An indicator of our own mental health

[Guest guest]

I heard an interesting point made on a radio talk show today, when a

caller phoned in to ask the show host for help in handling her mother

who has bpd. Of course that alerted my interest immediately!

I'll paraphrase the host's answer, because I wasn't able to write it

down as I heard it, but here goes:

" It is a good indicator of our own mental health if we are able to be

in the presence of our abusive, toxic, mentally ill parent(s) and

simply see them as damaged, pathetic, broken people, and nothing more.

The goal is neutrality: To Have No Reaction At All To Them.

If you can do that, have no reaction, that means you have successfully

separated from your mother and are no longer seeking validation or

love from her. It means you accept that she is unable to give you

those things, and you are OK with that. It means you no longer take

anything she says or does personally; she can't love you, but neither

can she hurt you. You react to her as the independent adult you are,

not as the dependent child you were. "

The host added, " You get over your fear of water by exposing yourself

to water and learning to swim in it. "

I found that very interesting, because I am living on the other side

of the country from my nada because, I suppose, I feel I am still

vulnerable to her! I must still not feel like an adult around her.

That gave me a lot of food for thought. Hm!

-Annie