Re: Janeene - playing with your daughter

[Guest guest]

Janeene, the ideas Cheryl shared with you are terrific! I am a kindergarten

teacher (32 years) so I really feel I understand this age group. Besides

Cheryl's ideas, here are a couple more.

1. Most children like to build stuff--so blocks, legos, etc. can keep them

occupied for a long time. You can have her build something right next to your

couch/bed. If you have a lapboard, you could even build something with legos

with her.

2. Play alphabet games--sing the ABC song, look around the room and talk about

what sound the items begin. Make up silly rhymes--ex. a bear in a chair.

Learn as many nursery rhymes as you can. Count with her. All these things will

help her when she begins kindergarten and are really fun to do and best of all,

cost nothing.

3. Talk with her. If she watches a TV/movie because you need a break, it's not

the end of the world! We all need to stop feeling guilty for doing what we have

to do to get through the day. Turn the TV watching into something positive.

Tell her mommy was dozing and really wanted to watch the show. Can you tell me

all the things that happened? You are stretching her memory which will also pay

off down the road when she is asked to remember details in books.

If you want anymore ideas, you can email me off line--heldings@... and I

will be glad to help!

I have to go get ready for my day with my 24 5 year olds. My assistant has

called in sick so I will definitely be in the survival mode for the next 6

hours!

I am hurting so bad right now that I am going to have to play a huge mind game

with my pain.

Becky in Illinois

-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

With just the one, and her being 4, perhaps some sort of

" scrapbooking " craft? All it would take is some construction paper,

kids scissors, and a glue stick. Also, if she's in preschool, or if

there's a school supply store, talk to the teachers/clerks about what

they recommend. There are fantastic crafts that my kids' preschool

teachers come up with.

Unfortunately my kids have the attention span of gnats when it comes

to anything that's not physical activity, so I have limited ideas for

this from personal experience.

I'm eager for advice on how you all get the kids calm enough to play

these kinds of games, though. If mine don't burn off all their

energy, they don't sleep at night, and that's even worse for me. So I

wind up happy that they'll play at chik-fil-a or mcdonald's or burger

king or the park and I can sit and watch a bit more, rather than play.

That's a " good " day for us.

> Does anyone else have other ideas for free, fun things to do with a

child this age that can

> be managed from bed or the couch?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

I was judt reading about your daughter. My daughter just had a baby a told me

she wanted a girl so she could hae the same great relationship that we do.

One of the things she remembers the most and loved were the stories I told

her about my growing up and things that happened to me. She hasn't forgotten

any. Most of them had a 'moral' -like when I was 10 and went to Woolworths with

my friend and took a little dolly's dress cause my friend said it was ok. My

Mom drove me back and I gave it back to the store clerk and said I was sorry

and she said " what an honest little girl'. I was so proud i have never taken

anything again in my life.

Those are great lessons to learn and great memories.

Good luck. Cathie

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

 

You made me CRY!  Not out of sadness but out of LOVE and THANKFULNESS!  Ya know,

it's funny but no one in my " real world " life has ever made such suggestions. 

They just say " she's used to it by now, or she is resilient, don't worry,

tomorrow is another day " type of things.

 

The worst of my back issues came while I was pregnant with her and so, her life

has always been lived with the inclusion of this crappy back thing.  Sam is very

accustomed to hearing " oh honey, mommy can't do that because it will hurt my

back " .  It's funny because she only sees the scar as being the affliction and

while washing my back for me the other day, she said " hey, your back is almost

healed! "   I chuckled and said, " yes it is, on the outside but the inside is

still working on it " .  I got a little " hmmm " from her and that was that. 

 

It took her a long time to even look at that gigantic scar but at least it looks

less threatening to her now. 

 

I will put all of what you have suggested into action the next time I am in such

a state.  I do read to her a lot and she is very creative.  Much of what you

suggested we do on a daily basis but for some reason, that day I just could not

pull myself up and out of it to think of putting any of it into action. 

I LOVE the fishing idea, I am going to make a pole with some sort of a net or

" hook " on it today for when the time comes again!  Heck, I love them all even if

I do some of them already, to be reminded that those things matter is priceless!

