Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 That is awesome Grace - I'm so glad for you that you are making such rapid progress. Soon you'll be showing folks like me the way out I suspect. I made a lot of progress initially when I discovered all this stuf about BPD and NPD and now I'm in sort of stuck middle space. I've evicted every single person out of my life who was bpd/npd who wasn't my FOO and guess what - no one is left. I've attracted new pd type people who I've had to run away from as I saw the pattern about to repeat. I hope next to somehow move out of this alone space to attract healthier people and be a healthier friend myself. I don't know how long it'll take though. I do believe that thinking we can manage them can lead to a false sense of power and confusing roles. Yet, let's be truthful, we know that certain actions will cause a shitstorm and certain ones won't. But that's not us managing them, that's them managing us. The next hurdle is to get to a place of such strength where one can honestly say " do your worst, I'm my own woman! " > > > > > > Last night at the nursing home - when my nada started her usual > > > crap. And then I did stuff to cover my ass. Cause you know > what? > > I > > > knew what was coming - Im of course split bad now - rang to > again - > > > cover my ass - so this split wouldnt happen. I rang - at a time > i > > > knew my nsister and her son were there in the room and the frosty > > > tone - Im so f.in sick of this shit. Im so angry at this shit. > Im > > so > > > f,in nice to that bitch. > > > > > > And you know what? IN the past last night would have been pinned > > on > > > me - not only by my nada, but my fucker of a npd father would > have > > > blamed my nadas shit on me - all my whole fucking life. Im so > > > fucking angry. > > > > > > What do I do now? HOw do I avoid this bad splitting - how do I > > cope > > > with it? And this is before chemo? I cant cope with her - no > one > > > would believe this shit and what the hell do I do? > > > > > > Do I come up with some excuse that I cant visist. Yes I think so > > an > > > interview in another part of the country - scare her into > stopping > > > the abuse so she thinks Im moving away. > > > > > > Ok - thats what I'll do. Say I have to travel overnight to an > > > interview cant visit for a few days. > > > > > > OK - I have to control my anger towards her. Usually I take it > out > > > on myself. I just cant wait till they are no longer in my life > at > > > all. > > > > > > I got so angry this morning when I realised that in the past my > npd > > > father would have abused me totally - for my nadas mood and then > my > > > nada would pull this SOP anyway. Fuck them all. Bastards for > what > > > theyve done to me my whole life. > > > > > > Im NOT rewarding her with a visit for this shit 0- no fucking way > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 >> When I got to thinking about that tonight - I thought in a little > anxty way - 'oh no Ive to give that up', and I thought ok. And shed > about 2 tears. Then I couldnt believe it I thought to myself - OMG > you meant I dont HAVE to have a crap relationship like that in my > life anymore - I dont HAVE to and I got really happy The thought > that I can just be. I was thinking of Christmas and being lonely on > my own - and I just thought - sod that crap - it will be great to > just have no shit, no hassles, not that kind of shitty abusive > relationship in my life anymore. Yippee > Yippee, indeed! I'll bet that feels so good =) I'm glad that light bulb came on for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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