Re: Brigite, you sound beautiful!

[Guest guest]

HI Brigite, You don't have to apologize for long posts, dear one! That is why we are here, and I love to hear from you. I think those posts where we let go of our thoughts and feelings are the most enjoyable (and sometimes sad, though) to read...you are letting us see you from the inside. You sound like you are really beautiful on the outside, and I know that there is a sweet, tenderhearted beautiful person inside that skin of yours, too! I wish I could do or say something to you that would help you in your current mindframe...but I know you are a smart woman too, and you know what you are doing. But the one thing I do want to say to you is to not believe any lies that you may be hearing in your head, whether coming from other people or your own thoughts....lies like you are not attractive now, or that your worth is any less now, or any such nonsense about what others may think.

Those ideas are not consistent with the truth. And the truth is that you are a gorgeous, beautiful woman in God's eyes. He is enthralled with you, that I know for sure! And His thoughts toward you are all that count. They are all that matter. He loves you tenderly, dearly, completely, and uniquely. You see, it is man that focuses on outward appearances. True beauty focuses on the heart. When we keep these things in perspective, there are millions of truly beautiful people in this world, and most of them do not have anything to do with Hollywood standards at all. All of us want to be beautiful, and to feel beautiful. That's just the nature of women. I think most of us would admit in our deeper, most innermost self, that we love the romance associated with a beautiful relationship. But we all--men and women both

equally--seek beauty in our lives, and this take lots of different forms. I am not just talking outward beauty. Humans love and long for beauty in all forms in our experiences on earth. The point that I am so laboriously trying to make is that beauty is a deep thing, and so many have stopped at the shallow end of it. When we understand beauty in all its forms, we understand that we are each and every one a beautiful person. There is no room for us to feel unlovely when we understand how God sees us. You are beautiful to Him no matter what others think. So healing must begin at this level. It doesn't matter what you look like now. What matters is the state of your heart, the state of your relationship with God, and the health of your outlook at yourself. You must find the courage to recognize your value and worth to God and live according to that

truth. Don't let your family, or anyone else make you feel less than you are. To God, you are priceless....so valuable that He gave His son to die for you in the hopes that you would return to God's fold. I am not trying to preach...so please don't be offended. It's just that this is a truth about your soul that cannot be denied. You have value and it does not matter what you look like. It all lies in the soul. The outward appearance is just icing on the cake. I hope this helps bring a sense of comfort and hope and peace....I just wanted to say these things because your letter just made me feel like there was a deep need crying out...and I just know there are thousands of people who are feeling the same things, and it is all a lost feeling of defeat. But you just don't have to live in defeat, no matter how bad things appear to be. Because there is hope, there really is

hope and you can't let the truth get away from you... Sending Hugs, Patty KissofSadness@... wrote: Speaking for myself, This has been suggested to me by my friends, as well as talk shows, but I have

social phobia from several contributing factors. Mostly from the way what I look like has changed so much from gaining 100 pounds and being sick and not being able to take care of myself how I used to... then when people who used to know me see me, they laugh or act stunned and make snide remarks about "What happened to you? Are you pregnant? You used to be so tiny --- what happened? OMG you look different!" or they just point and snicker all together. This has happened so many times in public that I won't go to stores or any place during peak hours. My husband's friends (and co workers) have done this to me, so I'm always terrified for people he works with to show up here. His boss used to insist he was having an affair on me when he would see us out together and he would call him immediately and my hubby would be saying "No, I swear, it's Brigite with me." (Over and over.) I've had friends I hadn't seen in a while contact me to tell me he was cheating on me ---when

they saw him out with me. I mean, I literally can't say it enough... I looked a lot like Pam before this. People swore I had cosmetic surgery to look like her. Every where I went, people came running up (every day, literally, any time I left my house) saying how much I looked like her, or we'd be having dinner and in the course of dinner several people would stop at our table making comments about that. Men have came up to hubby before (who didn't know him) and said "Your girlfriend (wife) is the most beautiful women I've ever seen." We couldn't go to bars when we were younger, because drunk men were always hitting on me with him right there. And I'm not saying I was so great, but I'm just saying how different it is now. I used to have agents come up to me. Modeling offers, porn offers (mostly porn offers ). My sister was a feature exotic dancer (and

lingerie model) who traveled as the "main show," she did 1 video years ago, and I've had umpteen of her affiliates beg me to do it (which I wouldn't, but it was flattering). My other sister was a $3,000/hour high class celebrity call girl, and also a ring girl for big boxing events. She always tried to get me into that, but that isn't me. (I had brains to make money with, fortunately.) We went to the Cincinnati Zoo a lot, and a guy there told us the men were telling each other where I was in the Zoo on radio because they thought I was a Playmate. Everyone told me I should try to get in Playboy... I'm not saying this to brag, because I NEVER felt that attractive. I'm saying all this because now 100 pounds later, and looking tired and sick (more like Roseanne), and with my hair all grown out natural ---I look like 2 different people. That person is NO WHERE to be found,

