Re: (no subject)--happyout

[Guest guest]

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Honoria,

Thank you for both of these posts. Thank you for validating that we

have to take care of ourselves, and that we really can't worry about

the nadas trashing us to everyone. I think we all need to hear

that. And you are right, they are survivors. They will find other

people. As inspired by Annie, I will vow to make sure my mother's

basic needs are met as she gets more elderly and infirm, but I will

not be the caregiver, will not be abused, and may have to go NC at

some point for my own mental health. We have to know our limits in

dealing with these people and the toll it takes on us. We have been

thru enough.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , Honoria Glossop

wrote:

>

> happyout wrote:

>

> >>Ive just had my first panic attack in 2 months.  Ive noticed now

that

> since Monday Ive been visiting my nada in hospital and since then

Ive

> started eating junk food, havnet been exercising, looking after

> myself etc.  I try inside and outside to pretend that I can cope

with

> my nada and my NPD father and sister - but I have to admit now that

> Im not able and being around them is severely damaging my health

and

> my entire life. <<

>  

> My father was diagnosed with cancer late Dec 2007, and died May

2008.  During those 6 months I saw him only 2 times, because I

couldn't handle seeing my mother.  I discovered that it took a whole

week to recover from the 3 hour drive there and back, and the 4 hours

max spent with them.  I felt physically exhausted, like I had

pneumonia.  Both times it happened that way. So when the call came

from my mother that he wouldn't make it past that weekend, I didn't

go.  I'd already said goodbye 2 months previous, and wasn't about to

be sucked into any drama that his death might bring on. I HAD to take

care of myself--tht was non-optional.

> I didn't go to his burial, but I did go to the funeral.  I had

panic attacks leading up to the hour of the service, but managed to

get through it safely, with many " bodyguards " around me.

> Yes, my mother has been trashing me for only seeing him 2 times,

but I can't help that.  I'm healthier, with fewer bad memories of her

(and him) because I saw him only twice.

> It's okay to protect yourself by limiting contact.  Don't visit in

the hospital unless YOU really want to. Don't do it out of fear,

obligation or guilt.

>  

> Honoria

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