Re: Back after a long break...

[Guest guest]

Not exactly, but my nada felt like she had the right to observe and

examine and handle any part of my body like I had no right to personal

privacy, and I had to submit to it and listen as she would comment

negatively on every flaw. She made me feel so ashamed of my

appearance and my lack of perfection, in her eyes.

The behavior you're describing is even more creepy and abusive.

I'm so sorry you had to endure that.

-Annie

>

> So I was away from this board for several months. Infact, I couldn't

> remember my login info so I had to create a new account.

>

> I'm going to jump right in...are there any women on the board who had

> expereice with thier mothers behaving in a sexual manner towards them?

> What I am referring to specifically is inappropriate touching,

> fondeling, groping and also mothers who exposed themselfs in sexual

> ways to thier FEMALE children. This is really hard for me to write but

> something happened over christmas that has made me have to face this...

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I hope you find

peace of mind. This stuff is pretty tough to think and write about,

but maybe it will help somebody. I posted some of this stuff several

months back when this issue was raised (though my login name has since

changed - call me crazy, I'm always paranoid), so I'm sorry if some of

you guys have had the displeasure of reading this previously.

My sister and I were exposed to a lot of things we shouldn't have

been. I'll list it so I don't ramble (and beware - some of this stuff

is pretty gross):

1. Stepnada used to straddle my dad in front of us and make out with

him for long periods of time. We were 7 and 5. Once she told my

sister to get off his lap because it was her turn " on Daddy's lap! "

She refers to my father as " Daddy " (this in itself disturbs me - she

was EXTREMELY competitive with us - even telling me at 8 that " wives

are more important than daughters " ). She would repeatedly grab his

butt and crotch in front of us.

2. She NEVER closed the bathroom door. Not for anything, including

changing tampons.

3. She hated that we would not undress in front of her and used to make

fun of us for being so " modest. " She would often cross this very hard

and fast boundary by walking in on us when we were in the tub or

getting dressed. Locked doors were absolutely NOT allowed. EVER.

4. She walked around in front of us naked a lot, and never wore

underwear. Why do I know this? The way she sat in the recliner pretty

much broadcast her whoowhoo to the entire room (this continued into

adulthood).

5. She was EXTREMELY loud in the bedroom throughout our childhood and

teenage years (she was/is an extremely loud person anyway...is this a

BPD thing? Are any of your nadas just plain LOUD??).

6. She liked to talk about sex around us and wanted us to discuss our

sexual experiences with her.

7. When my sister was 10, she tearfully told her that my mother

was " better in bed than her. " WTF??? Like my dad would EVER make such

a statement to her.

I'm sure there are other incidents, but I can't remember any more of

them. Some of this stuff is long gone from my mind, while other

incidents could have happened yesterday.

At this point I should admit that we were told by her and my father

that one of her uncles sexually abused her. And her mother used to hit

her. Does HER behavior constitute some sort of sexual abuse? I don't

know. I do find it extremely disturbing and it used to make my sister

and I very uncomfortable. I also know that none of my friends

experienced the same thing and my mom didn't act that way.

Anyhoo. That's my five cents.

allcats

>

> So I was away from this board for several months. Infact, I couldn't

> remember my login info so I had to create a new account.

>

> I'm going to jump right in...are there any women on the board who had

> expereice with thier mothers behaving in a sexual manner towards

them?

> What I am referring to specifically is inappropriate touching,

> fondeling, groping and also mothers who exposed themselfs in sexual

> ways to thier FEMALE children. This is really hard for me to write

but

> something happened over christmas that has made me have to face

this...

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, its called " emotional incest. "

It includes:

*the parent(s) being naked around the child

*allowing the child to witness the parent(s) engaged in sex and/or in

intimate foreplay

*the parent sharing his or her own private sexual experiences and

details with their child.

*the parent soliciting the child to share his or her own private

sexual experiences with the parent.

This behavior totally disregards the child's boundaries. The parent is

relating to the child emotionally as though the child is their sexual

partner/spouse. This sexualizes the parent-child relationship in an

extremely dysfunctional and inappropriate way.

(Ewww!)

-Annie

.... Does HER behavior constitute some sort of sexual abuse? I don't

> know. I do find it extremely disturbing and it used to make my sister

> and I very uncomfortable. I also know that none of my friends

> experienced the same thing and my mom didn't act that way.

>

> Anyhoo. That's my five cents.

> allcats

[Guest guest]

good point - I've always suspected that it was pretty damn wrong, but

there was nothing we really could have done. Dad wasn't strong

enough to stop it. The few times he tried to get her to not straddle

him she would erupt into a tearful tirade of " you don't love me!! " or

a blistering several hours of pouting. What my sister and I really

needed was a father who would stand up for us, recognize the abuse,

and put a stop to it. Not one who always begged us to apologize or

was strangely silent after promising to take our side in the other

room where she couldn't hear. My mother tried to tell him what was

going on when he wasn't around and he told her, " ---- wouldn't do

that! She LOVES the girls!!! The girls are telling lies because

they're still upset over our divorce. "

> ... Does HER behavior constitute some sort of sexual abuse? I

don't

> > know. I do find it extremely disturbing and it used to make my

sister

> > and I very uncomfortable. I also know that none of my friends

> > experienced the same thing and my mom didn't act that way.

> >

> > Anyhoo. That's my five cents.

> > allcats

>

[Guest guest]

It just occurred to me; I'm willing to bet that what your step-nada

was doing when she'd straddle your dad and make out with him in front

of you children wasn't so much sexual as it was territorial.

She was marking her property, (almost literally p***ing on him like an

animal does to mark its territory) in front of you to show you kids

that she owned his body and could claim his attention any time she

wanted to.

It was an act of jealousy; she felt jealous that he was watching TV

with his children instead of paying attention to her, so she had to

disrupt it.

Creepy, creepy step-nada. Brrrr.

-Annie

> > ... Does HER behavior constitute some sort of sexual abuse? I

> don't

> > > know. I do find it extremely disturbing and it used to make my

> sister

> > > and I very uncomfortable. I also know that none of my friends

> > > experienced the same thing and my mom didn't act that way.

> > >

> > > Anyhoo. That's my five cents.

> > > allcats

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You're damn right it was territorial! She was in competition with us

(especially me as the oldest) from the moment they started

dating. " Wives are more important than daughters ----. " Very

quickly into their marriage she got rid of my dad's family (other

than my grandmother) and we were not allowed to talk about them in

front of her. She also forced us to call her 'mom' and wrote a

terrifying letter to my mother (that I saw with my own eyes when I

was in my teens) about how when we were with her, SHE would do what

she wanted with us and there wasn't a damn thing my mother could do

to stop it. She was right about that. My father did NOTHING to stop

her insanity and left us alone for very long periods of time with

her. We've tried to tell him some of the effed up things she's said

to us but I don't think he believes us. At least I have my sister to

back me up and remind me that I'm not insane and that those things

DID happen.

> > > ... Does HER behavior constitute some sort of sexual abuse? I

> > don't

> > > > know. I do find it extremely disturbing and it used to make

my

> > sister

> > > > and I very uncomfortable. I also know that none of my

friends

> > > > experienced the same thing and my mom didn't act that way.

> > > >

> > > > Anyhoo. That's my five cents.

> > > > allcats

> > >

> >

>