Re: Nada threatening to show up at my home

[Guest guest]

I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and telling her what was

not ok and standing up for yourself. GOOD JOB. That is so hard to do

with a bpd bully!!!

>

> This is long, sorry.

>

> I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

> kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that if I

> wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she would be

> coming.

>

> Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was Nada. I

> went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her mobile.

> That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

> scared to death she was halfway to our house.

>

> I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to let me

> know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents. I

> told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were going to

> see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give her an

> itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was not a

> good time.

>

> She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

>

> First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she said

> she said her private conversations were none of my business. When I

> pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

> and crying and getting more dramatic.

>

> I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok to

> call me six times a day or track me down on other people's phones. She

> denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she called

> my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

> twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

> negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only time

> that this happened and was not ok.

>

> She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

> or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not normal. No

> one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he never

> returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

>

> I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

> not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over. I

> reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst into

> tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and daughter

> asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I could

> not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly me

> made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried' like I

> was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids. It's

> always about her. :/

>

> I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and that

> she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce that

> she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to come

> to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

> rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and that

> I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

>

> She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see husband's

> family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her that

> of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's not a

> competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it was

> horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I told

> her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and several

> day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

>

> She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She kept

> saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

> home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to come. I

> told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police. She

> told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

> up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> call the police.

>

> She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny except

> that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that she

> had never said that)

>

> At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on her. I

> didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

>

> I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just to

> warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming him.

> He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to but

> I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making a

> scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

> but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

> phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him to.

>

> As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset saying

> horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but they

> were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to them

> or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and was not

> upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to get

> put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

> I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

> little confused, I guess.

>

> I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've checked

> the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

> playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm keeping the

> kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she has

> done for me.

>

> I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

> home for the next couple of weeks.

>

> I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on the

> phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, , that is so strong and courageous of you to stand up to

your nada like that!! I am giving you a virtual high-five (smak!)

And wow, your nada sure is pitching a temper tantrum over it, Holy

Cow! Its totally the kind of demanding, entitled, self-serving

behavior that a spoiled two-year-old displays when thwarted, and so

repulsive when its coming from an adult.

I too feel proud of you and wish you all the strength, endurance, and

patience you need to withstand Hurricane Nada. I think holing up at

your in-law's is a great idea if they understand the situation,

realize that nada could possibly show up at their place, and are

willing to shield you. That would be wonderful!

best wishes,

-Annie

>

> This is long, sorry.

>

> I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

> kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that if I

> wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she would be

> coming.

>

> Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was Nada. I

> went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her mobile.

> That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

> scared to death she was halfway to our house.

>

> I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to let me

> know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents. I

> told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were going to

> see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give her an

> itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was not a

> good time.

>

> She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

>

> First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she said

> she said her private conversations were none of my business. When I

> pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

> and crying and getting more dramatic.

>

> I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok to

> call me six times a day or track me down on other people's phones. She

> denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she called

> my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

> twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

> negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only time

> that this happened and was not ok.

>

> She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

> or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not normal. No

> one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he never

> returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

>

> I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

> not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over. I

> reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst into

> tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and daughter

> asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I could

> not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly me

> made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried' like I

> was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids. It's

> always about her. :/

>

> I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and that

> she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce that

> she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to come

> to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

> rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and that

> I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

>

> She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see husband's

> family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her that

> of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's not a

> competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it was

> horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I told

> her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and several

> day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

>

> She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She kept

> saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

> home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to come. I

> told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police. She

> told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

> up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> call the police.

>

> She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny except

> that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that she

> had never said that)

>

> At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on her. I

> didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

>

> I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just to

> warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming him.

> He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to but

> I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making a

> scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

> but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

> phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him to.

>

> As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset saying

> horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but they

> were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to them

> or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and was not

> upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to get

> put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

> I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

> little confused, I guess.

>

> I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've checked

> the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

> playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm keeping the

> kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she has

> done for me.

>

> I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

> home for the next couple of weeks.

>

> I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on the

> phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.

>

[Guest guest]

, it sounds like you did a really great job!!

And I agree -- she IS just a bully. What can she really do to you? Nothing.

She can make a scene, so what? She can bad-mouth you, but she's already doing

that anyway.

I say, stick to your guns and if she shows up, go ahead and call the police.

Don't let her in and don't interract with her. This might be a great time to

send her an email outlining your position, since it was left hanging on the

phone.

