Is it possible to have a BPD nada and also a daughter (and not be BPD myself???)

[Guest guest]

There is no question that my 85 year old nada has BPD. My husband

(who gets along with everybody) calls her " evil " . I am an only child

and she has used emotional devaluation on my all my life. The staff

at her assisted living facility just don't get it. They think that

they can work harder to please her (yeah, right).

My 32 year old daughter (from my first marriage) has not spoken to me

in 4 months. She even got married and didn't tell me. I have sent

emails and cards just asking that our relationship be restored (life

is too short). She ignores my attempts. My heart has been broken.

I am in therapy. We went to my son's house (out-of-state) for

Thanksgiving. When she called him, my husband heard her say " you

mean she hasn't asked about us??? " . My son acts like he doens't know

anything about our problem. My husband took the opportunity to " fill

him in " on the facts.

After trying to contact her and no answer, I can only suppose that I

have offended her in some way (I wish I knew what, so I can

apologize). Now, I am backing off and waiting for her to call. I may

be waiting a long time-she is very stubborn. (We have always walked

on egg shells around her). I tend to feel very guilty for her

atttitude toward me. She and her brother consider their biological

father (now deceased) as their " hero " . He was a alcoholic,

irresponsible husband and father (no child support) but he treated

them to fun summers at amusement parks. I never bad-mouthed him to

our kids-hoping that they would have a good relationship with their

real dad. That philosphy back-fired on me!). They flew to be with

him dozens of times while he was sick. I had 7 major surgeries and

they never called to check on me. Am I the one with the problem? If

so, I will work on it. I must be sending out some signal that turns

them off. I'm trying to be positive about a good outcome but it is

taking a toil on me. Is there a chat board for parents like me?

[Guest guest]

At " BPD Central " there is a list of support groups broken down into

categories, but I don't think there is a specific group for your

situation: a non-bpd with a bpd parent AND a bpd child.

http://www.bpdcentral.com/support/email.shtml

There is a Group there for the parents of bpd children where you can

perhaps get some feedback RE your relationship with your daughter. It

is worrisome that you have no clue as to how you may have contributed

to the break in your relationship with her; maybe that Group can help

you gain some personal insight with that situation.

This Group here is mostly concerned with discussing our experiences

dealing with our bpd parents who *still* try to dominate us, use us,

batter us emotionally and are disruptive, upsetting, intrusive and

even dangerous, even though we are adults who deserve respect and

deserve to have our own, separate lives.

There are a lot of good books out there now about bpd, and there is a

book-list at BPD Central. The books by Randi Kreger are quite good

and there are other very good ones listed there as well.

So, I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> There is no question that my 85 year old nada has BPD. My husband

> (who gets along with everybody) calls her " evil " . I am an only child

> and she has used emotional devaluation on my all my life. The staff

> at her assisted living facility just don't get it. They think that

> they can work harder to please her (yeah, right).

> My 32 year old daughter (from my first marriage) has not spoken to me

> in 4 months. She even got married and didn't tell me. I have sent

> emails and cards just asking that our relationship be restored (life

> is too short). She ignores my attempts. My heart has been broken.

> I am in therapy. We went to my son's house (out-of-state) for

> Thanksgiving. When she called him, my husband heard her say " you

> mean she hasn't asked about us??? " . My son acts like he doens't know

> anything about our problem. My husband took the opportunity to " fill

> him in " on the facts.

> After trying to contact her and no answer, I can only suppose that I

> have offended her in some way (I wish I knew what, so I can

> apologize). Now, I am backing off and waiting for her to call. I may

> be waiting a long time-she is very stubborn. (We have always walked

> on egg shells around her). I tend to feel very guilty for her

> atttitude toward me. She and her brother consider their biological

> father (now deceased) as their " hero " . He was a alcoholic,

> irresponsible husband and father (no child support) but he treated

> them to fun summers at amusement parks. I never bad-mouthed him to

> our kids-hoping that they would have a good relationship with their

> real dad. That philosphy back-fired on me!). They flew to be with

> him dozens of times while he was sick. I had 7 major surgeries and

> they never called to check on me. Am I the one with the problem? If

> so, I will work on it. I must be sending out some signal that turns

> them off. I'm trying to be positive about a good outcome but it is

> taking a toil on me. Is there a chat board for parents like me?

>