There is hope

[Guest guest]

It's been about a year and a half since I cut off communication with

NADA. Since then she's sent a scant handfull of e-mails that I route

to a separate folder that I can read when I feel 'braced.' Nothing of

note has happened in the e-mails, but I always read them in case

someone died or something.

I feel *SO MUCH BETTER* than I did two years ago. my relationship with

my husband has improved because I no longer have someone who's lacing

their conversations with subtext, so I'm not looking for it with him.

(it's not there). I have a much lower threshold for bulls**t, and the

crazy friends that were less crazy that NADA but still not healthy are

far onto the back burner. I'm feeling more confident, and every day

feel a little more grounded and comfortable with who I am.

I even notice my pain tolerance is lower since I'm not stressed to the

max and in pain all the time. I think I'm slowly getting closer to

normal. Heck, even my fertility cycles are more regular now than

they've ever been. A month ago, I finally figured out that I was

still afraid that she would be a pain if I had kids (she has this

thing about not letting kids see their grandparents being 'child

abuse'), and got comfortable with the notion that I could tell her to

piss off and call the cops if she didn't.

I feel loved, I feel comfortable, I feel confident, like the world is

finally somewhere fun to be.

I'm still getting over some things, and there are parts of my life

that will never be perfect, but I don't have nearly as many dreams

about being chased by something that wants to catch me and let me go

to chase me again, or that I'm in an out of control car with broken

brakes. And that's a huge improvement.

So, if you're feeling like your NADA has ruined your life forever or

that there's no end in sight....she hasn't, and there is. I promise.

Delta