Guest guest Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 I had a kind of lightbulb moment today, as I'm getting ready to go meet a friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Her family is even more toxic than mine, and she still lives with her " mother " (who is really her aunt, but not exactly: its a long, complicated story involving truly bizarre family secrets) because my friend is now disabled and lost her home. Starting when I was a very small child I was fascinated by movies and comic books and fairy tales about monsters; my love of fantasy books and films has lasted my whole life. Yet at the same time, as a child I'd often have bad dreams about monsters. A particularly memorable theme was of the " Godzilla " variety: I could see the giant shape looming in the distance, it was coming steadily in my direction, and I would be in a panic looking for a place to hide because I knew it could see me and was coming for me. It occurred to me (Duh!) that I must have been trying to make sense of my nada, who could appear to be normal and caring and motherly one moment, and then change in front of my eyes into a scary, raging behemoth. I was living with a monster. Makes me wonder: was I trying to desensitize myself to fear? Was I looking for a way to deal with the monster? After all, the film monsters were always defeated at the end of the story, much like in fairy tales. So, possibly another little piece of my puzzle falls into place. Nada had always denigrated my fascination with fantasy stories, and told me I had nightmares about monsters because I had been bad and was afraid of being punished: that it was my own guilt chasing me. I think you're wrong again, Witch. -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Egads! I've always dreamt of being deserted on a desert island... and LOVING it... I think our dreams speak the truth to us that our adult filters have learned to shut out. This, ironicially enough, was a topic in therapy yesterday... filters. Have a Godzilla free day! Lynnette > > I had a kind of lightbulb moment today, as I'm getting ready to go > meet a friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Her family is even more toxic > than mine, and she still lives with her " mother " (who is really her > aunt, but not exactly: its a long, complicated story involving truly > bizarre family secrets) because my friend is now disabled and lost her > home. > > Starting when I was a very small child I was fascinated by movies and > comic books and fairy tales about monsters; my love of fantasy books > and films has lasted my whole life. > > Yet at the same time, as a child I'd often have bad dreams about > monsters. A particularly memorable theme was of the " Godzilla " > variety: I could see the giant shape looming in the distance, it was > coming steadily in my direction, and I would be in a panic looking for > a place to hide because I knew it could see me and was coming for me. > > It occurred to me (Duh!) that I must have been trying to make sense of > my nada, who could appear to be normal and caring and motherly one > moment, and then change in front of my eyes into a scary, raging > behemoth. I was living with a monster. > > Makes me wonder: was I trying to desensitize myself to fear? Was I > looking for a way to deal with the monster? After all, the film > monsters were always defeated at the end of the story, much like in > fairy tales. > > So, possibly another little piece of my puzzle falls into place. Nada > had always denigrated my fascination with fantasy stories, and told me > I had nightmares about monsters because I had been bad and was afraid > of being punished: that it was my own guilt chasing me. > > I think you're wrong again, Witch. > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Annie, It's funny you should post this, because I was thinking of sharing on the board an image I've had of late that's been helping me; and then I though, nah, it might be too silly. But along this theme, here it is, anyway-- I've lately had an image that in my childhood, nada cast an evil spell on me, acting as a fairy tale witch. (Specifically, she turned me into a pig.) She had me believing --society reinforced this--that only a 'prince' could set me free. But then, enough good people cared, I found enough of the right techniques, and the right 'magic' was found, to break the evil spell. I've been turned back into the young woman I am. The spell has been lifted. It's the younger parts of me, that find this way of looking at it particularly convincing. It's the type of imagery that can actually reach younger children. It certainly makes me feel better! By the way, nada used to call me the 'ugly duckling' all the time... Charlie > > > > I had a kind of lightbulb moment today, as I'm getting ready to go > > meet a friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Her family is even more > toxic > > than mine, and she still lives with her " mother " (who is really her > > aunt, but not exactly: its a long, complicated story involving truly > > bizarre family secrets) because my friend is now disabled and lost > her > > home. > > > > Starting when I was a very small child I was fascinated by movies > and > > comic books and fairy tales about monsters; my love of fantasy books > > and films has lasted my whole life. > > > > Yet at the same time, as a child I'd often have bad dreams about > > monsters. A particularly memorable theme was of the " Godzilla " > > variety: I could see the giant shape looming in the distance, it was > > coming steadily in my direction, and I would be in a panic looking > for > > a place to hide because I knew it could see me and was coming for > me. > > > > It occurred to me (Duh!) that I must have been trying to make sense > of > > my nada, who could appear to be normal and caring and motherly one > > moment, and then change in front of my eyes into a scary, raging > > behemoth. I was living with a monster. > > > > Makes me wonder: was I trying to desensitize myself to fear? Was I > > looking for a way to deal with the monster? After all, the film > > monsters were always defeated at the end of the story, much like in > > fairy tales. > > > > So, possibly another little piece of my puzzle falls into place. > Nada > > had always denigrated my fascination with fantasy stories, and told > me > > I had nightmares about monsters because I had been bad and was > afraid > > of being punished: that it was my own guilt chasing me. > > > > I think you're wrong again, Witch. > > > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 " The Ugly Duckling " Nada always paraded me as the pretty one... then, when I was 15, 5'8 " and weighted 151 pounds (I was a solid as a rock athlete) she made me see a therapist because " No man will ever want a FAT girl " . Yet she continued to tell me I was beautiful. Is it a wonder I have 'issues' when people tell me I'm pretty? Lynnette > > > > > > I had a kind of lightbulb moment today, as I'm getting ready to go > > > meet a friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Her family is even more > > toxic > > > than mine, and she still lives with her " mother " (who is really her > > > aunt, but not exactly: its a long, complicated story involving truly > > > bizarre family secrets) because my friend is now disabled and lost > > her > > > home. > > > > > > Starting when I was a very small child I was fascinated by movies > > and > > > comic books and fairy tales about monsters; my love of fantasy books > > > and films has lasted my whole life. > > > > > > Yet at the same time, as a child I'd often have bad dreams about > > > monsters. A particularly memorable theme was of the " Godzilla " > > > variety: I could see the giant shape looming in the distance, it was > > > coming steadily in my direction, and I would be in a panic looking > > for > > > a place to hide because I knew it could see me and was coming for > > me. > > > > > > It occurred to me (Duh!) that I must have been trying to make sense > > of > > > my nada, who could appear to be normal and caring and motherly one > > > moment, and then change in front of my eyes into a scary, raging > > > behemoth. I was living with a monster. > > > > > > Makes me wonder: was I trying to desensitize myself to fear? Was I > > > looking for a way to deal with the monster? After all, the film > > > monsters were always defeated at the end of the story, much like in > > > fairy tales. > > > > > > So, possibly another little piece of my puzzle falls into place. > > Nada > > > had always denigrated my fascination with fantasy stories, and told > > me > > > I had nightmares about monsters because I had been bad and was > > afraid > > > of being punished: that it was my own guilt chasing me. > > > > > > I think you're wrong again, Witch. > > > > > > -Annie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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