SLarsen---> Re: Letter to Nada - Please advise ... thanks

[Guest guest]

I know it's a step on my journey ... but I feel like I'm defeated somehow.  I

feel like I just wasn't good enough to make a relationship work ... even though

I know that logically she's not firing on all cylinders. 

How did you feel after you had spoken your truth?  Did you ever feel this way?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 5:18:33 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Letter to Nada - Please advise ... thanks

Hi,

I'm proud of you for taking this step -- for expressing your feelings, making

your requests and sending it off. I think your letter is wonderfully written and

to the point. I also think you've given your nada the best chance at

understanding what you'd like her to do to keep you in her life (of course,

whether or not she complies is another matter!)

I confronted my nada with the truth about her having BPD a few times before I

went NC. I'm glad I told her MY TRUTH, whether or not she heard or believed me.

(I told her in person so was able to see her response immediately. It was

actually pretty comical, at first she was like a non-blinking malfunctining

android, and then went straight to denial mode. Oh well! Her prob, not mine.)

This is just another step on YOUR journey of recovery -- whatever she does or

doesn't do, it's time to take care of yourself now. I can understand your

feeling weakened and vulnerable after sending her the letter, but I truly don't

believe anything really bad can come from speaking your truth!

Congratulations! Keep us posted.

-S

Re: Letter to Nada - Please advise ... thanks

To: WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com

> Your letter sounds like one that all of us wish we could send

> and

> wish would lead to real change on behalf of the nada.

> Unfortunately,

> it's probably a waste of ink (or pixels?). Part of BPD is

> complete

> inability to acknowledge that anything is fundamentally wrong

> with

> them. Therefore, if you're pointing out something that's wrong

> with

> them, there must be something wrong with you (in the mind of the

> BPD). Letters like this get turned around on you almost

> instantaneously. But they are sometimes cathartic to write,

> even if

> they never see the light of day.

>

>

> >

> > I've been NC for about a year and Nada won't stop calling. I

> was

> really upset today about it and felt ... well very frustrated.

> She

> has total amnesia of what has happened over the last year or

> when she

> last had me and the children for Xmas. Last year was hell and I

> refuse to let her ruin my holidays this year.

> >

> > So I wrote her a letter. I'm posting it below. I'm kind of

> looking for some feedback. I know I haven't given this list a

> real

> detailed intro to my issues, but I see so many in common with

> several

> posts, I just don't want to bore anyone. Ugh ... I know I'm not

> as

> strong right now as I normally am, so please bear with me.

> >

> > I feel like I've weakened my defenses a little bit by sending

> an

> email. But I felt if I didn't - I don't know I'm just so

> angry. Let

> me know your thoughts about the email if you have the time.

> Thanks

> in advance. -

> > ============ ======

> >

> > Obviously, given the pictures you sent, you know precisely

> what

> pictures I'm looking for and why. I would appreciate it if you

> would

> send them on. Pictures of me and my father, or his family, have

> no

> place taking up dust in your house. Please send them where they

> belong. I have asked this before, starting a year ago and as I

> said,

> it's obvious you know exactly what I'm referring to.

> >

> > I believe you suffer from a condition called Borderline

> Personality

> Disorder. Both of my prior therapists have surmised the same.

> Take

> this any you wish, the bottom line is that something has been

> wrong

> for a long time and I finally know it's not me. I have worked

> through many issues, but I am not a BPD. That much is very

> clear.

> Your mother is a classic BPD and as evidenced by your recent

> amnesia

> of the past year (among many other things) so are you.

> >

> > The only way I am willing to have any contact with you beyond

> this

> email is IF you get into therapy with a therapist who is not

> someone

> who just says what you want to hear. You need help. If you

> come to

> terms with the fact that you are much a problem in this

> situation as

> any other issue, then we may have a place to begin. IF you

> enter

> therapy and explore the conditions of BPD for yourself, I will

> permit

> limited contact with myself. The rest of my family is off

> limits

> until progress is made.

> >

> > These are the terms and they are not negotiable. If you are

> not

> willing to get help, then we have no reason to be in contact.

> As far

> as I'm concerned you have passed away. You are not a mother in

> this

> condition, not a friend, not anything but a chronic negative

> influence that seeks to reel me in and then bite nastily. It's

> a

> trait of BPD and you do it repeatedly.

> >

> > Please do not call the cell phones. No one is going to answer

> the

> calls. If you wish to respond via email, you'll have to go

> through

> Landon as all emails to me are blocked.

> >

> > Just so we are clear. You get into therapy to deal with your

> BPD,

> based on your progress I may choose to reinitiate contact with

> strict

> boundaries until progress is made.

> >

> > Mandt

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >