Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 I don't blame you for being angry!!! I'm really sorry she did that to you -- I think you're handling it all admirably. Congratulations on deciding to go NC. As I've just posted, it makes the holidays SO much nicer -- both for me and my son! These women have no right to bully and harrass us. Why should our kids be exposed to that kind of insanity? Why should WE be exposed to it ourselves? Best wishes to you, S so angry To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone > conversationwith my five year old and three year old. We are at > very low contact with > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five hours > away, but > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At > Thanksgiving she > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started repeatedly > calling my > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid > morning when > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his > parents home, > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone > conversationwas full of her telling them she was coming to see > them and bring them gifts > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the kids > have toys > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip on > a couple of > little kids, nada. > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, > knowing I could go > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her > stalking behavior > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my > dad. He and > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact > with her, both > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She always says > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously says > how horrible > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the > same time > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she > thinks we have > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you see. > I vividly > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12-13, > and she sat > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was a > horribleperson. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these > kinds of things, > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled at > me and from > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I > stood up to her > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', > which in her > mind is the worst insult. > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I > called and told > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him feigning > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS > CRAZY. She used > those exact words. > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has > begun. I am going > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will > probably send > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I > feel willing > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but now > I am jsut > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't get > to spread > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those kinds > of things > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third child > was born, > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for > this kind of > stress in my life. > > -- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Thank you. I don't know how well I'm handling it, I'm a wreck really. But at least I'm keeping her away physically, even if she is still effecting me emotionally. > I don't blame you for being angry!!! > > I'm really sorry she did that to you -- I think you're handling it all > admirably. > > Congratulations on deciding to go NC. As I've just posted, it makes the > holidays SO much nicer -- both for me and my son! These women have no right > to bully and harrass us. Why should our kids be exposed to that kind of > insanity? Why should WE be exposed to it ourselves? > > Best wishes to you, > > S > > > so angry > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > > > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone > > conversationwith my five year old and three year old. We are at > > very low contact with > > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five hours > > away, but > > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At > > Thanksgiving she > > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started repeatedly > > calling my > > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid > > morning when > > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his > > parents home, > > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone > > conversationwas full of her telling them she was coming to see > > them and bring them gifts > > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the kids > > have toys > > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip on > > a couple of > > little kids, nada. > > > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, > > knowing I could go > > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her > > stalking behavior > > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my > > dad. He and > > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact > > with her, both > > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She always says > > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously says > > how horrible > > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the > > same time > > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she > > thinks we have > > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you see. > > I vividly > > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12-13, > > and she sat > > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was a > > horribleperson. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these > > kinds of things, > > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled at > > me and from > > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I > > stood up to her > > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', > > which in her > > mind is the worst insult. > > > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I > > called and told > > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him feigning > > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS > > CRAZY. She used > > those exact words. > > > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has > > begun. I am going > > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will > > probably send > > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I > > feel willing > > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but now > > I am jsut > > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't get > > to spread > > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those kinds > > of things > > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third child > > was born, > > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for > > this kind of > > stress in my life. > > > > -- > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Wow. Its so clear that your nada completely disrespects you as a mother and feels free to over-ride your wishes, as though you are just some kind of balky nanny who won't give her access to " her " children. Like you don't even exist. How insidious of her to play your children's little unformed psyches like a violin; the " you have toys here at grandma's that MISS YOU... " Geez, she is just like the evil witch in the " Hansel and Gretel " fairytale, her house made of gingerbread and candy made to lure unsuspecting children inside to be eaten (or in this case, brainwashed.) Brrrr. Its totally understanding how emotionally exhausted you are, you have been fending off a relentless stalker. I hope that somehow you and your husband and kids will be able to totally cut off nada's access, or perhaps go on an extended vacation somewhere far, far away that nada can't find. -Annie > > > I don't blame you for being angry!!! > > > > I'm really sorry she did that to you -- I think you're handling it all > > admirably. > > > > Congratulations on deciding to go NC. As I've just posted, it makes the > > holidays SO much nicer -- both for me and my son! These women have no right > > to bully and harrass us. Why should our kids be exposed to that kind of > > insanity? Why should WE be exposed to it ourselves? > > > > Best wishes