suicide threats

[Guest guest]

This has never really been an issue with my own mother, but I often

used to expect it to happen to us someday. Several people have

mentioned this problem lately, and I wanted to share a bit

from " Understanding the Borderline Mother " by Ann Lawson

(p. 223-4) that I found really helpful:

" Parents who tell their children that they feel like killing

themselves usually want reassurance that they are cared about and

would be missed. Paradoxically, the threat is often an attempt to

prevent abandonment. Such stantements evoke powerful feelings of

anziety in children, even adult children, and should never be

ignored. Listed below are helpful versus nonhelpful responses:

Nonhelpful responses

1.Rescuing behavior: " Oh, please don't say that, I will do anything

for you. "

2.Ignoring the threat or gesture: " Right, you've said that a million

times. "

3.Failing to take the feeling seriously: " I'm so sick of hearing you

say that. "

Helpful responses

1.Calling the police when any suicidal gesture is acted upon.

2.Calling the patient's therapist when any suicidal thought is

mentioned.

3.Responding honestly with concern and appropriate consequences such

as the following: " Telling me that you feel like killing yourself

upsets me. It scares me and makes me angry. I am going to tell your

therapist. There is nothing else I can do to help. I am your

child. I love you and care about you but I do not want to be

responsible for whether or not you kill yourself. It is unfair to

me. " "

kt