Re: Back after a long break...Nadas and Sexual Stuff

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynn;

My mother wasn't overtly sexual but she did have a thing about bathroom

stuff and other weirdness. She used suppositories all the time and she

wasn't terribly modest about it. My sister and I can still see the dark blue

jar, with those white greasy things in them. She essentially forced them on

me when I was very small and didn't know I could say no, or that I should

have said no. My sister, who was older, vigorously resisted even though she

got in trouble for it. My mother also was way too clinical and easy to talk

about our bodies when it really wasn't necessary and we were too young.

The result of my mother's behavior caused sexual issues with my sister and

me. My sister can't stand having someone touch her breasts nor can she have

an orgasm with anyone - male or female. For me, I thought that orgasms

were...back there...as opposed to where they really are. Yeah, it's hard to

talk about. It's so gross. I had a therapist who said I react and respond to

things as if I'd been sexually abused. Even though there was no " sex "

overtly, my mother's caregiving (new acronym: nay-giving?) was full of a

lack of appropriate boundaries. I have a photo of me as a baby, 10 and a

half months old, and in my mother's hand it says that I did " BMs on the

toilet. " What?!

My mother also walked around us naked a lot. Ug, I can still see her in my

mind, now that I think of it, over 50 years later. And sadly, she had a

photo of herself naked when she was about 8 years old that her older

brothers took of her up on the roof of their apartrment. She was posed

standing inside a hubcap (I have no clue), with one hand over the crotch and

one over her chest. She showed that photo to me when I was about 10, saying

how her brothers did such strange things sometimes but that they loved her.

Note: her brothers were 14 and 16 years OLDER than she was, so they were in

their 20's AND MARRIED when that photo was taken.

One of those brothers passively abused my sister at about the same age by

allowing her to view his pornography - and also when he was a teen, got a

cousin pregnant. What the heck was going on in that family?!

Ug. Enough for now! Surely later I will recall other things. Glad I don't

use my name, LOL. But this is a very good and appropriate thread for us.

These things happened and dealing with them is part of our recovery.

Flowers in Oz

----- Original Message -----

I'm going to jump right in...are there any women on the board who had

expereice with thier mothers behaving in a sexual manner towards them?

What I am referring to specifically is inappropriate touching,

fondeling, groping and also mothers who exposed themselfs in sexual

ways to thier FEMALE children. This is really hard for me to write but

something happened over christmas that has made me have to face this...

[Guest guest]

My mother talked very sexual with me. She told me about my father and

her's sex life. My father's wanting of men.

She always made sex seem so very dirty- and sexual pleasure was very

difficult for me. She would tell me if I had sex I was a slut and a

whore. I remember when I wouldn't share with her if I was having sex

with my husband when we were dating- she prayed the Blessed Virgin

- would do an intevention and make sure I would get pregnant- and

I did. Talk about being freaked out.

She would tell me women who liked sex even with their husband's were

cock women, and they were disgusting. So I thought enjoying sex made

me a bad person.

She always ran around the house naked- to this day- in front of my 25

year old daughter- she will strip down in the laundry room and walk

through the house back to her bedroom. It is always very weird- yet

if I said anything- it would be what is your problem?

She would also judge people using their gentials- especially women-

like if someone had a dirty house in her eyes- or left their holiday

decorations up beyond January 2nd- she would say that woman was dirty

and I am embarassed to even write this- a stinky c--t. She still will

say that. I have no idea what the correlation even is- she is crazy.

She never touched me inappropriately- just abused me with her

disgusting words.

I do wonder why I am not more screwed up then I am....because I grew

up in a crazy world- just like we all did.

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Pink and Blue Flowers "

wrote:

>

> Hi Lynn;

>

> My mother wasn't overtly sexual but she did have a thing about

bathroom

> stuff and other weirdness. She used suppositories all the time and

she

> wasn't terribly modest about it. My sister and I can still see the

dark blue

> jar, with those white greasy things in them. She essentially forced

them on

> me when I was very small and didn't know I could say no, or that I

should

> have said no. My sister, who was older, vigorously resisted even

though she

> got in trouble for it. My mother also was way too clinical and easy

to talk

> about our bodies when it really wasn't necessary and we were too

young.