to you, > > > > S > > > > > > so angry > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > > > > > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone > > > conversationwith my five year old and three year old. We are at > > > very low contact with > > > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five hours > > > away, but > > > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At > > > Thanksgiving she > > > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started repeatedly > > > calling my > > > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > > > > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid > > > morning when > > > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his > > > parents home, > > > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone > > > conversationwas full of her telling them she was coming to see > > > them and bring them gifts > > > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the kids > > > have toys > > > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip on > > > a couple of > > > little kids, nada. > > > > > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, > > > knowing I could go > > > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her > > > stalking behavior > > > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my > > > dad. He and > > > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact > > > with her, both > > > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She always says > > > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously says > > > how horrible > > > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the > > > same time > > > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she > > > thinks we have > > > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you see. > > > I vividly > > > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12-13, > > > and she sat > > > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was a > > > horribleperson. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these > > > kinds of things, > > > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled at > > > me and from > > > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I > > > stood up to her > > > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', > > > which in her > > > mind is the worst insult. > > > > > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I > > > called and told > > > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him feigning > > > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS > > > CRAZY. She used > > > those exact words. > > > > > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has > > > begun. I am going > > > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will > > > probably send > > > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I > > > feel willing > > > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but now > > > I am jsut > > > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't get > > > to spread > > > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those kinds > > > of things > > > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > > > > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third child > > > was born, > > > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for > > > this kind of > > > stress in my life. > > > > > > -- > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 I " m sorry to hear this - it sounds awful. I agree with your NC position, but is it ever useful to tell a nada that you are going NC if she doesn't accept your boundaries to start? Would it be possible to block emails/her phone #? It just seems like it might hurt you more with the disrespect of her most likely ignoring your request for NC. You deserve more. Shari On Fri, Dec 26, 2008 at 10:14 AM, Brown < heatherforever@...> wrote: > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone > conversation > with my five year old and three year old. We are at very low contact with > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five hours away, but > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At Thanksgiving she > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started repeatedly calling my > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid morning when > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his parents > home, > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone conversation > was full of her telling them she was coming to see them and bring them > gifts > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the kids have toys > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip on a couple > of > little kids, nada. > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, knowing I could > go > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her stalking > behavior > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my dad. He and > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact with her, both > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She always says > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously says how > horrible > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the same time > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she thinks we have > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you see. I vividly > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12-13, and she > sat > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was a horrible > person. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these kinds of things, > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled at me and > from > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I stood up to her > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', which in her > mind is the worst insult. > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I called and told > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him feigning > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS CRAZY. She used > those exact words. > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has begun. I am > going > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will probably > send > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I feel willing > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but now I am jsut > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't get to spread > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those kinds of things > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third child was born, > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for this kind of > stress in my life. > > -- > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 It'll get better when you kids are old enough to just say, plainly, " Grandma's nuts. " Seriously. Still hurts as the KO but it's better for the kids. They'll soon develop their own threshold of what they'll accept and tolerate from her. Listen to them... they'll let you know. The toys n such will only entice them so far. Treat and gaurd yourself like you do your children... you deserve to be protected too. Lynnette > > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone conversation > with my five year old and three year old. We are at very low contact with > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five hours away, but > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At Thanksgiving she > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started repeatedly calling my > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid morning when > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his parents home, > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone conversation > was full of her telling them she was coming to see them and bring them gifts > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the kids have toys > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip on a couple of > little kids, nada. > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, knowing I could go > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her stalking behavior > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my dad. He and > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact with her, both > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She always says > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously says how horrible > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the same time > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she thinks we have > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you see. I vividly > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12-13, and she sat > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was a horrible > person. