Re: Rosemarie

[Guest guest]

Hi joanne:

I just found this email below in a stack of emails unanswered. I can¡¯t

believe I did that. I aplogize to you for the late response.

I can see that your life has had some real upheavals for sure. I had

similar events before I left home, but I left home and never returned so my

story ended there much sooner than yours. You still have your family around

you but it seems all of you are getting better now. That isprobably due to

you! And only you! Oh of course, we can¡¯t forget God! He has some

influence there too. LOL

Your story is such an inspiration to all of us. You are now a very

conscientious, thoughtful and caring person. See what your trials and

tribulations have done for YOU? Some who go through your kind of hell just

become alcoholics or abusers. That did not happen to you. That is a lot of

credit to you. When we are faced with adversaries what do we do? That is

the real test of character. Its easy to be a good person when everything is

going our way and everyone treats us well and there are no problems. But

real character shows up under conditions of adversity. And so we see how

strong your character is. God sees this too.

I am doing the neurofeedback now. I have only had two treatments so we will

see how it goes. I have yet to begin the EMDR but just reading about it has

been very enlightening to me. I have seen how my thought patterns get into

a ¡°rut¡± and how I can break the pattern that is the ¡°rut.¡± I have been just

playing around with that by myself. Its amazing how when I don¡¯t hold onto

my anger or fear my energy level goes way up. My thoughts definitely have

been dragging me down and making me tired. So I believe I will do the EMDR.

Thank you so much for sharing Joanne. You are a real support on this site

for all of us. I do appreciate you.

Sincerely,

rosemarie

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> Hi Rosemarie

> ?

> I dont know how much you know about my history but briefly I come from a very

> dysfunctional family. there was a lot going on in my life when I was a child.

> When I was six years old some really big stuff occured and I believe that was

> the time when I first took on the role of parent in our household. Over the

> years I became more and more this caring loving person, in many ways far too

> grown up for my age, grown up, at least when you looked at me, but inside

> something else was going on, put simply I do not think I matured emotionally

> in many ways, and as I became an adult this disparity became more and more

> apparent

> ?

> If you look at me when I was a teen and a young adult, there is a certain

> naivity there where I beleived deeply that everything could be fine if we all

> just worked at it. i as very patient and kind and I would spend hours and

> hours with anybody that was suffering, working hard to help them out of their

> dilemma. I really beleived this was what my Lord wanted me to do and I never

> considered for a moment that perhaps I was working out some of my abandonment

> issues through these situations I constantly found myself in.

> ?

> Many years past bad, and as they did more and more very needy people came into

> my life and as they did I continued with this determination to love and care

> for these poor folk

> ?

> Anyway, to cut a long story short, I clearly had some kind of breakdown, and

> this as in a way the beginning of my fibro (although I do think the seeds of

> fibro were sown much earlier) and when I had this breaskdown I do think maybe

> I could have recovered, but the unfortunate thing is that when I became poorly

> and I could not help these people any more ALL of them fell ill, seriously ill

> and I could not handle this either

> ?

> My first husband contracted terminal?cancer, I was ill and could only help out

> in part but I sent my children down every day. This was hard but I felt it was

> the right thing to do because they did not knwo their real father at all and I

> felt this would help them long term, and I do think it has, but this took it

> out of me

> ?

> Later my sister who I was very close to became schizophrenic. She was already

> diabetic, which is one reason why I was caring for her anyway so when she

> became schizophrenic (still not properly diagnosed at the time I am refering

> to) I felt very guilty and sad because I was not helping her as much as I

> thought I should do and this took its toll.

> ?

> My husband had a brain heamorhage, and this was really really bad. He had

> already been very ill for a long time with disk problems in his back, so now

> this had happened, and I was already so ill, this just floored me. We both

> lost really good jobs, our homes and so on

> ?

> then my Dad got Parkinsons and basically this as the icing on the cake. I

> could not cope, all this was killing me and I told my mom (she drinks a lot)

> and that was it she turned on me so viciously, I cannot tell you. It was all a

> dreadful nightmare and as I tried to muddle through crazy, and I mean crazy

> crazy crazy neighbours moved in next door. It as so bad I lay awake all night

> thinking we were going to get our house burnt down

> ?

> Anyway this all more or less happened after my breakdown and this was supposed

> to be my time for recovering. As I am sure you can imagine I went further and

> further into this illness and honestly Rosemarie I could see no way out. I was

> 222lb, unable to sleep more than 3 hours, in so much physical pain I cannot

> even describe, PMS, IBS, confused thinking, terror thinking, the lot

> ?