My nada has shown up uninvited at my home and physically forced her way past me

and entered when I opened the door. She's also BROKEN into my home when I

wasn't there to display her power (this was all before I went NC). But she

lives near me -- I'm wondering if your nada would REALLY go to the trouble of

making such a long drive if she knew in advance you absolutely will not let her

in and would only call the police if she arrives?

Anyhow, I vote for NOT giving up your house in fear for the next few weeks --

don't let her force you into hiding at your inlaws. Don't let her chase you out

of your home in fear! Just call the cops if she shows up, which might not even

happen. Remember: SHE CAN'T HURT YOU! BPs enjoy the fear they make us feel --

they ENJOY the power rush from making us afraid of them, and using that fear to

control us. (Ugghhhh.... so disgusting!!!)

Just my two cents, of course. Best of luck, whatever you decide! Keep posting.

Best, S

Re: Nada threatening to show up at my home

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and telling her what was

> not ok and standing up for yourself. GOOD JOB. That is so hard

> to do

> with a bpd bully!!!

>

>

>

> >

> > This is long, sorry.

> >

> > I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> > emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and

> see my

> > kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying

> that if I

> > wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she

> would be

> > coming.

> >

> > Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was

> Nada. I

> > went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her

> mobile.> That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to

> her. I was

> > scared to death she was halfway to our house.

> >

> > I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling

> to let me

> > know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring

> presents. I

> > told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> > demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were

> going to

> > see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give

> her an

> > itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it

> was not a

> > good time.

> >

> > She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> > behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> > told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> > about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

> >

> > First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics,

> she said

> > she said her private conversations were none of my business.

> When I

> > pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

> > and crying and getting more dramatic.

> >

> > I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not

> ok to

> > call me six times a day or track me down on other people's

> phones. She

> > denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she

> called> my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my

> inlaws phone

> > twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

> > negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the

> only time

> > that this happened and was not ok.

> >

> > She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

> > or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not

> normal. No

> > one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care,

> he never

> > returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

> >

> > I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

> > not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come

> over. I

> > reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she

> burst into

> > tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and

> daughter> asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was

> NOT OK and I could

> > not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She

> repeatedly me

> > made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried'

> like I

> > was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the

> kids. It's

> > always about her. :/

> >

> > I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home,

> and that

> > she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just

> announce that

> > she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> > acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask

> to come

> > to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

> > rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home,

> and that

> > I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

> >

> > She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see

> husband's> family and she KNEW that I had seen them at

> Christmas. I told her that

> > of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's

> not a

> > competition or any of her business in any case. She said that

> it was

> > horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them.

> I told

> > her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and

> several> day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

> >

> > She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> > this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not.

> She kept

> > saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one

> would be

> > home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to

> come. I

> > told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the

> police. She

> > told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

> > up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> > call the police.

> >

> > She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> > CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny

> except> that it's not, considering that she swore at the

> beginning that she

> > had never said that)

> >

> > At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on

> her. I

> > didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

> >

> > I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade)

> just to

> > warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and

> blaming him.

> > He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want

> to but

> > I will call the police before I will let her stand outside

> making a

> > scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

> > but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't

> get a

> > phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> > There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted

> him to.

> >

> > As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him

> upset saying

> > horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids,

> but they

> > were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk

> to them

> > or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and

> was not

> > upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not

> to get

> > put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

> > I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it

> and a

> > little confused, I guess.

> >

> > I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've

> checked> the locks several times this evening. She might just

> call everyone

> > playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm

> keeping the

> > kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything

> she has

> > done for me.

> >

> > I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

> > home for the next couple of weeks.

> >

> > I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together

> on the

> > phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You are a very courageous woman, and you are being consistent -

which is so important. That for me is the only way I saw results with

my nada's crazy behaviors- being consistent and sticking to my guns.

My heart just knows how hard this is- and the drama. I always

hate the drama. They have to make it a battle. Not once could she say

ok honey- now is not a good time. I know you are busy- tired-sick-

have a life, no it is always that sense of entitlement. When she once

your time- and attention that is that.

My nada is psycho about me being with inlaws too. I hate it,

she would time how long my visit were with them. She would then

questioned me, how or why could I stay that long. I used to make

excuses- not anymore- just say because I wanted to stay that long.

I found speaking my mind- sticking to my guns and being

consistent- helps so much- so you are doing it. It is however in the

beginning exhausting- but it will get easier.

I understand why the one post response said don't run from

your home, I do get that. Nada's are crazy- so you got to do whatever

works for you.