>

> The result of my mother's behavior caused sexual issues with my

sister and

> me. My sister can't stand having someone touch her breasts nor can

she have

> an orgasm with anyone - male or female. For me, I thought that

orgasms

> were...back there...as opposed to where they really are. Yeah, it's

hard to

> talk about. It's so gross. I had a therapist who said I react and

respond to

> things as if I'd been sexually abused. Even though there was

no " sex "

> overtly, my mother's caregiving (new acronym: nay-giving?) was full

of a

> lack of appropriate boundaries. I have a photo of me as a baby, 10

and a

> half months old, and in my mother's hand it says that I did " BMs on

the

> toilet. " What?!

>

> My mother also walked around us naked a lot. Ug, I can still see

her in my

> mind, now that I think of it, over 50 years later. And sadly, she

had a

> photo of herself naked when she was about 8 years old that her

older

> brothers took of her up on the roof of their apartrment. She was

posed

> standing inside a hubcap (I have no clue), with one hand over the

crotch and

> one over her chest. She showed that photo to me when I was about

10, saying

> how her brothers did such strange things sometimes but that they

loved her.

> Note: her brothers were 14 and 16 years OLDER than she was, so they

were in

> their 20's AND MARRIED when that photo was taken.

>

> One of those brothers passively abused my sister at about the same

age by

> allowing her to view his pornography - and also when he was a

teen, got a

> cousin pregnant. What the heck was going on in that family?!

>

> Ug. Enough for now! Surely later I will recall other things. Glad I

don't

> use my name, LOL. But this is a very good and appropriate thread

for us.

> These things happened and dealing with them is part of our recovery.

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

> ----- Original Message -----

>

>

> I'm going to jump right in...are there any women on the board who

had

> expereice with thier mothers behaving in a sexual manner towards

them?

> What I am referring to specifically is inappropriate touching,

> fondeling, groping and also mothers who exposed themselfs in sexual

> ways to thier FEMALE children. This is really hard for me to write

but

> something happened over christmas that has made me have to face

this...

>

[Guest guest]

Truly horrid...

Incidentally, the image of your mother at 8 immediately brought to

mind the painting " The Birth of Venus " in which the Roman goddess

stands on a large sea shell in that exact pose. Perhaps that's what

her sick, twisted siblings were trying to emulate when they posed her

for that photo.

See image of painting here:

http://www.abm-enterprises.net/venus.htm

qwerty

>

> Hi Lynn;

>

> My mother wasn't overtly sexual but she did have a thing about bathroom

> stuff and other weirdness. She used suppositories all the time and she

> wasn't terribly modest about it. My sister and I can still see the

dark blue

> jar, with those white greasy things in them. She essentially forced

them on

> me when I was very small and didn't know I could say no, or that I

should

> have said no. My sister, who was older, vigorously resisted even

though she

> got in trouble for it. My mother also was way too clinical and easy

to talk

> about our bodies when it really wasn't necessary and we were too young.

>

> The result of my mother's behavior caused sexual issues with my

sister and

> me. My sister can't stand having someone touch her breasts nor can

she have

> an orgasm with anyone - male or female. For me, I thought that orgasms

> were...back there...as opposed to where they really are. Yeah, it's

hard to

> talk about. It's so gross. I had a therapist who said I react and

respond to

> things as if I'd been sexually abused. Even though there was no " sex "

> overtly, my mother's caregiving (new acronym: nay-giving?) was full

of a

> lack of appropriate boundaries. I have a photo of me as a baby, 10

and a

> half months old, and in my mother's hand it says that I did " BMs on the

> toilet. " What?!

>

> My mother also walked around us naked a lot. Ug, I can still see her

in my

> mind, now that I think of it, over 50 years later. And sadly, she had a

> photo of herself naked when she was about 8 years old that her older

> brothers took of her up on the roof of their apartrment. She was posed

> standing inside a hubcap (I have no clue), with one hand over the

crotch and

> one over her chest. She showed that photo to me when I was about 10,

saying

> how her brothers did such strange things sometimes but that they

loved her.

> Note: her brothers were 14 and 16 years OLDER than she was, so they

were in

> their 20's AND MARRIED when that photo was taken.

>

> One of those brothers passively abused my sister at about the same

age by

> allowing her to view his pornography - and also when he was a teen,

got a

> cousin pregnant. What the heck was going on in that family?!

