Bravo to Hix: SF CHONICLE: So what if your cups don't runneth over?

[Guest guest]

Note from Ilena: Was pretty amazed Dr. 90210 admitted that saline implants " grow algae. "

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/08/13/LVG45KDFRQ1.DTL

SILICONE VALLEY So what if your cups don't runneth over?

Hix, Special to The Chronicle

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Flipping through car radio stations on the way to 12 Galaxies, I hit a program espousing the wonders of breast implants.

After a few minutes, I ascertained it was " LoveLine " minus Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla. The voices belonged to KROQ personality Stryker and Dr. Rey, a.k.a. " Dr. 90210 " from TV's E! Right away, Rey started sketching me out, talking about how he prefers silicone implants, going on about how safe they are and how realistic they feel.

Yeah, tell that to my aunt who had a silicone implant rupture. He continued that saline implants get bubbles and grow algae

.. Ew, ew, ew! Hey, hold on: I have a thought. Maybe it's because you're not supposed to put foreign substances in your breasts.

Rey creeped me out with his warm, charming, gregarious tone. Since I don't watch his show, I had no idea whether he is also young and handsome. But it was obvious that he uses his bedside manner to make women trust him. I know some plastic surgeons help burn victims, cancer patients and people with genetic deformities, but selling surgery to healthy people, that's another matter. When doctors, among the most trusted people in our culture, become beauticians, subjective opinion sounds like gospel.

The young women who called " LoveLine " this night had the quavering, insecure voices of women who have lost their power. The first, an 18-year-old, told Rey she was an A cup but wanted to become a larger B. Her family told her to hold off to see if she grows, however.

Rey's response? " Actually, by 18 or 19, your breasts are more or less done growing. So you're fine for surgery. If you look at your mom and dad's sides of the family, and you see no breasts, you're not likely to grow any. Young men are often cruel, and so are young women. Now that breast implants are so safe, why not? "

Why not? Let me count his misleading ways. First, let's talk about safety. It's totally safe, if you consider the risks of hematoma, infection, deformity and toxic shock syndrome no biggies. Not to mention the general risks of anesthesia, the possibility of losing sensation, potentially impaired breast-feeding or the chance of not having breast cancer detected. We won't bring up the 123 FDA-recorded cases of breast-implant-surgery-related deaths. This is surgery, for crying out loud, not buying a sweater.

Second, perhaps her family was referring to mental growth. One would hope she'll go to college, learn how to accept herself, take a women's studies class. It's her mind that still has growing up to do, not her boobs. Third, when people tease you, does that mean you should alter yourself to fit their standards? What about learning to stand up for yourself and deal with adversity? It's this concept called character building.

Last, but not least, I have to rebut this poisonous idea that wearing an A-cup bra is the equivalent of having no breasts.

This attempt at defeminization makes me so angry I want to spit nails. Small breasts are still breasts and deserve to be regarded as such. This girl is not lacking; she does not have a problem to be fixed.

Oh, oh, oh, then Rey oozed, " You've picked a pretty size, but it's not the size of choice in L.A. " and gently mocked her for being so provincial. He and Stryker talked about how models and actresses all have a C cup. What models were they talking about?

Caller No. 2, 24 years old, had already gone from an A to a C, and now she wants bigger. She complained that her C cups are " too round. They don't look real. " Gee, I wonder why. But she also asserted that one nipple has no sensation and the other hurts. Yet, for some reason, she doesn't want them out.

Rey blathered about the dangers of addiction to surgery and the different shapes of implants. He smarmed like the breast fairy godfather, " I could make you Miss Universe, so of course it's addicting. " But he never addressed the loss of sensation, which should convince most women that they never want to do this, ever. To me, one of the best parts about being a woman is having your breasts touched. They're not just there to stimulate men visually or make other women envious. They are for our pleasure, ladies! That's when they went to a commercial, and I pulled up at the club. I was fuming. If I had listened any longer, I would have called and yelled.

Then and there, I decided it's time to step up and defend the sisterhood of the A cup. Feminists put a lot of time and energy into fighting deadly eating disorders, and rightfully so. But I am going to battle this component of the Barbie machine: needless and dangerous surgery for women with perfectly fine breasts.

Let me tell you, you take some ego bruises when you're an A cup. Growing up, you get overlooked at junior high dances, boys call you names like railroad tracks, and girls who developed faster mock you.

Going to 's Secret also makes you feel as though you have no breasts, and it offers to provide some for you in the form of cotton pillows sewn into a bra that's lacy and transparent on the mannequin. Ego bruises, sure. Do we let these people defeat us?

You get it from the other side, too. If you happen to have a stick figure, as I did at 18, you're hated for being too thin. Nothing made me feel worse than being compared to a 10-year-old boy. Which is why it bothers me when feminists declare " Real women have curves, " as if hourglass va-va-voom voluptuaries have a corner on womanhood. Very often when you get older and heavier, these real curves aren't breasts at all. They're round bellies, thick thighs and full butts. Don't give me only Marilyn Monroe. I want Margaret Cho, Corin Tucker and Beth Ditto as my curvy heroines.

I'll admit it: I was beaten down. As a teenager, I was convinced that attractive, interesting guys would never want to sleep with me, and certainly not love me. I could have blown my college money on implants that sag today. But that would have been entirely wrong. Because -- and this is important -- I was buying into a lie. What I needed was a new way to think about myself, not a new body. And when my punk rock boyfriend told me I was too fat and too flat-chested for him, I had to subtract a boyfriend, not add more boobage.

Even in the celebrity world, where a woman's physical attractiveness is valued above all other things, some of the most stunning stars are among the unaltered A cup sisterhood: Keira Knightley, Debra Messing, Shirley Manson, Portman, Erykah Badu, Zhang Ziyi. Of course, they're all thin, too, and this celebrity fixation has spawned a culture of girls who want nothing but to become models. But the difference between the bland Barbie ideal that girl culture pushes and real-life sexuality needs to be addressed.

In my life, I have met all sorts of wonderful men (and women) who sing the praises of A cups. Human attraction is such a strange and delightful phenomenon and allows for wildly varying tastes. Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes; everyone was born with a unique body that gives you gifts through touching and sensation. There's nothing to fix. I don't know why our society is doing such a bad job teaching girls this. So the Reys of the world can get rich?

We A cups are often comforted in terms of a lack: You have fewer men ogling you, you have no need for a bra, you have nothing in the way of sports or sleeping on your belly. But I prefer to champion what we do have: awesome, wonderful, cute, real breasts, each pair a one-of-a-kind, nerve-ending-packed, toxin-free present from nature.

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