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these kinds of things, > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled at me and from > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I stood up to her > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', which in her > mind is the worst insult. > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I called and told > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him feigning > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS CRAZY. She used > those exact words. > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has begun. I am going > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will probably send > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I feel willing > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but now I am jsut > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't get to spread > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those kinds of things > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third child was born, > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for this kind of > stress in my life. > > -- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 > It'll get better when you kids are old enough to just say, > plainly, " Grandma's nuts. " lol! That's so true!!! My son was only 7 when he got it. , I hope your anger has passed a bit and you're feeling better. I think NC is the best Christmas present anyone could give themselves! If you do decide to send her a letter telling her about it, though, I'd just assume she's going to ignore any requests and do whatever she wants. (If she was capable of respecting boundaries, you wouldn't need the NC!) I guess there's no way to predict how crazy-stalker she's going to get -- but whatever she does, you can handle it! -S Re: so angry To: WTOAdultChildren1 > It'll get better when you kids are old enough to just say, > plainly, " Grandma's nuts. " > > Seriously. > > Still hurts as the KO but it's better for the kids. They'll > soon > develop their own threshold of what they'll accept and tolerate > from > her. Listen to them... they'll let you know. The toys n such > will > only entice them so far. > > Treat and gaurd yourself like you do your children... you > deserve to > be protected too. > > Lynnette > > > > > > Yesterday I decided I would allow my nada a three minute phone > conversation > > with my five year old and three year old. We are at very low > contact with > > her right now, not for her lack of trying. She lives five > hours > away, but > > constantly calls, sends emails, packages, and letters. At > Thanksgiving she > > called my phone, my husbands phone, and then started > repeatedly > calling my > > inlaws landline until she got hold of us. I was so embarrassed! > > > > I didn't want that to happen again and ruin Christmas, so mid > morning when > > we were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to go to his > parents home, > > I called her and let her talk to him for a minute. The phone > conversation > > was full of her telling them she was coming to see them and > bring > them gifts > > (I have never consented to this, and will not) and that the > kids > have toys > > at her house that 'miss' them. Way to try to put a guilt trip > on a > couple of > > little kids, nada. > > > > Anyway, I was very annoyed but glad to have it over with, > knowing I > could go > > on with the rest of our relaxing Christmas day without her > stalking > behavior > > hanging over my head. Then i noticed I had a voicemail from my > dad. > He and > > nada have been divorced for over 13 years. He has no contact > with > her, both > > of thier kids are grown and he lives in another town. She > always > says > > horrible things about him, paints him black, simataniously > says how > horrible > > he is and gets jealous if we do anything with him, and at the > same > time > > grills my brother and I about every detail about him if she > thinks > we have > > had contact with him We are supposed to be on HER SIDE, you > see. I > vividly > > remember after thier divroce, I was 15 and my brother was 12- > 13, > and she sat > > us down and told us that he cheated on her and did xyz and was > a > horrible > > person. I told her she shouldn't be telling us these kinds of > things, > > especially not my young brother and she slapped me and yelled > at me > and from > > that point on I started to be painted black too. Any time I > stood > up to her > > she would insult me telling me I was 'just like your FATHER', > which > in her > > mind is the worst insult. > > > > Anyway. I had a voicemail from my dad saying to call him. I > called > and told > > him merry christmas, and he told me that nada had called him > feigning > > concern about me, and told him that she thought that I WAS > CRAZY. > She used > > those exact words. > > > > I was livid. I still am. Apparently the smear campaign has > begun. I > am going > > no contact immediatly. In a day or two when I calm down I will > probably send > > her an email requesting no future contact until a time when I > feel > willing > > to communicate again. I was in tears christmas morning, but > now I > am jsut > > really angry. I am not going to play her games. She doesn't > get to > spread > > lies about me and then see my kids. If she is saying those > kinds of > things > > to my own father, who knows what she is saying to other people > > > > Things have gone steadily downhill with her since my third > child > was born, > > and now I just plain fed up. I don't have time or energy for > this > kind of > > stress in my life. > > > > -- > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Idk. She called this morning leaving a message that she. Is coming to visit this week to bring the kids presents. Once again didn't ask just announed her forth coming arrival. I haven't called back yet. Inknow she will push and ignore My boundries but at the same time I think that it is good to pit them in writing so that I have documentation in case we need a future restraining prefer to protect the kids. Sent from my iPod Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Find out when she's coming and don't be there. Seriously... leave the day before and come back the day after. If $ is an issue (and you don't want to stay at a hotel) go stay with a friend. Just don't be HOME. Sure, it's a pain, but it sends an obvious message. Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 I suggest you begin saving her recorded messages (its just as good has having it in writing) and save recordings of your replies and your stating your boundaries to nada. (All with dates and times indicated.) That's what the police tell victims of stalkers to do: save all those messages and e-mails. And I agree with the earlier post: if you know which day she's going to show up, just take the kids with you and go somewhere else for a few hours, or days, or whatever it takes. If you just stay home and allow nada to come in, you are reinforcing or even rewarding your nada for ignoring your boundaries. You could leave a note tacked to the door just saying, " We're out of town, be back later " or something similarly vague and brief so she won't do something hysterical like call the police and tell them you've been kidnapped, or worse. You should probably leave word with a trusted neighbor as well, one who knows the drill, in case nada does a house to house search for you. Neighbor can say, " oh, yes, told me she's going to be out of town and asked if I could collect the mail for her, etc. " Good luck with this, you've got a very aggressive nada who totally disrespects you, and her behavior is very much like a stalker. Creepy. -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Oh, and PS: If you haven't already, I suggest changing the locks on your door so nada can't just let herself in when you're not there. Again, not being there at all is the ideal way to handle this, in my opinion. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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