question

[Guest guest]

First a CT scan which showed "something" -- then a PTC (percutaneous transhepatic

cholangiogram) when we insisted that they do a culture of the bile.

They were sure I had cholangiocarcinoma -- we didn't think so and asked

them to do the culture which came back as a VERY rare "fungal ball".

As I am the second person in med. literature to have this fungal issue

in my biliary system (according to my infectious disease research dr.)

-- it would be highly unlikely that this type of blockage will happen to

anyone else. But .. I think that any blockage could cause similar

symptoms.

Penny

wrote:

Hi Penny,

Question how did they find your problem in duct

and how did they treat it?

Leigh-Ann

[Guest guest]

Hi Chantelle,

A physical is a 'check-up' of your current physical health. It could

include any number of tests or examinations of your body. Usually blood

is taken to look at blood levels of iron or thyroid or cholesterol. The

heart is listened to and reflexes can be checked. Women usually are

advised to have yearly check-ups that include examination of 'female'

parts of the body. The female check-ups in the US usually include a Pap

smear test and breast examinations. A Pap smear is where cervical (from

the cervix) tissue is removed and examined. The female tests may or may

not be included in a 'typical' check-up or physical. It would depend on

the health care delivery model that you have in Canada. Perhaps the

physical you are referring to is a yearly 'Pap " smear??

Height and weight is usually noted at a physical.

A physical is a good time to discuss any health concerns you have with

your doctor. This could include discussing whether certain medications

would be a good idea and/or any concerns of whether certain medications

could have side effect or interactions with other medicines. Any

symptoms that concern you can be discussed at the physical.

Best wishes,

Question

Hi in two weeks I am having a Physical. What is this. I am told I

need one every year, but what exactly does the doctor do?

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Thanks , its actualy not a pap smear. I dont need that. my

doctor is probably doing the other stuff, she told me I dont need the

smear.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

,

Once again, I am in awe. What a great answer - it was clear, comprehensive and

relevant! Does this come

naturally to you?

Regards,

Anne, mom of Penina

(CHARGE, 6)

Keedy wrote:

> Hi Chantelle,

>

> A physical is a 'check-up' of your current physical health. It could

> include any number of tests or examinations of your body. Usually blood

> is taken to look at blood levels of iron or thyroid or cholesterol. The

> heart is listened to and reflexes can be checked. Women usually are

> advised to have yearly check-ups that include examination of 'female'

> parts of the body. The female check-ups in the US usually include a Pap

> smear test and breast examinations. A Pap smear is where cervical (from

> the cervix) tissue is removed and examined. The female tests may or may

> not be included in a 'typical' check-up or physical. It would depend on

> the health care delivery model that you have in Canada. Perhaps the

> physical you are referring to is a yearly 'Pap " smear??

>

> Height and weight is usually noted at a physical.

>

> A physical is a good time to discuss any health concerns you have with

> your doctor. This could include discussing whether certain medications

> would be a good idea and/or any concerns of whether certain medications

> could have side effect or interactions with other medicines. Any

> symptoms that concern you can be discussed at the physical.

>

> Best wishes,

>

>

> Question

>

> Hi in two weeks I am having a Physical. What is this. I am told I

> need one every year, but what exactly does the doctor do?

>

> Chantelle

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had a buddy that got hired at my center (several years before I did). He has

MS and has horrible vision. At home he uses a 35 inch monitor on his PC. When

he was sitting at a console to dispatch, he had to stand and get his face

practically against the screen to see the run cards to dispatch them.

He knew it was a problem and so did the director, so they agreed he should

leave. He could've done the job if it hadn't been for that.

In a fast-paced dispatch environment,when you've got 25-35 units on the air-

with sometimes 20+ runs all going at the same time-and you cant see the run

cards to read them,but have to tell your units to standby while you pull up

their run,then get close to the screen and squint really hard to read the

information,all the while other units are trying to call their status or dispo

or traffic stops or maybe a pursuit...

My friend,even though he could do everything the job required except read a run

card in a timely manner,knew he couldn't do the job.

He was putting officers at risk because of his disability.