> Anyway, to the point.......................................

> ?

> I prayed to God like I had never prayed before. I told him how terrified I

> felt night and day and how I believed I was going to die and how I was

> terrified that my children were going to end up with no mother, looking after

> their severely disabled step dad, having to put up with the neighbours from

> hell and also having to suffer my psycho family too. I cried and cried and

> cried, on my knees and i begged him to help me

> ?

> It was not long after that that the Lord took me to Alanon and that was the

> beginning of me getting well

> ?

> I do not know how familiar you are with the 12 steps but these are the steps

> that they use in AA to help people get off alcohol and stay off it.

> ?

> I was not an alcoholic but I certainly had addiction issues, carbs,

> cigarettes, diet coke and plenty of other stuff too, and I had THAT

> personality, a personality of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and so many of

> the isms that go with this

> ?

> Whilst I was there I noticed that week in week out as new members came they

> all had kind caring loving personalities and that like me thye took on the

> responsibilities of others whilst at the same time suffering an inner

> nightmare, that frankly they had never had the chance to share until they

> entered those rooms

> ?

> I was very confused. How could it be that so many people who were kind,

> devout, honest, hard working, reliable, commited, trustworthy and all the

> rest, how could so many people with all these qualities end up such wrecks

> ?

> As I listened to more and more of these stories two things became very

> apparent to me (and I can tell you I really did not like these two revaltions

> at all, but this is what I saw) One was that although we all beleived deeply

> we were following Gods will, we most definately was not, and the other, and

> this one really sent me over the edge, these people that we had spent the best

> part of our lives running around after, were only ill, or so called ill

> because a lot fo the time it suited them. For the addicts we loved so dearly,

> this was all a game, and as the weeks went by I began to see that I had been

> feeding the game ever since I was a wee child

> ?

> Anyway, I decided to find a therapist and I have no idea why I was so

> fortunate, but the lady I found, was so very insightful, she was able to help

> me escape this atate of PTSD that I was in

> ?

> anyway, needless to say I continued with this therapist for a very long time,

> and I continued with Alanon too and this is some of the things that resulted

> from this

> ?

> Firstly, the Lord found me?a new home, a beautiful brand new house in the

> country side, all clean and modern, the best design, so beautiful that you

> cannot tell it is a house from social housing. It also has a massive garden

> and every single amenity close by. I am surrounded by hills and farms and if I

> could have chosen a place to live I do not think I would have been so cheeky

> than to have asked for a place as good as mine

> ?

> We had very little money and so very little furniture, but this did not

> matter, because the Lord found me a churcha nd at the church a kind man told

> me about freecycle, and from there loads and loads of people helped us out.

> they gave us every kind of furniture we needed and so much of it as in brand

> new condition, you would not believe

> ?

> Next they gave me a greenhouse and compost bins and garben tools including a

> mower and strimmer and, well everything I needed, plus seeds and manure,

> fertilizer and, oh this list goes on and on

> ?

> My children passed their exams at school and my son became an accountant and

> my daughter became a?qualified gardener first and now a librarian. Both of

> them are only 22 and 23 years old. I learned how to drive and with my market

> business (selling secondhand) I saved up enough money to buy a?car

> ?

> Folk carried on helping me out and now I have a big network of friends through

> Alanon, church, and freecycle (these lot are all eco warriors and?I swap my

> home grown veg for organic eggs and this kind of thing with them)

> ?

> I decided to change my religion a few years ago. mainly because 90% of these

> people that had helped me were catholic and because through these experiences

> I had begun to see myself through these people and I realised that these folk

> are my real family

> ?

> I still have friends from my old church that are?Church of England and as you

> may have read recently I have many friends at the evangelist Church too, but I

> do view myself as a Catholic and I do feel I had this outlook of life even

> before my Father brought me home

> ?

> i also hove hundreds of Muslim friends, and I am often with them more than I

> am with my christian friends because I work with them on the market. I love

> the Muslim people deeply. They are so devoted to God and they too have helped

> me so much, you would not believe

> ?

> Almost everything I sell on my market is?chosen specifically for my?muslim

> friends. they are so loving and kind to me, they never steal my stuff,

> they?help me carry my stuff and sell me stuff for half price, buy be tea and

> so on. I am kind back but this is so easy to do when you are with people

> that?love God,?the love of God knows?no boundaries. Since hanging around with

> these people my faith in?human beings has returned

> ?