When I left my husband- my nada went crazy wanting to control

my life. I rented an apt on the 3rd floor- which killed me-but I knew

nada couldn't do the steps regularly- and that was my built in

boundary. She threatened never to visit or speak to me again if I

moved back with him- which sorry to say- aided in my returning to him.

I didn't want her in my life so intensely and controlling- my point

is - I am so proud of you,

You are not playing games- this is your life and you are telling her

hands down- boundaries nada and -she better respect you and your

family.

I just couldn't do it straight foward- and I felt like I

created a mess- but we have better boundaries now- and I am grateful.

So don't give up or give in.

You go !!!

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 " <anuria-

67854@...> wrote:

>

> Wow, , that is so strong and courageous of you to stand up to

> your nada like that!! I am giving you a virtual high-five (smak!)

>

> And wow, your nada sure is pitching a temper tantrum over it, Holy

> Cow! Its totally the kind of demanding, entitled, self-serving

> behavior that a spoiled two-year-old displays when thwarted, and so

> repulsive when its coming from an adult.

>

> I too feel proud of you and wish you all the strength, endurance,

and

> patience you need to withstand Hurricane Nada. I think holing up at

> your in-law's is a great idea if they understand the situation,

> realize that nada could possibly show up at their place, and are

> willing to shield you. That would be wonderful!

>

> best wishes,

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > This is long, sorry.

> >

> > I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> > emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

> > kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that

if I

> > wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she

would be

> > coming.

> >

> > Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was

Nada. I

> > went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her

mobile.

> > That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

> > scared to death she was halfway to our house.

> >

> > I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to

let me

> > know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents.

I

> > told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> > demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were

going to

> > see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give

her an

> > itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was

not a

> > good time.

> >

> > She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> > behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> > told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> > about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

> >

> > First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she

said

> > she said her private conversations were none of my business. When

I

> > pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while

yelling

> > and crying and getting more dramatic.

> >

> > I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok

to

> > call me six times a day or track me down on other people's

phones. She

> > denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she

called

> > my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

> > twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that

somehow

> > negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only

time

> > that this happened and was not ok.

> >

> > She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my

grandfather

> > or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not

normal. No

> > one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he

never

> > returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

> >

> > I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way,

especially

> > not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over.

I

> > reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst

into

> > tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and

daughter

> > asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I

could

> > not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly

me

> > made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried'

like I

> > was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids.

It's

> > always about her. :/

> >

> > I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and

that

> > she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce

that

> > she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> > acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to

come

> > to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make

whatever

> > rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and

that

> > I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

> >

> > She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see

husband's

> > family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her

that

> > of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's

not a

> > competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it

was

> > horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I

told

> > her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and

several

> > day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

> >

> > She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> > this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She

kept

> > saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

> > home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to

come. I

> > told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police.

She

> > told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she

showed

> > up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> > call the police.

> >

> > She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> > CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny

except

> > that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that

she

> > had never said that)

> >

> > At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on

her. I

> > didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

> >

> > I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just

to

> > warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming

him.

> > He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to

but

> > I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making

a

> > scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get

involved,

> > but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

> > phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> > There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him

to.

> >

> > As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset

saying

> > horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but

they

> > were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to

them

> > or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and

was not

> > upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to

get

> > put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her

dramatics,

> > I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

> > little confused, I guess.

> >

> > I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've

checked

> > the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

> > playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm

keeping the

> > kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she

has

> > done for me.

> >

> > I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my

inlaws

> > home for the next couple of weeks.

> >

> > I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on

the

> > phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do

next.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow--awesome job. You handled that JUST RIGHT.

Just follow through with the consequences. Have the local PD number

handy so you don't have to look it up. A visit to your inlaws sounds

like a great idea.

Besides being much closer to us, my inlaws are " normal " , too. My

parents live a day's drive away. I understand. You are right that

you don't have to tell your mommy where you're going.

Good job!

>

> This is long, sorry.

>

> I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

> kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that if

I

> wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she would

be

> coming.

>

> Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was

Nada. I

> went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her

mobile.

> That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

> scared to death she was halfway to our house.

>

> I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to let

me

> know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents. I

> told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were going

to

> see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give her

an

> itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was

not a

> good time.

>

> She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

>

> First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she said

> she said her private conversations were none of my business. When I

> pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

> and crying and getting more dramatic.

>

> I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok to

> call me six times a day or track me down on other people's phones.

She

> denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she

called

> my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

> twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

> negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only

time

> that this happened and was not ok.

