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My fleas

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 i have many of the " fleas " that follow being the non-BPD daughter of a BPD

nada.

I keep trying to win her approval and to please her.  I have the choice to pass

her house on the way to and from my doctor appointments.  I struggle with

avoiding further interaction with someone who regularly hurts me.  I find myself

pulling into the drive way and having my muscles tighten and knots begin in my

stomach.  I convince myself that " this time " things will be different. 

Occasinally, they are and we actually have a good visit.  Other times, I leave

in tears and swear that I will not go back for more abuse.  My husband has

commented many times that he would not keep going back for more.  I am an only

child and feel so obligated to help her. I wrestle with my memories of a painful

childhood and then with guilt over how I will feel when she is no longer

around.  I am in therapy and just now learning how to set boundaries.

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