==================================================

mailto:kevbayer911@...

http://members.sigecom.net/kevbayer911/unofficial/

http://members.sigecom.net/kevbayer911/family/

====================================================

[Guest guest]

> Simply call your Human Resources department at your employer (or

> whoever handles your insurance enrollments) and tell them you need to

> drop your family coverage and keep only individual coverage. It

> should be significantly less expensive. Tell them there has been a

> change in family status - a divorce proceeding with him moving out

> should qualify - and therefore they should make the change

> immediately. They are required by law not to make you wait until the

> next enrollment period to make a change in coverage when there is a

> qualified change in family status.

Cheryl-

Believe me when I say I have tried! It is a law, maybe only in

Florida although our corporate office is in AZ, that you cannot change

the status of your benefits except during open enrollment and if you

have an IRS qualifying life change, marriage, divorce, birth, etc.

Until the divorce is final I have no choice but to keep them covered,

which is the reason he wants to drag it out.

I did file a motion for relief with the court to force him to have to

pay for at least their share until the divorce is final. I'm hoping

that if he has to pay he'll be more inclined to speed things up.

in FL

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean. I've often thought that it would have been

better for my Sister and me if our nada had been worse: if she had

been horrible to us all the time, even in public, so people would have

been able to see clearly how badly she was mistreating us and we would

probably have been taken away from her.

Our nada is and always has been able to appear quite charming when she

wants to: she can seem to be an adorable, sweet, thoughtful person in

public, but the mask comes off in private.

Even when we were alone with her, when we were little, she could be

our mommy who loved us one minute, and this screaming, raging,

terrifying, abusive monster the next minute, sometimes for no apparent

reason at all.

I think the fact that she can and does turn on the charm at will is

what kept us hoping and sticking around for so long. Its called

" intermittent reinforcement " and its the most addictive condition on

earth. As adults Sister and I would stick around hoping that nada

would be sweet to us, that we'd have a good visit with her, but it was

just like placing a bet on a roulette wheel: maybe we'd have a good

visit, but maybe not.

And like your nada, when ours would rage and be emotionally abusive,

afterward it was like nothing had happened, as far as she was

concerned. I'd feel like I'd been hit by a truck, but if I brought it

up it would cause nada to fly into yet another rage. So we were

trained very relentlessly, brainwashed over a lifetime to live in

nada's fantasy world of unpredictable rages that didn't happen, did they?

I think that was one of the most damaging things she did to us; beat

the crap out of us physically and emotionally for reasons unknown, and

then act just chirpy and la-la-laaa, like she hadn't just traumatized

us. Again.

Now that we are middle-aged and nada is elderly, Sister and I are

finally able to accept that the niceness is the fake part of nada,

that it is merely a tool used to manipulate people, and that her true

self is very miserable, unhappy, mean, and vindictive. She can't reel

us back in anymore by pretending to be nice. We don't buy it anymore.

I hope you and others here can resolve your relationship with your

nada a lot earlier in your life than it took my Sister and me.

-Annie

>

> Is it just me or do your BP's come in and out of it? Like are they ever

> normal? Mine is (now is not one of them). But it makes it very hard and

> difficult to draw the boundary. It's hard because sometimes she'll just

> snap out of it (well, okay, not snap out of it - more like act like it

> never happened and try to be normal).

>

> I'm getting to the point where I can't pretend along with her

anymore. I

> feel like it's come down to " me " or " her " . But then I turn on the TV

last

> night and there's this preacher going on and on about 'Never Give Up'.

> Never, ever, ever, - ever. It makes me angry. Like I need anymore

guilt!

> I'm having a hard time with my faith right now. I don't know if I'm

mad at

> God or just all the people trying to tell me what God says I should do!

> They assume they are dealing with 'normal' circumstances. I'm sorry,

but

> this is not a " one size fits all " . I really resent the fact that they

> generally don't acknowledge the fact THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN

> CRAZY!!! I even get sick of my few friends trying to help. It's just so

> damn frustrating. And alienating.

>

>

> Bridget

>

>

> " Be the change you want to see in the world. " -Mahatma Gandhi

>

>

[Guest guest]

There is a difference between giving up the hope that GOD can work to

encourage people to change and giving up the fantasy that YOU can do

anything to change someone else.

I'm not a fan of tv preachers generally...but he raises a good point,

that we should remember that with God all things are possible.

