RE to all so far -- NC Nada etc.

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone.  My caretaker has been with our family for 3 years and knows

intimately the damage nada has attempted in the past.  He is /very/ intent on

keeping the NC intact and dedicated to that end.  He is concerned about the mail

since Nada is sending things but I will intercept it and hide what I can from

the children so they think things come from me & dad - not from anywhere else. 

Hell even Santa at this point.

We're in a different state than nada so my hubby says a restraining order isn't

an option at this point.  But thank you for recommending it.  It's been hard to

feel vindicated when every family member thinks I'm the evil one for abandoning

my poor poor nada.  I know many of you know what /that/ feels like.

As for talking with my children - they turn 4 & 5 this year.  My oldest was the

'favorite' by my nada.  So much so that nada locked the younger one in her

bedroom for hours at a time when she had them for the two short weeks I had

surgery.  The first and last time nada EVER took care of them without

supervision.  I still kick myself for this.  So my oldest is having a hard time

letting go of 'grandma'.  I hate lying to them, but I need to protect them and

they're so young I can't really explain it to them - and they don't understand

that grandma's 'sick' insomuch as to be harmful to them - does that make sense? 

So if anyone has other suggestions I'm open --

They're just such little, beautiful girls ... I don't want them hurt any

further.  And my youngest is vehement about grandma.  My oldest says " What about

grandma? " and my youngest says " Grandma's dead. "   My youngest doesn't seem angry

- just more easily 'distant' from the issue if that's possible at that age?

Thanks to all of you for your replies,

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, December 6, 2008 8:47:01 PM

Subject: Re: NC Nada is Trying to Break Through - HELP!

I also think that you should talk to your caregiver and get a

restraining order. You also need to think about what you are going to

say to your kids if she finds a way to contact them one day. They

could be very upset at being lied to especially if nada gets to them

before you. That is my opinion.

>

> Hi Everyone.  I am hoping for some sage advice.

>  

> I went NC with my nada last Xmas after she was verbally abusive to

my daughters, at the time 2 & 3 years old.  I have been very happy

with my decision as she has been horribly destructive to my life when

given any opportunity, including trying to get me to divorce my

husband, blaming me for every ill in her life, telling me what a

failure and non-parent I am etc.  I have  a rare brain disease called

PTC and she screeched that I was faking it.  Apparently MRI's and

hospitals lie.  Anyways after YEARS of abuse I ended it and told my

children she had passed away.  Now before you think me rash, please

realize that my nada had been making remarks to my caretaker (have one

bc of my illness) for a year that he should come to her with any issue

with the children so she could build a case of neglect and have them

removed from me and put in her home.  Now what would /you/ do?

>  

> So, my daughter will be 5 this year and in public school.  I don't

want Nada anywhere near her and we live several states away.  But JUST

in case, I don't even want my kids to know she exists.  Period. 

>  

> Now here's my dillema.  She called my cell phone on Thanksgiving

behaving as if we had never stopped talking.  She acts as if nothing

ever happened and says " I don't know what you're so mad about, we love

you, everything is fine.  -Call me! "   It made me angry, but I did

/not/ let it ruin my day.

>  

> We have our new home phone number unlisted.  Partly bc of her.  She

called my caretaker's cell phone and he didn't recognize her number

and actually answered it.  She told him she's sending packages for the

children and myself and she doesn't understand why I'm so mad and how

all is well.  She also demanded to speak with the children.  Of course

he made excuses and politely got her off the phone as quick as he could.

>  

> She is not stupid.  She knows better than to call my husband who

would REAM her.  She knows I will not return her calls and I have her

email blocked.  My caretaker is a good man, but this puts him in a

sensative position too bc now she's trying to go through him.  I don't

want to break my NC to give her ANY attention.

>  

> Thoughts?

>

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