Re: SLarsen---> Re: Letter to Nada - Please advise ... thanks

[Guest guest]

Oh, -- I so feel for what you're going through right now!!

I'll be very honest and tell you that, once I found out about BPD, my tolerance

for my nada's insanity just got progressively lower until NC was inevitable. I

could not un-ring that bell. It was not a hard choice for me to make. Once I

realized she was mentally ill, and specifically had BPD, everything was changed

between us forever, whether I was in contact with her or not.

I'll tell you this: my nada is in total denial about her illness. Nothing I

said to her changed that. When I told her the truth about her having BPD, she

thought I was insane. My entire family is in denial about it, too. The one

other family member I've told about BPD also thinks I'm crazy now for saying

such a thing.

So, yeah -- in a way I felt defeated because I didn't convince her or anyone

else of what I knew to be the truth. I also became ostracized from my family as

a result of it, which has been hard on my son.

What I went through in the months following my going NC was EXACTLY the same

grieving process I experienced when my step-mother died. It was IDENTICAL to

the actual death of a parental figure. It really was a grieving process,

because my nada really IS dead to me now! (The hopes of ever having a real

mother are dead, too, and that's where the sadness came from.)

So, it was rough. I had a few very emotional months, felt abandoned, orphaned,

alone -- lots of crying for no reason, stuff like that. But now.... I AM SO

GRATEFUL THAT WITCH IS OUT OF MY LIFE!! Seriously, I'm so much happier without

her. She's really gone -- after a lifetime of insanity and abuse! I am FREE

-- and my son is FREE -- and no one is EVER going to treat me like that, ever

again!

Little by little, my self-esteem is coming back. I'm seeing things less through

nada's vile, distorted point of view and more MY OWN point of view. It's a slow

process -- I'm 46 and have had many years of brain-washing to always see myself

and everything I say and do in the worst possible way.... but with NC, that

fades.

So, I wish this same peace for you, starting in 2009! It's a new year -- going

NC is tough at first, but SO SO worth it for the rest of your life!! And it's

better for your kids, too.

Keep posting, we're all here for you!

Best, S

Re: Letter to Nada - Please advise

> ... thanks

> To: WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com

>

> > Your letter sounds like one that all of us wish we could send

> > and

> > wish would lead to real change on behalf of the nada.

> > Unfortunately,

> > it's probably a waste of ink (or pixels?). Part of BPD is

> > complete

> > inability to acknowledge that anything is fundamentally wrong

> > with

> > them. Therefore, if you're pointing out something that's wrong

> > with

> > them, there must be something wrong with you (in the mind of

> the

> > BPD). Letters like this get turned around on you almost

> > instantaneously. But they are sometimes cathartic to write,

> > even if

> > they never see the light of day.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > I've been NC for about a year and Nada won't stop calling. I

> > was

> > really upset today about it and felt ... well very frustrated.

> > She

> > has total amnesia of what has happened over the last year or

> > when she

> > last had me and the children for Xmas. Last year was hell and

> I

> > refuse to let her ruin my holidays this year.

> > >

> > > So I wrote her a letter. I'm posting it below. I'm kind of

> > looking for some feedback. I know I haven't given this list a

> > real

> > detailed intro to my issues, but I see so many in common with

> > several

> > posts, I just don't want to bore anyone. Ugh ... I know I'm

> not

> > as

> > strong right now as I normally am, so please bear with me.

> > >

> > > I feel like I've weakened my defenses a little bit by

> sending

> > an

> > email. But I felt if I didn't - I don't know I'm just so

> > angry. Let

> > me know your thoughts about the email if you have the time.

> > Thanks

> > in advance. -

> > > ============ ======

> > >

> > > Obviously, given the pictures you sent, you know precisely

> > what

> > pictures I'm looking for and why. I would appreciate it if you

> > would

> > send them on. Pictures of me and my father, or his family,

> have

> > no

> > place taking up dust in your house. Please send them where

> they

> > belong. I have asked this before, starting a year ago and as I

> > said,

> > it's obvious you know exactly what I'm referring to.

> > >

> > > I believe you suffer from a condition called Borderline

> > Personality

> > Disorder. Both of my prior therapists have surmised the same.

> > Take

> > this any you wish, the bottom line is that something has been

> > wrong

> > for a long time and I finally know it's not me. I have worked

> > through many issues, but I am not a BPD. That much is very

> > clear.

> > Your mother is a classic BPD and as evidenced by your recent

> > amnesia

> > of the past year (among many other things) so are you.

> > >

> > > The only way I am willing to have any contact with you

> beyond

> > this

> > email is IF you get into therapy with a therapist who is not

> > someone

> > who just says what you want to hear. You need help. If you

> > come to

> > terms with the fact that you are much a problem in this

> > situation as

> > any other issue, then we may have a place to begin. IF you

> > enter

> > therapy and explore the conditions of BPD for yourself, I will

> > permit

> > limited contact with myself. The rest of my family is off

> > limits

> > until progress is made.

> > >

> > > These are the terms and they are not negotiable. If you are

> > not

> > willing to get help, then we have no reason to be in contact.

> > As far

> > as I'm concerned you have passed away. You are not a mother in

> > this

> > condition, not a friend, not anything but a chronic negative

> > influence that seeks to reel me in and then bite nastily. It's

> > a

> > trait of BPD and you do it repeatedly.

> > >

> > > Please do not call the cell phones. No one is going to

> answer

> > the

> > calls. If you wish to respond via email, you'll have to go

> > through

> > Landon as all emails to me are blocked.

> > >

> > > Just so we are clear. You get into therapy to deal with your

> > BPD,

> > based on your progress I may choose to reinitiate contact with

> > strict

> > boundaries until progress is made.

> > >

> > > Mandt

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

,

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her.

It's not you. It's her. (x 300)

Bridget

" Be the change you want to see in the world. " -Mahatma Gandhi