 

And the fashion show, WOW, can't say that one crossed my mind ever.  Other than

when she did it on her own on a good day.

 

We do look out the window while I am in bed, usually in the early morning when

she is up and I just don't feel like getting out of bed yet.  I have a

" defrosting " time I go through before I can stand most days.  And she loves

that.  We look at the sky and look/listen (weather permitting for an open window

on the listen part) for sounds and try to decipher what they are.

 

She is a " get up and go " little girl so as soon as her feet hit the floor she is

on the go!

 

Very artistic and articulate my daughter is!  A step above most kids her age she

is.  So, I will put that to use.  I will insist within myself to pull the energy

that I do have on those days, instead of using it up on myself and my self pity,

and use it for her!

 

You are so right and I have to believe that I am not a failure when it comes to

my kids (or my husband for that matter). Hey, while I stated that, my husband

and I, are doing much better too. 

The dog is still here but after a while I think he saw that he is the one who

needs to step up more.  She also threw up MORE of those bags just this last

Friday and I think it freaked him out!  Perfect, no, but a step in the right

direction and that means the world to me!  I am also seeing a counselor

now, about that and many other things so, I feel good about it. 

 

To say thank you for your compassion and uplifting words just doesn't seem to

measure up to how I feel about your care but, Thank you Cheryl!

 

Sincerely,

Janeene

 

 

 

 

>Cheryl in AZ wrote:

>I feel for you.  You are NOT a failure.   But maybe we could brainstorm some

ideas of things you could do to interact with your daughter that wouldn't

involve you moving.  As long as she has your attention, she will be happy - she

doesn't need you to crawl around on the floor or run in the yard to " play. "  

[Guest guest]

,

 

I find myself laughing at your story about the attention span of gnats!  What a

terrific analogy! I have been there with my now 15 year old and I used to go

bananas trying to get her to settle long enough to finish playing the game she

begged me to play with her!

 

She is still pretty much the same only its more on finishing up her chores and

things like that.  Her friends call her " hype " sometimes.  But she suffers too. 

I could only make it to little over half of her swim meets and that bothered

her.  Also, to get in the car to take her somewhere at times can be

challenging.  It's not so much once I am in the car, it is the getting in and

getting out thing as well as having to take Sam with us everywhere. 

 

I have no help with her, most of the time, and she is my little sidekick

everywhere I go.  Once my husband gets home from work, well, then it seems a

little easier but by then " the day is gone " for Chelsey.  

 

Sam, my 4 year old, has her own art drawer full of all you suggested and

more! While she watched those videos I was graced with a handful of pictures,

cards, kitty collars and more.  My refrigerator is full this week so we have

moved on the the sides of the stove and portable dishwasher! 

 

It's not that she can't find things to do, it's the fact that I was and still

try to be a hands involved mom and I feel like I am slighting my girls, both my

15 year old and my 4 year old because I just can't seem to do the things they

wish I could do.  My 20 year old, well, obviously she is self sufficient and all

she really needs from me is an ear and sometimes some wanted advice (until I

give it to her and it's not what she wanted to hear  -giggle giggle).  

 

She also helps as much as she can but she has a full time job and a full time

social life - ahhh the envy!

 

Now as far as suggestions on helping to extend your children's attention span,

THAT I am not so sure I can help you with :-) so I will leave that one up to the

" professionals " !

 

Good Luck and Thank You for your suggestions, I am taking them all to heart and

appreciate the out reach!

 

Gentle Hugs (this Michigan weather is killing me)!

 

Janeene

 

 

---  wrote:

>With just the one, and her being 4, perhaps some sort of

" scrapbooking " craft? All it would take is some construction paper,

kids scissors, and a glue stick. Unfortunately my kids have the attention span

of gnats I'm eager for advice on how you all get the kids calm enough to play

these kinds of games, though.

[Guest guest]

There are so many things that you can do with children, when you're

not up to running around. When my kids were small, we deliberately

didn't have a television set. It made for lots of time better spent.

