Guest guest Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 Strangely enough, mine is doing the same thing right now! Its so weird, isn't it! I had been in low contact already, but when Sister went No Contact I did too, in order for us to present a united front. I thought it was so odd that my nada did not even seem to notice! I too have not initiated any calls, and I waited several days before responding to the few she has made. Nada has made NO reference at all to the " problem " she is having with Sister. I guess nada is trying to pretend that none of this is happening. At this point, we are still waiting to see whether nada will come around and apologize to Sister, when she sees her later this week at my nephew's college graduation ceremony. In public. With other people around. (We feel that should she apologize, still, visiting nada alone is not a good idea any more.) -Annie > > I've tried to go LC with nada for past 3 months or so and i am feeling > very healthy about it. The thing is she doesnt really seem to notice. > She calls and leaves sweet messages on my answering machine asking to > speak to the kids. Right now i am not initiating any contact, just > returning phone calls. These messsages make me so upset though. I > dont know whether to keep returning them or not. I dont think i'm > ready to break all contact. I dont want to deny her access to her > grandkids and vice versa. I dont know how to get over the guilt of not > talking to her. For a while I was so worried wondering what was I > going to answer when she asked why I dont call anymore. Now I wonder > why she doesnt notice. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm confused and > although therapy has gotten me to an excellent place, I feel like I'm > standing on a cliff and I dont know whether to jump or not. > Thanks for reading > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 If you're returning her calls, she may not even have noticed that you aren't initiating contact. She may be too wrapped up in herself to notice that you aren't choosing to call her when she doesn't call first. BPD makes people see everything as being about them and that can make them oblivious to the way other people react to them. Or it can do the opposite and make them hyper-reactive to how other people react. Regarding whether you should break all contact or not, you should weigh the amount of trouble and grief caused by being in contact with her against the good that you think comes from staying in contact with her. Does being in contact with her leave you feeling stressed, upset, angry or hurt? Do these feelings affect the rest of your daily life and how you relate to other people? Does seeing her cause problems for your kids? Do the things she says and does cause strife between you and your partner or you and your kids? If any of these things are true for you, what are you gaining from staying in contact with her? Do you have to see her to see other family members you care about? Do your kids have a healthy relationship with her? Does she have some sort of hold over you, financial or otherwise? Personally, I find it easier to deal with having some contact with my nada than avoiding her altogether. I keep that contact on my own terms though, not hers. If I was in a situation where I could arrange it so that she didn't know where I lived or know my phone number, it would be a different story. (I'm self-employed and I advertise my business, so there's no hiding.) You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself and your family from someone who is mentally ill. Your first priority as a mother is to take care of yourself, your partner if you have one, and your kids. (Taking care of yourself is not being selfish. It is necessary in order for you to be a good mother.) You didn't cause her to be mentally ill and you can't change the fact that she is the way she is. It is not your fault. If there is no fault, then there is no reason for guilt. Tell yourself this repeatedly until you believe it. At 02:06 PM 12/09/2008 esti_cohen wrote: >I've tried to go LC with nada for past 3 months or so and i am >feeling >very healthy about it. The thing is she doesnt really seem to >notice. >She calls and leaves sweet messages on my answering machine >asking to >speak to the kids. Right now i am not initiating any contact, >just >returning phone calls. These messsages make me so upset >though. I >dont know whether to keep returning them or not. I dont think >i'm >ready to break all contact. I dont want to deny her access to >her >grandkids and vice versa. I dont know how to get over the >guilt of not >talking to her. For a while I was so worried wondering what >was I >going to answer when she asked why I dont call anymore. Now I >wonder >why she doesnt notice. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm >confused and >although therapy has gotten me to an excellent place, I feel >like I'm >standing on a cliff and I dont know whether to jump or not. >Thanks for reading -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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