Can I vent?

[Guest guest]

I'm really angry right now.

I have been NC for 2.5 months. They keep calling but I either turn

off the machine or DH just deletes the messages. I knew they'd have

to strike at Christmas. Disrag left a message on DH's cell the other

day saying " call me, we all need to sit down and talk. " Let me

translate that: " I can't deal with her rages and screaming and I

really need my rotten/bad/evil daughter to continue to take her abuse

so that I can live in peace. "

My brother doesn't speak to me anymore, at their demand. I always

had a good relationship with my brother, he was very protective of me

growing up. He is grasping for family and totally thinks they are the

best thing since sliced bread. His wife, also tells them they are

perfect and I am the one with the problem (the gravy train works

wonders over there). Hey, I think it is great that he is over the

fact that he was physically beaten as a child and can pretend it

didn't happen, but I am hurt that he throws me under the bus.

Anyway, my aunt dropped presents off for my brother's kids and I have

presents for them too. I called him the other day to see when DH

could drop the presents off for them and he said over the weekend.

Then I got worried that if DH went there, they'd have nada and

dishrag stake him out. So I called my brother and asked him to swing

by here on his way home from work.

So today he comes. He walks into my house with lots of bags. I have

two kids. He said " I have a lot of stuff, I had to stop at other

houses " I said " who's houses? " He said Nada. I said " well you'll

need to take them back, we don't want them. " THen I turned to DH and

said matter-of-factly " or we could donate them to the shelter? " So

my brother said " okay, I'll take them back if you want me to, I was

just doing what they asked " And I said " well I don't know why you

would tell them you were coming over in the first place. " he said

something like she's been calling for days to find out when he's

coming by to drop his gifts/pick up for his kids. ARGH.

So he took them back. Now I sit here on eggshells (where else?) and

worry that they will show up here on Christmas Eve pounding on the

door when I have DH's family here. THey will make a scene, as usual.

I think I should have said " okay, thanks " aceepted them then on

Christmas eve night had DH leave them back on their steps. THey would

have stayed calm up until Christmas thinking they got us, they got

their gifts into our home and then all would be calm. THen I could

have made sure they knew no gifts would be received.

Why does this have to be so difficult? Why do I always have to think

my actions through like this? I called my aunt to vent, she is

really the only one who " gets " the level of sickness I am dealing

with. And only because she too has been the target. She simply

said " I don't know why they have to ruin your Christmas. "

I just want to cry. I haven't done that in a looong time. Maybe it

would make things feel better.

Vent over.