and people treat me differently now. Granted, I love being able to walk outside and go places and not have people run up to me ---because that alone sparked social phobic tendencies because I hate attention, so I was always prone to social phobia and after getting implants the anxiety became unbearable. But now, the social phobia is all about fearing running into people I know. The few times I've been out of state, I could go just about any where, any time with no fears. Here, it's very hard. I go to great lengths to avoid people. Even my own parents give me a hard time about what I look like now. They treat me *VERY* differently. They even treat me differently based on whether or not I have makeup on, or if I'm dressed in sweats or nice clothing. Once people know you have the ability to look the way they think is most appealing, they will give you heck when you change. People expect you to look virtually "perfect" like you aren't allowed to gain weight, or age ---like

you're not human. Especially when they compare you to a celebrity who has millions of dollars at her disposal to look perpetually 25... they expect you to be the same way. (They also want to TREAT you how they would treat that person, but that's another story for another time! lol) Also take into account that in WV, the people aren't nearly as beautiful as places like California and Florida ---where I swear the drinking water makes genetic enhancements! lol j/k Not to stray from the subject, but the sad thing is that I had such a distorted image of myself that I thought I was hideous all those years. I own maybe 10 pictures of myself, total, from the age of adulthood. I have a handful from my childhood, but once I developed anorexia as a teen --- pictures were haunting. It's

just been a vicious cycle for me to be "looked at." So, this is why tv is out. The other reason, which is much smaller, is because when my sister was killed I called and went off on every news center here and sent hate mail to them for the way they handled her case. They released that a body had been found before we were even informed. Then, as we were JUST finding out she was killed (didn't even know how or the details yet), they were telling the "hows" and about her being put in a garbage bag for days, and being wrapped up in a rug, etc... things we hadn't even been told. All we got was a phone call from a cop who said she was found dead (after been missing a few days), and that someone would be contacting us. He was planning to come to my parent's house to share more, but the news beat him to everything else. It is a great idea, though,

and I wish I could do it. If I had more "before" pictures of myself, I'd make a perfect case of how sick these have made me. Brig PS: I'm sorry to make my posts so long... It's like sometimes I start venting, and it feels good, and my fingers fly. There's no one in my life who I can talk to. My husband doesn't talk to me, and he's about the only person I ever see aside from my parents.

Get your email and more, right on the new .com

[Guest guest]

Awesome letter Patty, it really touched me deeply. I think I will print it for reference. ) This seems such a lonely road at times, it is so encouraging to know that we, as implant survivors, are so not alone in our struggles. Your compassion is priceless.

Thanks so much for sharing,

julie

~ married to DH Mark, and sharing the lives of nine busy children. <3 <3

Re: Brigite, you sound beautiful!

HI Brigite,

You don't have to apologize for long posts, dear one! That is why we are here, and I love to hear from you. I think those posts where we let go of our thoughts and feelings are the most enjoyable (and sometimes sad, though) to read...you are letting us see you from the inside.

You sound like you are really beautiful on the outside, and I know that there is a sweet, tenderhearted beautiful person inside that skin of yours, too! I wish I could do or say something to you that would help you in your current mindframe...but I know you are a smart woman too, and you know what you are doing. But the one thing I do want to say to you is to not believe any lies that you may be hearing in your head, whether coming from other people or your own thoughts....lies like you are not attractive now, or that your worth is any less now, or any such nonsense about what others may think. Those ideas are not consistent with the truth. And the truth is that you are a gorgeous, beautiful woman in God's eyes. He is enthralled with you, that I know for sure! And His thoughts toward you are all that count. They are all that matter. He loves you tenderly, dearly, completely, and uniquely.

You see, it is man that focuses on outward appearances. True beauty focuses on the heart. When we keep these things in perspective, there are millions of truly beautiful people in this world, and most of them do not have anything to do with Hollywood standards at all.

All of us want to be beautiful, and to feel beautiful. That's just the nature of women. I think most of us would admit in our deeper, most innermost self, that we love the romance associated with a beautiful relationship. But we all--men and women both equally--seek beauty in our lives, and this take lots of different forms. I am not just talking outward beauty. Humans love and long for beauty in all forms in our experiences on earth.

The point that I am so laboriously trying to make is that beauty is a deep thing, and so many have stopped at the shallow end of it. When we understand beauty in all its forms, we understand that we are each and every one a beautiful person. There is no room for us to feel unlovely when we understand how God sees us. You are beautiful to Him no matter what others think. So healing must begin at this level. It doesn't matter what you look like now. What matters is the state of your heart, the state of your relationship with God, and the health of your outlook at yourself.

You must find the courage to recognize your value and worth to God and live according to that truth. Don't let your family, or anyone else make you feel less than you are. To God, you are priceless....so valuable that He gave His son to die for you in the hopes that you would return to God's fold. I am not trying to preach...so please don't be offended. It's just that this is a truth about your soul that cannot be denied. You have value and it does not matter what you look like. It all lies in the soul. The outward appearance is just icing on the cake.

