Breast implants may catch man's eye, but . . .

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http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/living/style/15035333.htm?source=rss & channel=charlotte_styleMALE CALL | ADVICE FROM A GUY Breast implants may catch man's eye, but natural look, feel are more appealing Q. My girlfriends and I are curious about something -- whether guys are in favor of women who have had, shall we say, chest enhancements. Or do they not care? None of us has done it or are planning to, but we wonder what guys think about it. How about we approach this from a different point of view ... yours. (Shocking, it's true. But we can pretend to know what some random stranger might be thinking as convincingly as the next tenuously qualified advice columnist. No, really, we can. Just watch.) So, how would you react if you met a pleasant, nice-looking guy, went on a few dates, took things slowly as you got to know each other, then eventually graduated

from a chaste good-night peck at the door to a gymnastic grapple-fest on the couch during which, as you passionately clutched a fistful of hair to pull him closer, his freaking scalp came off! You might think: A. "Is this a hallucination? I knew I shouldn't have had that third shot of Goldschlager." B. "Cool. This will make a great video for YouTube; I hope my bra-cam is working." C. "Eeeek ... is this the pet muskrat he keeps talking about?" D. "Wow, this is the most natural-looking toupee I've ever seen. But now I'm wondering what other physical shortcomings he's been hiding." Any of the first three choices you could deal with easily enough, but chances are your response would be closest to "D": surprise, disappointment, suspicion. Which is to say, guys, too, can certainly be enthralled by the bountiful appearance of someone. But sooner or later, reality doth intrude.

And, as Flaubert said, "Reality does not conform to the ideal, but confirms it." We're not sure what that means either ... we just wanted to say "doth." Whatever it means, it probably doesn't have anything to do with the sensation of expecting to feel one thing in a caress, and instead grasping a pouch of semi-liquefied Quikrete. Not that we have any experience with silicone ... or even saline ...implants, but we have mixed up a batch or two of cement. And the key is consistency. So the short answer to your question (we're amazed you're even still here) is that, yes, guys are attracted to the visuals, even if they (the visuals) are made of polyurethane and balsa wood. But when it comes to real live human interaction? Just as in men's hairstyles and major league baseball's weight training regimens, natural is better.