Sure hate to be right!

[Guest guest]

As a kid I loved my my Nada's siblings like crazy. However all of my

adult life they have had a lot of reservations about my sister and I

due to the fact that my Nada hasn't exactly always painted a pretty

picture of us. Over the years we have been said to be ungrateful,

daughters who are not nearly nice enough to our excellent mother who

did everything for us. (Could go in to the abuse, abandonment and

neglect issues which plagued my childhood with her, but it doesn't

quite go with this story.)

Anywho, over the past several years she has picked off her siblings

one at a time by doing such horrible things that they finally called

it a day and cut her out of their lives. (She has 9 brothers and

sisters, so she had a pretty long list of people to get through.)

However her youngest sister really thought she could fix the

situation. She is also the aunt that my sister and I still remained

close too. We live about 3 and a half hours away from this aunt, so

when my mom wanted to move close to her, we didn't argue. (Of course

we would happy to unload the old hag being the awful people that we

are....sigh.)

Over the last few years, prior to Nada's move, my Aunt had started

speaking to my sis and I with a slight edge. I was pretty sure that

she at least partially believed my Nada's accounts of our behavior

(although she had personally witnessed the contrary). However, you

know how manipulative those BP folks can be. My Nada lived next to

aunt aproximately five years. During that time we had limited

contact with both Nada and aunt. In August of this year, it all fell

apart and Nada moved close to me.

Even though things weren't their best between Nada and aunt, it was

still rolling along after her move here. However, all of a sudden

aunt was talking to sis and I alot more, and was quite aplogetic that

we have such a screwed up Nada.

Well the cork finally blew off the bottle between aunt and Nada the

other day and Aunt told Nada not to contact her anymore. While I do

feel a certain sense of vindication, my Aunt really just wanted to

help Nada. Aunt feels very badly that she was so horribly taken

advantage of for 5 years. Then to top it off Nada, who should be

grateful, makes wild accusations about Aunt's imaginary crimes.

The point of my story is that I am glad that everyone is finally at a

point of understanding what they are really dealing with, yet it

makes me soooo sad that they all had to be hurt in the process. Man

do the folks with BP leave a lot of casualties in their wake.

The thing is that this was the last rung on Nada's ladder. She has

no one else. I am a little nervous about what the future holds now.

My bet is that she will either have a nervous breakdown, or a suicide

(attempt?). Either way, she will be doing it alone because I just

can't handle the craziness. Just so sad...

[Guest guest]

>

well genuineginger your story IS familiar!

people really do just tire of all the abuse, hysterics, manipulation

and so on, and call it a day. my bpd mother has done the same with

her family, and either they call it quits or my mother does having

invented and twisted stories about them that have so little basis in

reality it defies all logic.

like you i am almost the last one left in her life. this put an

enormous amount of pressure on me and my family, and it is something

i resent. i do it because she is a great grandmother who adores her

grandkids, and i couldn't cut her out of their lives unless of course

they were being exposed to her terrors, which they aren't. i don't

want to teach my children by example that if relationships get

difficult you can just walk away, especially with family. mind you if

she started getting them involved in her insane shenanigans it would

be a different story!

my mother has gotten so much better over the years, i recall reading

that bpd's can really settle down as people start to age. here's

hoping. anyhow i make sure i protect myself as much as possible. i

manage our relationship within very confined parameters, and it has

evolved to being quite superficial but bearable. i still grapple with

many many issues with her but those explosions of temper and

accusations and threats and passionate outbursts have lessened. i

guess i am one of the luckier ones.

my sister has no contact, none of my mother's family speak to her nor

she them, and i sometimes get angry about this, but i guess it is my

choice. it's a no-win situation, and as i said i do it largely for my

children.

so ginger i am glad you can recognise the havoc your mother wreaks,

the trail of destruction she has left in her wake...even though your

mother will never realise or acknowledge it. always the victim, never

the perpetrator. and it IS sad - it is a waste of a life, of

potential love and life and laughter and happiness,. bpd's are their

own worst enemies (along with being enemies of a lot of other people!)

best of luck to you

i really liked your eloquent post

chhers

bernadette

> As a kid I loved my my Nada's siblings like crazy. However all of

my

> adult life they have had a lot of reservations about my sister and

I

> due to the fact that my Nada hasn't exactly always painted a pretty

> picture of us. Over the years we have been said to be ungrateful,

> daughters who are not nearly nice enough to our excellent mother

who

> did everything for us. (Could go in to the abuse, abandonment and

> neglect issues which plagued my childhood with her, but it doesn't

> quite go with this story.)

>

> Anywho, over the past several years she has picked off her siblings

> one at a time by doing such horrible things that they finally

called

> it a day and cut her out of their lives. (She has 9 brothers and

> sisters, so she had a pretty long list of people to get through.)

> However her youngest sister really thought she could fix the

> situation. She is also the aunt that my sister and I still

remained

> close too. We live about 3 and a half hours away from this aunt,

so

> when my mom wanted to move close to her, we didn't argue. (Of

course

> we would happy to unload the old hag being the awful people that we

> are....sigh.)

>

> Over the last few years, prior to Nada's move, my Aunt had started

> speaking to my sis and I with a slight edge. I was pretty sure

that

> she at least partially believed my Nada's accounts of our behavior

> (although she had personally witnessed the contrary). However, you

> know how manipulative those BP folks can be. My Nada lived next to

> aunt aproximately five years. During that time we had limited

> contact with both Nada and aunt. In August of this year, it all

fell

> apart and Nada moved close to me.

>

> Even though things weren't their best between Nada and aunt, it was

> still rolling along after her move here. However, all of a sudden

> aunt was talking to sis and I alot more, and was quite aplogetic

that

> we have such a screwed up Nada.

>

> Well the cork finally blew off the bottle between aunt and Nada the

> other day and Aunt told Nada not to contact her anymore. While I

do

> feel a certain sense of vindication, my Aunt really just wanted to

> help Nada. Aunt feels very badly that she was so horribly taken

> advantage of for 5 years. Then to top it off Nada, who should be

> grateful, makes wild accusations about Aunt's imaginary crimes.

>

> The point of my story is that I am glad that everyone is finally at

a

> point of understanding what they are really dealing with, yet it

> makes me soooo sad that they all had to be hurt in the process.

Man

> do the folks with BP leave a lot of casualties in their wake.

>

> The thing is that this was the last rung on Nada's ladder. She has

> no one else. I am a little nervous about what the future holds

now.

> My bet is that she will either have a nervous breakdown, or a

suicide

> (attempt?). Either way, she will be doing it alone because I just

> can't handle the craziness. Just so sad...

>