>

> Ug. Enough for now! Surely later I will recall other things. Glad I

don't

> use my name, LOL. But this is a very good and appropriate thread for

us.

> These things happened and dealing with them is part of our recovery.

>

> Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

yes my nada was weird too.

when i shifted back home at 22 or 23 she offered her very real-life

vibrator to me *jokingly* to use if I need it. She also said her ex

(my stepfather) brought it for her when he had to spend 2 years in

Japan working. yuk!! I can't look at a vibrator now without thinking

of that situation!

she use to also wear no underpants under her nightee everynight and

complained of thrush (once offering to show me what it looked like or

what haemmorroids looked like) and constantly had her hand down there

scratching, then sniffing her fingers, then cleaning them with her

teeth! gross!! this all IN FRONT OF my step-father, my sister and

myself when I was about 17 or so. This happened often and was totally

'normal' for her. My SF just smirked. He was also sick in his own way

too (sexually abused me for years).

She also use to tell me that she would wake in the night to my SF

masturbating next to her. Or wake and if he wasn't next to her in the

bed she would find him in the lounge masturbating. That issue in

particular has given me shocking sexual problems in my relationships.

Yep there was also the whole thing where she reckoned he was having an

affair with another man. Not a woman, a man. I don't get that??!! Why

is that these nadas reckon their hubbies are having affairs with MEN

and not women??

Sex for me is not *fun* as my husband said it should be. Try as I

might I just can't find it *fun* I enjoy it but its not the same. I

feel shamed to want it. I get hostile when my husband wants it and hes

given up asking for it because I get hostile and reject him. I only

feel like it about once a month, and even then its rare. I use to be

very promiscuous as a teen once I left home. But it made me feel worse

and never gave me what I thought I wanted.

I'm 32 with two kids a great hubby, and yet I'm totally f*****d up!!

so yeah, i know what its like to have a totally inappropriate mother!!

[Guest guest]

These nada stories do make me sick to my stomach- my mother did the no

underwear thing- WTF.

It is just all gross to me.

As for the personal sexual stuff- it is another demon we were given

to battle- we are entitled to enjoy our bodies sexually. It is not

dirty or cheap- it is an expression of love between two people or to

ourselves- it is ok.

They have robbed us- of something that can be beautiful...it is just

so wrong.

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " angeandsimon "

wrote:

>

> yes my nada was weird too.

>

> when i shifted back home at 22 or 23 she offered her very real-life

> vibrator to me *jokingly* to use if I need it. She also said her ex

> (my stepfather) brought it for her when he had to spend 2 years in

> Japan working. yuk!! I can't look at a vibrator now without thinking

> of that situation!

>

> she use to also wear no underpants under her nightee everynight and

> complained of thrush (once offering to show me what it looked like

or

> what haemmorroids looked like) and constantly had her hand down

there

> scratching, then sniffing her fingers, then cleaning them with her

> teeth! gross!! this all IN FRONT OF my step-father, my sister and

> myself when I was about 17 or so. This happened often and was

totally

> 'normal' for her. My SF just smirked. He was also sick in his own

way

> too (sexually abused me for years).

>

> She also use to tell me that she would wake in the night to my SF

> masturbating next to her. Or wake and if he wasn't next to her in

the

> bed she would find him in the lounge masturbating. That issue in

> particular has given me shocking sexual problems in my

relationships.

>

> Yep there was also the whole thing where she reckoned he was having

an

> affair with another man. Not a woman, a man. I don't get that??!!

Why

> is that these nadas reckon their hubbies are having affairs with MEN

> and not women??

>

> Sex for me is not *fun* as my husband said it should be. Try as I

> might I just can't find it *fun* I enjoy it but its not the same. I

> feel shamed to want it. I get hostile when my husband wants it and

hes

> given up asking for it because I get hostile and reject him. I only

> feel like it about once a month, and even then its rare. I use to be

> very promiscuous as a teen once I left home. But it made me feel

worse

> and never gave me what I thought I wanted.

>

> I'm 32 with two kids a great hubby, and yet I'm totally f*****d up!!

> so yeah, i know what its like to have a totally inappropriate

mother!!

>

[Guest guest]

>

Why

> is that these nadas reckon their hubbies are having affairs with MEN

> and not women??

>

Because if he's gay, it's not her fault. If he's cheating with another

woman, then something could be wrong with the nada.