Yet again...

[Guest guest]

so i've noticed a few posts on here talking about long term

relationships etc. i am 28 and the longest relationship i have been

in was about 6 months... i tend to avoid dating and when i do find

somebody i " connect " with i jump in head first. i'm never the one

breaking up always the one being broken up with. i also tend to get

involved with people that are not fully over the exes... if somebody

could tell me why.. i would love to know! anyhoo my reason for

posting now is yet another short term relationship ended recently and

i feel consumed by it. the woman i was dating for sure had her own

issues, but i'm having a hard time distinguishing her issues from my

own. i tried my best not to be suffocating, things were really laid

back, easy, and fun until she suddenly distanced herself from me,

which according to her friends she has a history of " shutting down " ,

i just don't get it.. how she was the one talking about a future and

saying how happy she was and then suddenly she wasn't.. using her own

depression, issues with the ex as an excuse. so aside from that being

really crappy i feel like i now have my own issues, fear of

abandonment, depression, etc. that are coming up. it just makes me

feel like i'm not capable of truly trusting and being connected with

somebody. i want to try and be friends with this woman but i'm having

a really hard time with it.. and to top it off my nada has been

trying to get in touch with me, whom i haven't spoken with in about 6

months. it's like somehow she knows when i'm in a vulnerable place!!

i felt such a relief when i cut her off this past summer, like a

weight lifted. i was taking care of myself, feeling happy, found

somebody i thought i could connect with and be with.. and then all of

a sudden it feels like that all went away... and i'm lost again! i

just feel like i'm watching everybody else live their lives and i'm

completely stuck. i just don't feel like myself. it's like i know all

the reasons why i'm feeling the way i do and having the negative

thoughts that i am, but i can't stop myself from feeling that way!

i've been in therapy before but stopped going when i felt like the

therapist wasn't a good fit for me... i now know i need to go back.i

just want to cry on my couch :-( i guess i just felt the need to get

everything out in a space where other people (hopefully)understand.