I hope this helps bring a sense of comfort and hope and peace....I just wanted to say these things because your letter just made me feel like there was a deep need crying out...and I just know there are thousands of people who are feeling the same things, and it is all a lost feeling of defeat. But you just don't have to live in defeat, no matter how bad things appear to be. Because there is hope, there really is hope and you can't let the truth get away from you...

Sending Hugs,

Patty

KissofSadnessaol wrote:

Speaking for myself,

This has been suggested to me by my friends, as well as talk shows, but I have social phobia from several contributing factors. Mostly from the way what I look like has changed so much from gaining 100 pounds and being sick and not being able to take care of myself how I used to... then when people who used to know me see me, they laugh or act stunned and make snide remarks about "What happened to you? Are you pregnant? You used to be so tiny --- what happened? OMG you look different!" or they just point and snicker all together. This has happened so many times in public that I won't go to stores or any place during peak hours. My husband's friends (and co workers) have done this to me, so I'm always terrified for people he works with to show up here. His boss used to insist he was having an affair on me when he would see us out together and he would call him immediately and my hubby would be saying "No, I swear, it's Brigite with me." (Over and over.) I've had friends I hadn't seen in a while contact me to tell me he was cheating on me ---when they saw him out with me. I mean, I literally can't say it enough... I looked a lot like Pam before this. People swore I had cosmetic surgery to look like her. Every where I went, people came running up (every day, literally, any time I left my house) saying how much I looked like her, or we'd be having dinner and in the course of dinner several people would stop at our table making comments about that. Men have came up to hubby before (who didn't know him) and said "Your girlfriend (wife) is the most beautiful women I've ever seen." We couldn't go to bars when we were younger, because drunk men were always hitting on me with him right there.

And I'm not saying I was so great, but I'm just saying how different it is now. I used to have agents come up to me. Modeling offers, porn offers (mostly porn offers ). My sister was a feature exotic dancer (and lingerie model) who traveled as the "main show," she did 1 video years ago, and I've had umpteen of her affiliates beg me to do it (which I wouldn't, but it was flattering). My other sister was a $3,000/hour high class celebrity call girl, and also a ring girl for big boxing events. She always tried to get me into that, but that isn't me. (I had brains to make money with, fortunately.)

We went to the Cincinnati Zoo a lot, and a guy there told us the men were telling each other where I was in the Zoo on radio because they thought I was a Playmate. Everyone told me I should try to get in Playboy... I'm not saying this to brag, because I NEVER felt that attractive. I'm saying all this because now 100 pounds later, and looking tired and sick (more like Roseanne), and with my hair all grown out natural ---I look like 2 different people. That person is NO WHERE to be found, and people treat me differently now. Granted, I love being able to walk outside and go places and not have people run up to me ---because that alone sparked social phobic tendencies because I hate attention, so I was always prone to social phobia and after getting implants the anxiety became unbearable. But now, the social phobia is all about fearing running into people I know. The few times I've been out of state, I could go just about any where, any time with no fears. Here, it's very hard. I go to great lengths to avoid people. Even my own parents give me a hard time about what I look like now. They treat me *VERY* differently. They even treat me differently based on whether or not I have makeup on, or if I'm dressed in sweats or nice clothing. Once people know you have the ability to look the way they think is most appealing, they will give you heck when you change. People expect you to look virtually "perfect" like you aren't allowed to gain weight, or age ---like you're not human. Especially when they compare you to a celebrity who has millions of dollars at her disposal to look perpetually 25... they expect you to be the same way. (They also want to TREAT you how they would treat that person, but that's another story for another time! lol)

Also take into account that in WV, the people aren't nearly as beautiful as places like California and Florida ---where I swear the drinking water makes genetic enhancements! lol j/k

Not to stray from the subject, but the sad thing is that I had such a distorted image of myself that I thought I was hideous all those years. I own maybe 10 pictures of myself, total, from the age of adulthood. I have a handful from my childhood, but once I developed anorexia as a teen --- pictures were haunting.

It's just been a vicious cycle for me to be "looked at." So, this is why tv is out.

The other reason, which is much smaller, is because when my sister was killed I called and went off on every news center here and sent hate mail to them for the way they handled her case. They released that a body had been found before we were even informed. Then, as we were JUST finding out she was killed (didn't even know how or the details yet), they were telling the "hows" and about her being put in a garbage bag for days, and being wrapped up in a rug, etc... things we hadn't even been told. All we got was a phone call from a cop who said she was found dead (after been missing a few days), and that someone would be contacting us. He was planning to come to my parent's house to share more, but the news beat him to everything else.

It is a great idea, though, and I wish I could do it. If I had more "before" pictures of myself, I'd make a perfect case of how sick these have made me.

Brig

PS: I'm sorry to make my posts so long... It's like sometimes I start venting, and it feels good, and my fingers fly. There's no one in my life who I can talk to. My husband doesn't talk to me, and he's about the only person I ever see aside from my parents.

Get your email and more, right on the new .com