> My friends on the market are usually very poor, poor immigrants that are used

> to having nothing and?who through their hardship have learned?how to share and

> give and care. They have taught me so much, especially about?the value of

> fasting with prayer and how eating natural foods can benefit the body

> ?

> they have also helped me overcome my addictions struggles.?Their culture

> promotes clean living and they understand that fasting and pray and eating

> correctly can stop a person ending up in a mess with addition like I?was

> ?

> Also being around people that are not getting drink and arguing all the time

> has really helped my inner soul develop. Which brings me back to Alanon

> ?

> At Alanon, I found my own, the Catholic people I later started to go to church

> with, but I also met a few ex-alcoholics who were so commited to?escaping

> their addictions, they were a envy for me. And I told them so.?

> ?

> they were using EMDR and NLP and lots of other stuff and they introduced me to

> these?ideas and I continued working with them and my therapist, to change the

> damamged part of my psychi

> ?

> I will when I get more time share a little more?about what all this involved ,

> but I do honestly believe this part of me is mended, or at least as mended as

> it is going to get. I really do not have any problem with this now, except

> when situations occur where I feel victimised and helpless. It can flare up,

> but it is not too bad because I now have lots of skills to deal with this

> ?

> It was whilst working through all this stuff that I realised eating low carb

> helps me with my illness, which is what I suspect I have now. And I continued

> with the low carb eating to this day. But, and again I do not?have that much

> time to go into all this now, but ever since , another kind and loving

> prson, introduced?me to bees diet, my illness has gone from strength to

> strength to strength.

> ?

> I am totally amazed at how much recovery I have had with Bees diet. I?had no

> idea that I could get as well as this, and the other great thing is I continue

> to get better and better each month. Not just me but my husband and children

> are both doing marvelously with it too

> ?

> And then there is the change to the end of the

> story...........................

> ?

> Like?you said the story carries on

> ?

> Well the good news is my mother rarely ever drinks nowadays. She has had no

> therapy so she still has the isms that dry alcoholics often have and I do have

> to be careful when I am around her. But I can be around her and not be

> affected by her behaviour. Occasionally I am, but rarely

> ?

> My sister, the one that is schizophrenic, is learning about?Bees diet. This

> can be hard at times, she can be a game player too, and I ahve to make sure I

> do not get drawn in, but so far so good and there has been some improvement

> ?

> but the real big success story is my dad. Again I cant go on and on about this

> or it will be midnight before I stop typing, but the improvement in my dads

> Parkinsons you would not believe. And I can tell you this, seeing this has

> more than anything showed me the Lords work in this diet and how it is the

> diet spoken of in the bible and in so many other religious texts.

> ?

> The Lord created food so perfectly so we would be well, and had we followed

> his commands and lived according to His will, none of us in my family would be

> ill. We ended up very poorly all of us but theLord is able to heal that which

> cannot be healed

> ?

> I will share again about all this but now instead of nightmares I dream of a

> wonderful life and I have a wonderful life

> ?

> Lots of folk have helped me gain this but four famous people I feel I should

> mention are

> ?

> Joyce Meyers, MCKenna, Dr Atkins and Pope

> ?

> Plus Bee of course, but she?does not regard herself as famous LOL

> ?

> I do hope this share sheds some light on how?I have become so well in body

> spirit and mind. It is not complete as yet, but it is not because of willpower

> or any great effort from me, it is because of the love of Gods people helping

> me that I am now doing fine

> ?

> Before I sign off I am going to mention one other group of people that have

> helped me, especially on my down days, and that is the folk here. Often I take

> you all for granted and forget that it has also been sharing here night after

> night that has also helped me gain a better perspective on my life

> ?

> God bless you all

> ?

> Love Joanne

> ?

> ?

> ?

>

>

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>>>> >> > Wanted to know if anyone would be willing to share any accomplishments

or

>>>> >> > revelations in regard to their fibromyalgia, no matter how small, for

the

>>> >> past

>>>> >> > year of 2010? Also, any goals in regard to your fibromyalgia for the

up

>>> >> coming

>>>> >> > year of 2011.

>>>> >> > ?Ann M. Logan? " Each Day Happens Only Once "

>>>> >> > ?

>>>> >> >

>>>> >> >