However, I find it much more healing to pray for my parents from a

distance and recognize that their well being is not my

responsibility. It's up to them how they respond to God.

I look at my boundaries not only as a way to protect myself, but also

a good way to help my mother. She may not see it that way, but I

can. Enabling her manipulative behavior isn't good for her, either.

Yes, people with BPD can act " normal " , and that's what makes it so

hard for their kids. If they acted crazy 100% of the time, we

wouldn't have so much self-doubt. It's important to stick with your

boundaries and remember why you set them.

" Not giving up " on someone is NOT the same thing as " pretending

they're perfect. " It means believing that anything can happen while

still recognizing that things are what they are.

>

> Is it just me or do your BP's come in and out of it? Like are they

ever

> normal? Mine is (now is not one of them). But it makes it very hard

and

> difficult to draw the boundary. It's hard because sometimes she'll

just

> snap out of it (well, okay, not snap out of it - more like act like

it

> never happened and try to be normal).

>

> I'm getting to the point where I can't pretend along with her

anymore. I

> feel like it's come down to " me " or " her " . But then I turn on the

TV last

> night and there's this preacher going on and on about 'Never Give

Up'.

> Never, ever, ever, - ever. It makes me angry. Like I need anymore

guilt!

> I'm having a hard time with my faith right now. I don't know if I'm

mad at

> God or just all the people trying to tell me what God says I should

do!

> They assume they are dealing with 'normal' circumstances. I'm

sorry, but

> this is not a " one size fits all " . I really resent the fact that

they

> generally don't acknowledge the fact THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN

> CRAZY!!! I even get sick of my few friends trying to help. It's

just so

> damn frustrating. And alienating.

>

>

> Bridget

>

>

> " Be the change you want to see in the world. " -Mahatma Gandhi

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

My brother  (my only sibling)  and I have been discussing " Mom " all of our adult

lives.  He has always lived as far away as he could , but, geographical distance

doesn't remove " nada " from his life.  We have vented, analyzed, rationalized,

and wasted most of our lives obsessing on " nada " .  He has , for the most part,

always been the wonderful son. He also has been the one who can trigger Nada

into rages which she took out on my father and on me. My father has been dead

for almost 20 years so now her displaced anger goes to me.  He has confronted

her, corrected her, encouraged her all of his life while I took the back seat

and didn't " rock the boat " . When I first learned about BPD I couldn't stop

reading everything online I could find (from the nons point of view to the BPD's

point of view).  I shared a little bit with my brother, but, afraid to say too

much as he had turned on me in the past.  Too many times things I had said or

did seemed to get

twisted and confidences shared thrown back at me (too familiar for me as it

seemed he was becoming nada) so I am cautious in how much I safely can reveal to

him.  He has struggled his whole life with emotional problems, alcohol, drug

abuse, sexual identity, and suicide attempts.  He is now 54, chronically ill and

we are trying to re-establish the relationship we once shared.  There have been

times since I began this BPD discovery journey that I thought he seemed to

possess many traits as well.  However, most of those times he was under the

influence of alcohol mixed with pain medication and maybe those traits I saw

were only fleas.

I recently told him he should really check out some BPD info and had suggested

one of the groups on BPD central (for gays).  I had thought it was an adult

children of BPD (focusing on gays).  He surprised me and did register and has

been receiving posts.  However, it seems from what he said it was more about

relationships and not parents with BPD.  I didn't exactly tell him I have joined

this group, but, he suspects I have and wouldn't want to infringe on my privacy

(like our nada who had no boundaries ).

He suffers from depression, is on disability and I think a group like this would

explain alot to him.  He feels I'm wasting my life on " nada " and I tried to

explain to him that it isn't about me trying to cope with nada-it's about

learning about myself and getting validation (which I have never gotten from

anyone in my life-brother, SO, relatives or friends except my father who was too

emotionally badgered to stand up to her).

My question is does anyone know of any other group that is for adult children of

BPD mothers that you could recommend?  I am not comfortable with him joining

this group as there have been too many times in our adult lives where he has

actually seemed just like my nada (always under the influence of alcohol) and

where he has crossed boundaries that were not comfortable to me. Until I can get

everything sorted out in my mind I need to have this group for me.  First time

in my life I want to be selfish, take care of " me " first.  Any feedback would be

appreciated.