Nada threatening to show up at my home

[Guest guest]

This is long, sorry.

I have been LC with Nada working towards NC. She kept leaving VM,

emails, letters saying she was coming to bring presents and see my

kids. I kept ignoring her. Finally today she left VM saying that if I

wouldn't return her calls she would call and TELL me when she would be

coming.

Husbands phone rang this evening. Followed by my phone. It was Nada. I

went to see if she left a message, and noticed it was from her mobile.

That gave me enough panic to finally call and talk to her. I was

scared to death she was halfway to our house.

I called and asked what she needed. She said she was calling to let me

know she was coming next week to see the kids and bring presents. I

told her it was not a good week for us. She kept asking why and

demanding to know what we were doing next week and if we were going to

see Ben's family. I kept repeating that I did not need to give her an

itinerary of our week, and that we were sick and busy and it was not a

good time.

She got more and more hysterical. I told her that this kind of

behavior was why I could not have her in my home right now. I also

told her that I knew that she had been calling people and talking

about me behind my back, and telling people I was 'crazy'.

First she denied calling people. When I gave her specifics, she said

she said her private conversations were none of my business. When I

pinned her down further she had more excuses. All the while yelling

and crying and getting more dramatic.

I told her that she was not acting rationally, that it was not ok to

call me six times a day or track me down on other people's phones. She

denied doing both. I reminded her that on Thanksgiving day she called

my phone 2-3 times, husband's phone twice and then my inlaws phone

twice. She said she was calling FOR MY BIRTHDAY. As if that somehow

negated the fact that she did it? I told her it was not the only time

that this happened and was not ok.

She then accused me of never calling anyone back, not my grandfather

or my brother ect. and that not answering my phone was not normal. No

one else has ever complained. I know my brother doesn't care, he never

returns my calls either He has a life, it's ok!

I just kept telling her it was not ok to behave this way, especially

not in front of my kids, and that is why she could not come over. I

reminded her of the last time we were at her house when she burst into

tears and sulked in front of my three year old daughter, and daughter

asked me 'why is Mimi crying?'. I told her that was NOT OK and I could

not have her acting this way in front of my kids. She repeatedly me

made the sarcastic comment 'oh it's SO HORRIBLE that I cried' like I

was in the wrong for not wanting her to cry in front of the kids. It's

always about her. :/

I explained to her that she had not been invited to my home, and that

she needed to ask if she wanted to come visit, not just announce that

she was coming, and that this week is not a good time for us. She

acted like that was horrible and said that we never had to ask to come

to her home. I said that was fine, and that she could make whatever

rules she wanted for her own home, but that this is MY home, and that

I get to make the rules here. More hysterics.

She made comments about how she KNEW that I was going to see husband's

family and she KNEW that I had seen them at Christmas. I told her that

of course we did. They only live thirty minutes away. And it's not a

competition or any of her business in any case. She said that it was

horrible that we didn't come there for Christmas but saw them. I told

her that there is a big difference between a 6 hour drive and several

day trip, and a thirty minute drive and an afternoon visit.

She started saying that she was going to come to my house and have

this conversation face to face. I told her that she was not. She kept

saying YES I AM. I told her that if she came here, no one would be

home. She told me that I would not know when she was going to come. I

told her that if she showed up, I would have to call the police. She

told me I wouldn't do that, and I told her again, that if she showed

up at my home uninvited, I would have the door locked, and I would

call the police.

She started screaming and crying and saying over and over YOU ARE

CRAZY!! YOU ARE BEING CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY! (it would be funny except

that it's not, considering that she swore at the beginning that she

had never said that)

At that point my phone died. I'm sure she thought I hung up on her. I

didn't call her back and she hasn't called me yet.

I called my dad (they have been divorced for over a decade) just to

warn him that she will probably call him pissed off and blaming him.

He was sympathetic. He said not to call the cops. I don't want to but

I will call the police before I will let her stand outside making a

scene and traumatizing my children. I told him not to get involved,

but I just wanted him to know what was up so that he didn't get a

phone call and get ambushed. He was as supportive as he could be.

There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to or I wanted him to.

As soon as I hung up my brother called me. Mom called him upset saying

horrible things about me. He kept asking to talk to the kids, but they

were in the tub. I don't know if that was him wanting to talk to them

or if mom told him to ask for them. I told him I loved him and was not

upset with him and that everything was going to be ok, and not to get

put in the middle. He has had IBS his whole life from her dramatics,

I'm not going to make it worse for him. He seemed ok with it and a

little confused, I guess.

I'm super paranoid that she is going to show up here now. I've checked

the locks several times this evening. She might just call everyone

playing the martyr. She is the perfect grandmother and I'm keeping the

kids from her and I'm evil and unappreciative of everything she has

done for me.

I think I'll spend the time when my husband is at work at my inlaws

home for the next couple of weeks.

I'm proud of myself for staying calm, and keeping it together on the

phone with her. I'm scared to death of what she is going to do next.