Even when my migraines were at their worst, I could still muddle

through with crayons, stories, etc. The kids favourite, when they were

restless, was a game of " I Spy With My Little Eye. " When the kids

were too little to spell, we spied with colours. It's a great way for

them to get to know their colours and by grade one - their letters.

I knew we were on the right track when my four year old son said, " I

spy with my little eye, something that is magenta! " lol

--

Lyndi

Janeene wrote:

>Ya know, it's funny but no one in my " real world " life has ever made such

suggestions. They just say " she's used to it by now, or she is resilient, don't

worry, tomorrow is another day " type of things.

[Guest guest]

The uncle cheryl cracked me up. My niece used to call my husband Aunt Stan.

Hope you all are getting better today.

" Sweet Goat Mama "

Carolyn Eddy

www.goattracksmagazine.com

[Guest guest]

Janeene, my 3 1/2 year old (boy) is the one I have the hardest time

with. For him, it's been one thing after another non-stop for the

past several years (crohn's was in remission while I was pregnant,

thankfully). When I was hospitalized last year I had to forcibly wean

him due to meds. He handled it well enough after I explained that

mommy's milk had turned to poison.

My daughter (6) is like your 4 year old -- very articulate and

self-sufficient. She actually " watches " her brother for me sometimes.

But he has his own issues and it's simply not fair to her. I feel as

if I'm gypping her of carefree childhood time she should have.

Do your older daughters help with the younger one?

[Guest guest]

,

 

Chelsey, my 15 year old, helps only as much as is acceptable to her.  She really

resented the fact that her place in " line " was being taken over after 11 years. 

It breaks my heart as well as angers me when I see the way she treats

most days.  It's not abusive in the manner of physical, it's emotional. 

 

Chelsey is forever nagging on her about one thing or another and then when she

does decide to play with her it always gets to the point where Sam ends up

crying. She taunts her into it and when I step in, I get the " God mom, I was

only trying to have fun with her! "   Yes and no.  She gets this little " imp "

inside her and want to see just how far she can take it and, very often, we find

out.

 

To have her watch her for a period of time so that I can do some errunds without

Sam, well, that is more stressful than actually having Sam with me.  I don't ask

much anymore and I know that was/is Chelseys goal but I don't have the energy to

try to change it.  Chelsey is one heck of a stubborn child and has her own

issues as well. 

 

With all that being said though, there are those days that she suprises me and

they are like peanut butter and jelly.  They just work but they are far and few

between.

 

Carlynn, my 20 year old, helps A LOT!  When she can, she will do what ever is

needed without resentment and absolutely adores her little sister.   The love is

defiitely reciprocated.  Sam always runs up to her and gives her the biggest

bear hug, virtually choking Carlynn!  She loves having sleepovers at " Sissy's "

and even has parted with some of her favorite toys to keep in her room at

Carlynns house. 

 

But, she works full time as an EMT and just recently put out her back trying to

get a man out of his house and has been unable to do much for the past month. It

is starting to get better but I will not put the extra burden on her or her

body.  I don't want her to be in the same position I am later in life so I am

babying her.

 

I wish you all the luck with your little man.  Your daughter is a blessing and

you are very lucky to have her willing to help with him. Have you ever asked her

how she feels about helping you with him while you are not well?  Maybe it isn't

a burden to her and knowing that it makes a difference to you is the best part. 

 

My neighbors daughter is, and always has been, the " Mother Hen " type and

absolutely thrives on helping her mom with her brother and even comes over, when

she can to help with Sam for a few hours.  She is 10 now but was 6 when she

started that!  You should have seen this child interact with an infant, it was

absolutely astonishing!  I would have trusted her to watch her by herself if it

wouldn't have been for her age.  

 

If you want to talk on a more personal level about it, feel free to e-mail me

directly. 

 

Hugs,

Janeene

 

wrote:

My daughter (6) is like your 4 year old -- very articulate and

self-sufficient.  She actually " watches " her brother for me

sometimes. But he has his own issues and it's simply not fair to her.  I feel as

if I'm gypping her of carefree childhood time she should have. 

Do your older daughters help with the younger one?

[Guest guest]

Cathie,

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story!  It is wonderful that you and your

daughter have such a close bond!  To have that is the ultimate in motherhood

isn't it!?

