Re: Detach With Love

[Guest guest]

Hey hun, give yourself some time to develop these techniques, they do

take time and honestly stop being so hard on yourself :-) !!! (easier

said than done I know)

Try using this book (although I haven't even read it) as a guideline

that you can pick up when you need it and just take time to absorb the

material.

I know you want to better yourself in an instant, I think a part of us

all do, it just honestly takes time, and unfortunately in that time

the nadas will intercept and f*** things up for us.

What I try is this, take it for what it is, if nada sends you a card

and letter that makes no sense dependant upon what you've recently

sent her, take it as her illness blacking out what you have sent her.

Shes probably upset and has blocked it out (dissociating as I've read

is the term I think) therefore her way of dealing with it is to act

like nothings happened to reel you back in.

In your previous post you said you wanted childhood pics back from

her, you could - if you want to take the manipulation tactic I

mentioned (and again its TOTALLY up to you on how you deal with this)

you could use her dissociation as a ladder to climb back up and get

what you need?

I'm not sure how to help you again. All I can do is suggest what I

have done. Even though our nadas have the same illness, they are all

different as people and so are we. Only you can do what you feel is

right for you and your family.

Best wishes and keep well

Ange

x

PS: I have just flicked over the chapter of overcoming anger and

resentment in Surviving a borderline parent, and it rings true. Good

techniques to use there when you get a chance (or if I get a

chance...with the kids over the holidays!!! :-)

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> In my SWOE workbook, there's a chapter called 'detach with love'. 

An exercise rather.  I realized I'm not doing that.  I'm furious ...

angry ... hurt and depressed. 

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> Today nada sent a Xmas card - another completely delusional letter

inside it behaving as if nothing bad has ever happened.  She acts as

if life is fine, and that we're getting along like normal.  I don't

think she gets it - that I'm serious this time about not being reeled

back in and have my head bitten off.  And the fact that she's ignoring

everything or anything I've said over the past year and my email just

leave me sitting here in a state of disbelief and self-loathing.  I

don't understand why I feel this way.

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> Why am I so angry with myself and hurt and feeling like a pile of

debris?  I know I'm hurt she doesn't even acknowledge the fact that

she's been a complete b*tch.  An unfeeling, abusive, evil person. 

This creature is the womb I rented to get to this earth - and

apparently nothing more.  She has made it a point to tell me since I

was 19 or so that when I was 6 weeks old she knew having me was a

wasted effort - an effort to reel in my father and make him a family

man, force him to settle down.  Once that failed it was like 'sh*t,

well, may as well just raise the thing.'

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> Detach with love my ass ... sorry for the cussing.

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