>

> She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

> or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not normal.

No

> one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he

never

> returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

>

> I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

> not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over. I

> reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst

into

> tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and

daughter

> asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I

could

> not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly me

> made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried' like I

> was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids.

It's

> always about her. :/

>

> I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and

that

> she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce

that

> she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to

come

> to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

> rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and

that

> I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

>

> She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see

husband's

> family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her

that

> of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's not a

> competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it was

> horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I

told

> her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and

several

> day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

>

> She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She

kept

> saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

> home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to come.

I

> told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police. She

> told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

> up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> call the police.

>

> She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny

except

> that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that she

> had never said that)

>

> At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on her.

I

> didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

>

> I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just to

> warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming him.

> He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to

but

> I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making a

> scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

> but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

> phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him

to.

>

> As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset

saying

> horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but

they

> were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to

them

> or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and was

not

> upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to

get

> put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

> I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

> little confused, I guess.

>

> I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've

checked

> the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

> playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm keeping

the

> kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she has

> done for me.

>

> I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

> home for the next couple of weeks.

>

> I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on the

> phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone. So far she has not shown up. I think that she will try this

weekend, if she tries at all. She knows that my husband will not be home at

that time. I will spend the day at my inlaws just in case. I'm sure she is

on the warpath letting everyone know how horrible I am, and playing the

victim. I'm just happy not be getting a million calls and emails anymore.

Malinda,

You are so right. I had to block Nada from my facebook and family blog

because any time i mentioned spending time with my husbands family I would

get a phonecall or emails saying how she missed us so much and someday we

would live close to her and get to spend time with her like we do with bens

family now. lots of passive agressiveness. she truely doesn't get that we

spend time with them because they are pleasent and treat us like adults, and

it's RELAXING, not stressful. The total opposite of what it's like at her

home.

Thank you all again. I'm sure this isn't over yet, but it is a great step in

the right direction.

> Wow--awesome job. You handled that JUST RIGHT.

>

> Just follow through with the consequences. Have the local PD number

> handy so you don't have to look it up. A visit to your inlaws sounds

> like a great idea.

>

> Besides being much closer to us, my inlaws are " normal " , too. My

> parents live a day's drive away. I understand. You are right that

> you don't have to tell your mommy where you're going.

>

> Good job!

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > This is long, sorry.

> >

> > I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

> > emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

> > kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that if

> I

> > wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she would

> be

> > coming.

> >

> > Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was

> Nada. I

> > went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her

> mobile.

> > That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

> > scared to death she was halfway to our house.

> >

> > I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to let

> me

> > know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents. I

> > told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

> > demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were going

> to

> > see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give her

> an

> > itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was

> not a

> > good time.

> >

> > She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

> > behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

> > told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

> > about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

> >

> > First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she said

> > she said her private conversations were none of my business. When I

> > pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

> > and crying and getting more dramatic.

> >

> > I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok to

> > call me six times a day or track me down on other people's phones.

> She

> > denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she

> called

> > my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

> > twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

> > negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only

> time

> > that this happened and was not ok.

> >

> > She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

> > or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not normal.

> No

> > one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he

> never

> > returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

> >

> > I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

> > not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over. I

> > reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst

> into

> > tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and

> daughter

> > asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I

> could

> > not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly me

> > made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried' like I

> > was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids.

> It's

> > always about her. :/

> >

> > I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and

> that

> > she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce

> that

> > she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

> > acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to

> come

> > to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

> > rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and

> that

> > I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

> >

> > She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see

> husband's

> > family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her

> that

> > of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's not a

> > competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it was

> > horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I

> told

> > her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and

> several

> > day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

> >

> > She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

> > this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She

> kept

> > saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

> > home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to come.

> I

> > told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police. She

> > told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

> > up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

> > call the police.

> >

> > She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

> > CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny

> except

> > that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that she

> > had never said that)

> >

> > At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on her.

> I

> > didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

> >

> > I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just to

> > warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming him.

> > He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to

> but

> > I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making a

> > scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

> > but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

> > phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

> > There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him

> to.

> >

> > As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset

> saying

> > horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but

> they

> > were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to

> them

> > or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and was

> not

> > upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to

> get

> > put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

> > I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

> > little confused, I guess.

> >

> > I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've

> checked

> > the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

> > playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm keeping

> the

> > kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she has

> > done for me.

> >

> > I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

> > home for the next couple of weeks.

> >

> > I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on the

> > phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.

> >

>

>

>

--