 

I will continue to share my stories with my girls and pray for the same outcome!

 

Funny how the way the world is can make us forget that the simple things in life

are the most important things.  This get up and GO GO GO world is tiring to the

mind body and soul!  Getting back to the basics is my goal :-)

 

Hugs,

Janeene

>Cathie wrote:

 

>I was just reading about your daughter. My daughter just had a baby a told me

she wanted a girl so she could hae the same great  relationship that we do. 

>One of the things she remembers the most and loved were the stories I told her

about my growing up and things that happened to me. She hasn'tforgotten any.

Most of them had a 'moral'

[Guest guest]

Lyndi,

 

You made me laugh at the " magenta " thing!  Yep, that's my too, always

using those big words that you have no idea how they know them! 

 

We do play " I spy with my little eye " , mostly in the car but, I have to say: " I

spy with my BIG eye " to make it anatomically correct for her! LOL!

 

Ya know, the more I read the suggestions that our wonderful family have sent,

the more I realize that I do interact with my little one.  We do just about

everything that has been suggested however, I fail to see that it matters.  She

is, as I mentioned, such a busy body that I get the idea in my head that I have

to move with her in order to make it better for her. 

 

I am down more than I am up and that bothers me when I know she also needs

physical activity to be " rounded " .  I have to count the times that I am able to

do those and settle on that. 

I wish there were more children in our area.  We live out in the boonies and

have neighbors with children, but they are gone more than they are home so play

time with them is limited. 

 

Day care and pre-school are out of the question because of finances. 

 

I will settle with the fact that she is given lots of love and is a very

accepting child, I am blessed for sure!

 

Sincerely,

Janeene

>Lyndi wrote:

>Even when my migraines were at their worst, I could still muddle

through with crayons, stories, etc. The kids favourite, when they were

restless, was a game of " I Spy With My Little Eye. "

>I knew we were on the right track when my four year old son said, " I

spy with my little eye, something that is magenta! " lol

[Guest guest]

Lyndi wrote:

> I knew we were on the right track when my four year old son said, " I

> spy with my little eye, something that is magenta! " lol

> --

> Lyndi

,

As a teacher and diagnostician, those type of games are the best to

develop critical thinking

skills.

Also, guessing letters and numbers and putting them together helps them

learn to read.

I did these games naturally and then later in my graduate work learned

people pay money

to teach kids these techniques.

I spy, What do you think, What do you know, Show me, Guess about it are

all good phrases to use

with kids.

To learn observation skills, I challenged the students to write down

everything they see on their

bus rides to school.

We were learning the life cycle and I was telling them that hawks stay

on the telephone lines

and look for mice to eat.

The next day the kids came in with all kinds of observations to include

hawks, birds, deer,

a grey heron, and other things besides the normal stop signs.

It is so rewarding watching kids faces light up when they realize all

the things they know.

So, I spy, is the greatest game for kids and can be changed to all

kinds of subjects. Bennie

>

[Guest guest]

<Have you ever asked her how she feels about helping you with him

while you are not well?  Maybe it isn't a burden to her and knowing

that it makes a difference to you is the best part.>

Janeene, Yes, I have asked her how she feels about it. She doesn't

mind most of the time, and she likes the $ every now and then. I

give her a dollar or so when she's particularly helful, and I'll

" hire " her to do it sometimes. Then there are the days that they just

can't stop fighting and it's not worth it. She needs her " me time " , too.

When was born, I was feeling great. I was healthier than I

had been in years, maybe ever. I had been able to get off of all of

my meds completely before my pregnancy. I was in remission from

crohn's the whole time I nursed her (I nursed during my second

pregnancy and tandem nursed after my son's birth). I had just 2

1/2 years later, and was fine until about 9 months or so after he was

born, so maybe I've just used up my " healthy " time to make sure that I

could birth healthy children, I don't know.

The infusion was interesting today -- I had to have several doses of

antihistamine to counteract reactions. The gastroenterologist said to

give it about 4 days to see if it's effective, and definitely to try a

couple of more rounds. *keeping fingers crossed* I'm working on

positive thinking.