Re: responsibility for other's feelings....

[Guest guest]

I do spend a fair amount of time compensating for other's feelings.

I don't think that it is healthy, though. In my opinion, if your bf

doesn't want to go, he should just tell you that and not go. If he

says he'll go, but then is a PITA then that is his deal. He needed

to be honest with you from the beginning that he didn't want to go.

Chances are, though, that he may want to go to be with you and

support you, in which case you shouldn't feel the need to compensate

for how he feels. It's so hard, though. It's hard to not compensate

or try to make it better for other people. Really, truly you aren't

responsible for how anyone else feels. Everyone has to take

responsibility for self, no doubt about it. Even when it is very

difficult.

>

> My cousin's (by marriage) mom died last night. The funeral is

Friday

> morning (we are Jewish, these things happen fast). The funeral is 1

> hour away and then we will be travelling another hour further to go

> back to her house. It is going to be a long day with a lot of

> driving.

>

> Do I ask my bf to go with me? I'm afraid he will either say no or

be

> a complete PITA... (not that he's ever been like that before - and

HE

> will go visit my parents whenever I want...) or I will spend the

> entire time worrying that I've made him do something that he won't

> want to do and overcompensating and not able to concentrate on the

> reason I am there.

>

> Does anyone else spend time overcompensating with a close

friend/loved

> one that has nothing to do with the BPD home they grew up in? Any

> coping advice?

>

>

>

>

> Shari

>