Am I going BPD too??

[Guest guest]

I'm new to this forum but have been doing a huge amount of research on

BPD - and also have read UTBM which helped a great deal.

As I said in my previous post my nada was admitted to hospital last

week with a suspected brain tumour. it turned out to be an aneurysm.

very serious but she is in stable condition.

I live 20,000km away from her and have had NC for about 5 years. a

relief to say the least, but hard as I worry now that I have two small

kids, live in a foreign country where English is not the first OR

second language, that I'm starting to turn out like nada!

my husband reluctantly said that I do possess some nada bpd traits

when we argue but mostly its around PMT time. I have also suffered

depression for years and been on meds for about 5years, since the nc

from nada, when i had a major depressive episode.

So what im saying is, i get angry, sooo angry either at the kids or my

husband and start thinking really crazy things to the theme of " why am

I the one who has to do everything, think of everything, can't you use

your initiative " (mostly those thoughts directed at my husband) and

result in me blaming him etc, and me having extreme mood swings of

crying to not saying anything (the cold treatment my mother use to

do)....arrghhh!!! I see that I'm starting to sound like HER and

becoming the victim which is not what I want at all! but how do I stop it?

The other problem is I cant find a good therapist here that speaks

english, not to mention a person who is right for me.

In my home country it wasnt a problem but here we have the support of

my husbands family and back home we have no support, except for good

friends and the system which speaks English :-)

So many issues, sorry !!! must be the xmas stress and winter upon me

that brings it all out.

Im just hoping someone out there is in or has been in a similar

situation as me and can shed some light?

Thanks for all the wonderful posts out there, I read them daily and

relate so much!! I wish I could respond with advice, and will try to

in the future.

x