Just when I think I am OK...

[Guest guest]

I can't decide if my husband is just mean-spirited or an idiot, but

tonight he set off my waterworks. The worst part for me is that it

caught me completely off guard. He had kind of been picking at me

all night over really stupid little things. Then all of a sudden he

brought up Nada. I have been pretty much NC for the last 4 months

with one small exception.

He started bugging me about calling her with it being close to the

holidays and all. (Most days he discourages contact with Nada

vehemently.) However, for whatever reason, he just felt onery and

decided to push my buttons tonight.

I got pretty upset and told him that he doesn't understand how

painful it is to me. I would love to have a Mom who I could call and

discuss holiday plans with. No I mean it would absolutely be a dream

come true.

Reality dictates however, that this will NEVER happen for me. She is

63 years old and sees NOTHING wrong with her behavior. (Actually she

believes it is me who has issues.)

I was really taken aback at how painful this is for me. I think

maybe I am finally facing reality and starting the greiving process.

I am not very good with reality though and this is breaking my heart.