Holiday season - to avoid or not to avoid nada

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because things were good

and I

didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and I'm going to visit

grandpa

(dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been divorced, but she

lives

nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit nada's side of the

family when I'm

in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my parents, grandpa was

the one that

babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce when nada got the

custody. I

miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his health is not

good these days.

I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really need nada to

not be around.

Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would not leave me

alone for a

sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the time and ambushed

me at the

hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with her, we either

fought, or

she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family. Eventually I changed

hotel and

avoided her for the rest of the trip.

So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told her I would

mainly be with

grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later than my actual

arrival, so that I

can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started friendly, bi-weekly

phone convo

with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week, I really thought

I could do this

for the sake of my grandpa.

Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged pick up at the

airport, she

insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me at the airport

from far

away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me at all kinds of

random hours

many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I never picked up

the

phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement. Yet today, I had

to call her

again... and this call brought me to tears:

I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need vaccines for

traveling to

another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed at least 10

vaccines in

my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada to ask about

those

vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record means nothing,

that except

for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw, Nada was a

nurse and

now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse, she " knows " which

vaccines I

needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the record for school

admission. It

suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to vaccine record and she

faked

mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada can lie on my

health record

for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical history? (Now

that I

finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's MORE?!) ... Several

doctors had

questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested, or sicknesses

that I unlikely

had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't have gotten any of

that

wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot reject. In

addition, I always

thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given some sort of TB

hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada insisted I was

very sick

and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I became

overweight.... Well,

recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined my life in every

way she

could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How is intentionally

skipped

vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your own kid love?

Isnt that

illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I thought? Should I

be worried

about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs at the expense of

myself. I

do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out of my life... But

I am afraid

by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again to get her

way.... grandpa

really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should I do so she can

just

leave me alone?!