself up. Randi Kreger Randi @BPDCentral.com www.BPDCentral.com Welcome to Oz Community Owner NEW! Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells. (If you want an answer to a post, cc me directly.) > > > > Hi > > > > I appreciate your support and concern. > > > > The cutting for me has only happened this one time in about 15 > years!! > > I did it a couple of times when I was 17 and also took pills then > too, > > but now I know why I did/do it. Its not something I planned on > doing, > > it was after my husband expressed great disappointment and > > embarrassment toward me after the previous evenings family dinner. > > Long story. > > > > I needed to let out the pain somehow. By feeling the cuts I think > > helped direct the emotional pain. However now that they are healing > > the pain is still there. I need help but don't know quite how to > get it. > > > > I'm living in a country where there are NO english speaking > > therapists!!! I would have to travel to another country to find > one!! > > > > I'm terribly homesick. Although I do travel home in a month and a > > halfs time (the first time since we arrived 4 years ago), it doesn't > > seem soon enough. I have a good friend to talk to on the phone every > > second day (from my hometown), and that helps but its not the same > as > > seeing her. > > > > I feel like I have to wear a mask here, the culture is so different > to > > my own. Its my husbands culture, his family, friends etc. I've been > > here 4 years and made NOT EVEN ONE good friend (not for a lack of > > trying mind you!), everyone is so reserved and hostile to any > > suggestion of a coffee or our kids meeting up!?! Which I find is > > totally weird. Where I come from people are more relaxed, and its > not > > about 'trusting' someone or not. Here its about who you know in the > > family and surrounding friends etc etc. Old fashioned and way too > > conservative. > > > > Its all about putting on a show. A show I no longer want in my adult > > life. I had enough of that as a child and teen, now its enough! Four > > years of it and I'm fed up. > > > > Its everything all at once. Crap popping up from the past hurt from > my > > mother to slap me in the face now. > > > > Happy new year to me! > > > > Sorry its very much a sob story I know. Just need to let you all > know > > my situation. > > x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 I am *trying* to be kind to myself, however its the real *head* stuff that gets me up in a tangle. I wish I could just take my brain out and put it into a jar for a day or so :-) To take my mind off anything right now is tricky. Its freezing cold here in winter - we live with high mountains around us - and the sun goes so quickly that we (well I rather) have a very short period of time to get out and enjoy the day, not to mention a lack of money to get out into a new environment thats warmer. Even then I don't find that much enjoyment. I'm hoping the next week or so gets better. I turn 32 in a week and birthdays are also a stressor. All at once, nadas diagnosis, our family all getting the flu, xmas, new years and my birthday. woopeee 2009! Can't wait for spring and summer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 You are talking and sharing with us about your pain and that is a good thing. Keep looking at your steps foward and the gains you are making to heal and recover. You are making progress and you are doing that with all the stressors you are dealing with. Take care and keep up the personal kindness. Malinda > > I am *trying* to be kind to myself, however its the real *head* stuff > that gets me up in a tangle. I wish I could just take my brain out and > put it into a jar for a day or so :-) > To take my mind off anything right now is tricky. Its freezing cold > here in winter - we live with high mountains around us - and the sun > goes so quickly that we (well I rather) have a very short period of > time to get out and enjoy the day, not to mention a lack of money to > get out into a new environment thats warmer. > Even then I don't find that much enjoyment. I'm hoping the next week > or so gets better. I turn 32 in a week and birthdays are also a > stressor. All at once, nadas diagnosis, our family all getting the > flu, xmas, new years and my birthday. woopeee 2009! > Can't wait for spring and summer! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2009 Report Share Posted January 1, 2009 (I too can't wait for Spring!) My mind will run sometimes to worrying thoughts. I find it helpful to distract myself by watching a comedy, reading a book that's lighthearted or maybe even for kids (like some of Gordon Korman's books, such as Toilet Paper Tigers, Schooled, No More Dead Dogs and other school themes for middle schoolers). If you have an iPod or MP3 player and access to podcasts such as Wait Wait Don't Tell Me or Car Talk from NPR they catch my attention enough to turn off my mind. I cannot go to sleep without having something distracting to listen to. Flowers in Oz ----- Original Message ----- I am *trying* to be kind to myself, however its the real *head* stuff that gets me up in a tangle. I wish I could just take my brain out and put it into a jar for a day or so :-) To take my mind off anything right now is tricky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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