Re: did it!

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Happyout, congrats! I'm glad you're using the strategy

of " having an interview " to get away for a few days. (I'm giving you

a virtual high-five: smak!)

It sounds like its finally registering with you that nothing you can

possibly do or say is going to change the way your aggressively toxic

mother and father and sister treat you.

You're starting to realize that your best option is to leave (like

your brother did), get as far away from them as possible and have as

little contact with them as possible because you have a tendency to

get sucked back into their sick, abusive dynamic when you are around

them.

(Is there any way you could contact your brother for some advice on

getting a job in his area, or advice on how he deals with your

parents? Can your fellow-escapee brother be your ally?)

Your mother/father/sister " play " with you like a cat plays with a

mouse: the cat bites the mouse so it dies slowly, and the cat breaks

the mouse's legs so it can't run away, then bats it around, making the

mouse try to limp away, then the cat " catches " it again, etc.

The sooner you get yourself set up with a new job (out of the country,

hopefully) and emotionally detach from your parents, the healthier and

more joyful your life is going to be.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, period, end of

sentence. Your mother is neither alone nor abandoned nor poor,

apparently. It sounds to me like your parents can easily afford to

hire a full-time caregiver for your mother if you are not there.

In my opinion, you need to leave before they " break more of your legs. "

From my point of view, the hard part is to stop caring what my mother

thinks about me. I care very much about what good, decent, normal,

caring, mentally healthy, altruistic people think of me, people that I

admire and respect (like my Sister) but I'm in the process of letting

myself not care if my bpd mother is angry or upset or hurt with me or

not. It doesn't matter what she thinks of me, because she is mentally

ill and wants to totally dominate and control and use me. That is

bad. I don't *care* if the bad person doesn't like me. Its

simplistic, but becoming emotionally detached is an extremely key

component to saving ourselves, IMHO.

What I hope to achieve eventually is " compassionate detachment. "

I'm not there yet.

-Annie

>

> OK Ive just texted my nsister who is in visiting my nada, telling her I

> just checked my emails and I have an interview half a days drive away

> and wont be able to visist nada for a few days - ah what a shame. That

> should do the job! Feel much better. NOT taking this shit on.

>

> You know last night was probalby one of the few times my nada was left

> with her own feelings - kinda - that her shit was put back on her. As

> if huh?

>

> Right - So now not only do I not have to visit my nada for a few days -

> let her get the message, and also they will be terrified that I wont be

> around to help her through her chemo -

>

> I know, I know - the ideal thing is to actually just move and break

> contact - but I have no where to go, no job etc. - and I have to stage

> manage this. NO WAY I am being scapegoated.

>

> Vent over - I hope

>