UPDATE; Re: Cry for attention? Total disregard? Suicide coming soon?

[Guest guest]

>

> I had a " emergency phone meeting " with therapist this morning over

> this (and a couple of other things regarding Nada). Therapist told

> me it is UNSAFE for me or my son to be in the car with Nada. That

> Nada is determined to derail me as she cries for attention and this

> will escalate to the point of injury or death of me and/or mine.

>

> I feel horrible.

>

> How can a MOTHER hate herself and her child so bad that she'll do

> THIS to get her way?

>

> I'm working hard to get to the self-preservation stage and not

caring

> stage...

>

> WHY IS THAT PART BROKEN IN ME????

>

> Sniff.

>

> Lynnette

>

Lynnette-

I think your mom doesn't " hate " you...you are just part of the fall

out. Her actions are more a reflection on misdirected self-

loathing. She is way too self-absorbed to spend time hating you.

She will, however, attempt to deflect blame and project and make

things everyone's fault but her own. She is mentally ill. Very

seriously mentally ill. You should protect yourself and your son.

Before I knew what was wrong with my Nada (i.e. before I knew about

BPD), I had to make the decision not to allow her to drive my kids

anywhere. She could get so wound up in her thoughts that she would

veer into another lane. On a day when she had watched my kids I came

home and she was extremely aggitated. She wouldn't speak to me about

what was wrong and nearly mowed me down in the driveway leaving.

When I asked my daughter about how Nana had seemed during the day,

she recounted how Nana was talking to herself while she was driving

and had veered into the other lane... " but it's o.k. Mom. There

weren't any other cars coming. " At least not this time. I made a

decision that day that there would be no " next " time.

It is painful to come to terms with the fact that your own mother is

incapable of unconditional love. It is even more painful to realize

they are so wound up in themselves and their own thoughts that those

around them are essentially offerred up in the fall-out as if they

were meaningless by-standers. In my own case, I remember literally

shaking after a conversation with Nada realizing she would rather

have her biggest fear come true to be proven right...her biggest fear

being my death in a drunk driving accident. I could not fathom how

she would " want " to be right in this case. I literally started

shaking and thought I was going to throw up. I thought exactly what

you are thinking, " Why does she hate me so much? " But over time I

came to realize the loathing I was feeling was merely projection of

her self-loathing. Whatever she " thinks " I had to remember it was NO

reflection on me, just as your mother's behavior is no reflection on

you.

As the Rolling Stones song says, " You can't always get what you

want. But if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you

need. " You can survive without validation from your Nada...you've

already made it about 40 years. You deserve much, much better than

you have received. You have worth even if your Nada never validates

that fact. She will not likely change. All you can do is what you

are trying to do...focus on self-preservation. There are people in

your life who love you and want you to be a part of their lives.

People who can reciprocate and appreciate your love. Focus on that.

Take care-

JJFan

[Guest guest]

Lynette -- Just wanted to chime in and add that -- back before I knew about BPD,

and used to leave him alone with her -- my nada has also behaved in ways that

placed my son in physical danger.

Aside from crazy/erratic driving, she's also gone on walks with him AND LEFT HIM

ALONE to find his own way home. We're talking 6 or 7 year-old, here. One time,

she took him to a public beach AND FELL ASLEEP FOR THREE HOURS! I'm serious, he

was completely unsupervised, the whole time. She came back telling me how

" considerate " he was for letting her catch up on her sleep!

Another time, they went on a dog walk and she returned alone to make a phone

call. My son? SHE LEFT HIM ALONE AT A STRANGER'S HOUSE, SEVERAL STREETS AWAY.

These psychos can't be trusted with our kids.

They are sadistic, self-absorbed idiots. Don't forget: was a BP!

Best to you,

S

UPDATE; Re: Cry for attention? Total disregard?

Suicide coming soon?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> >

> > I had a " emergency phone meeting " with therapist this morning

> over

> > this (and a couple of other things regarding Nada). Therapist

> told

> > me it is UNSAFE for me or my son to be in the car with Nada.

> That

> > Nada is determined to derail me as she cries for attention and

> this

> > will escalate to the point of injury or death of me and/or

> mine.

> >

> > I feel horrible.

> >

> > How can a MOTHER hate herself and her child so bad that she'll

> do

> > THIS to get her way?

> >

> > I'm working hard to get to the self-preservation stage and not

> caring

> > stage...

> >

> > WHY IS THAT PART BROKEN IN ME????

> >

> > Sniff.

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

> Lynnette-

>

> I think your mom doesn't " hate " you...you are just part of the

> fall

> out. Her actions are more a reflection on misdirected self-

> loathing. She is way too self-absorbed to spend time hating

> you.

> She will, however, attempt to deflect blame and project and make

> things everyone's fault but her own. She is mentally ill. Very

> seriously mentally ill. You should protect yourself and your son.

>

> Before I knew what was wrong with my Nada (i.e. before I knew

> about

> BPD), I had to make the decision not to allow her to drive my

> kids

> anywhere. She could get so wound up in her thoughts that she

> would

> veer into another lane. On a day when she had watched my kids I

> came

> home and she was extremely aggitated. She wouldn't speak to me

> about

> what was wrong and nearly mowed me down in the driveway leaving.

>

> When I asked my daughter about how Nana had seemed during the

> day,

> she recounted how Nana was talking to herself while she was

> driving

> and had veered into the other lane... " but it's o.k. Mom. There

> weren't any other cars coming. " At least not this time. I made

> a

> decision that day that there would be no " next " time.

>

> It is painful to come to terms with the fact that your own

> mother is

> incapable of unconditional love. It is even more painful to

> realize

> they are so wound up in themselves and their own thoughts that

> those

> around them are essentially offerred up in the fall-out as if

> they

> were meaningless by-standers. In my own case, I remember

> literally

> shaking after a conversation with Nada realizing she would

> rather

> have her biggest fear come true to be proven right...her biggest

> fear

> being my death in a drunk driving accident. I could not fathom

> how

> she would " want " to be right in this case. I literally started

> shaking and thought I was going to throw up. I thought exactly

> what

> you are thinking, " Why does she hate me so much? " But over time

> I

> came to realize the loathing I was feeling was merely projection

> of

> her self-loathing. Whatever she " thinks " I had to remember it

> was NO

> reflection on me, just as your mother's behavior is no

> reflection on

> you.

>

> As the Rolling Stones song says, " You can't always get what you

> want. But if you try sometime, you just might find, you get

> what you

> need. " You can survive without validation from your

> Nada...you've

> already made it about 40 years. You deserve much, much better

> than

> you have received. You have worth even if your Nada never

> validates

> that fact. She will not likely change. All you can do is what

> you

> are trying to do...focus on self-preservation. There are people

> in

> your life who love you and want you to be a part of their lives.

>

> People who can reciprocate and appreciate your love. Focus on that.

>

> Take care-

> JJFan

>

>

>

>