brief note

[Guest guest]

Hey all,

I wanted to write everyone a brief note on how things are going.  As most of you

know, my vacation turned into a nightmare for 6 days.  My husband wanted to

drive the 4 hour trip to get me but I couldn't do this to my daughter.  It was a

4 generations vacation.  We do have 5 but, grandma couldn't come this time.

Things were said to me and actions that were unbelievable by my mom.  Where I am

from you are not allowed to stand up to a parent or smart talk  in any way.  It

is consider a very dishonorable behavior.  So I do believe that is why I could

never take up for myself because I didn't know how.  I was to always stay

quite.  So in turn, how can I love myself.  If I never mattered and always felt

like I was a burden how can I develop this?  If I loved myself then I would be

conceited as my mom says.  So yes, I feel like I am just passing through, never

to accomplish much or make much out of myself.  Never to be a winner.  Just a

participator.

Maybe this is why I have such a hard time in all I do.  No wonder my heart hurts

all the time.

But here we are now, I do take up for myself.  I do say no to a lot of things. 

Everyone knows not to disturb me.  If I can do anything to help I will

volunteer.  But my mom has a way of making me feel like scum.  I am learning to

let these things roll off my back.  They are just words.

We have the baby we fostered this weekend and my grand daughter too.  It has

been nerve racking at times.  It was the baby's first birthday and the mother

didn't even want her.  She has been here since Thursday.  I tried to call her

today but, as usual, she wouldn't answer her phone.  so I will continue to keep

her until she calls.  This is mainly why I wanted to get well.   So I can take

care of these little ones.  I must.

I have a lot of catching up on to read.  I will, I just can't for now.  I

appreciate all of you, and your prayers.  

So I have shared something here that I have never mentioned to anyone.  Help me

to get where I need to be in this life before it all passes me by.

I love you all!!!!!!!!!!

Carol B.

[Guest guest]

Joanne, I haven't a car to take myself anywhere.  We have my husbands company

car that I am not allowed to drive.  If I ask him to take me to one of these

meetings he will be very angry with me.  He doesn't understand.  He thinks I

should just not like my family, like he doesn't like his mother.  She d acts

like she has one child when she has four, he thinks.  He cannot change her, if

he would only forgive her and accept her as she is maybe he would be so much

better off.  And then he wouldn't be angry with my family.  I can't get

through to him that my family is what it is.  But I choose not to be like them

or treat people or family like they do.  It is a choice.

I too, serve our mighty powerful God, and He has brought me out of some awful

situations.  He will do it again.  I don't think I can get to where I need to

be in life without someone explaining why I feel so bad on the inside.  Why all

these circumstances have taken such a toll on me.  Why it feels like I am

chained down.  There is so much bottled up inside me, things that I will never

talk about again.  Because the past few times I have, my answer was, " You know

this wasn't your fault " .  Well, heck yeah I know it wasn't my fault.  But I

was there and I was the victim.

So know I wonder how I can help heal the body when the mind is ill too.  I know

God will lead me to the right people, just like He led me here.

I still have the baby and she is asleep right now.  I called her mother but she

still isn't returning my calls.  So when I take her home is when I am going to

read everything you have been posting.  I have skimmed over them and flagged

them so I know to read more slowly and look at the links too.

I am so tired of these up and downs.

Look forward to chatting some more with you.  Take care lady!!!

Carol B.

________________________________

To: " fibromyalgiacured " <fibromyalgiacured >

Sent: Monday, September 5, 2011 10:05 AM

Subject: Re: brief note

 

Carol

 

I am in the library right now and they are about to throw us out but I will type

hear as long as I can do.

 

There is much, indeed a very lot I can share hear on this board regarding all

the good therapy I have had that has helped me get well

 

I have had some very bad therapy too and when i get time I will try to show you

how to identify the difference

 

The good therapy I have had has come from the 12 step groups which is why i

always encourage folk to attend these meetings. The meetings are very informal

and you do not even give your sir name. They are anonymous, but to be honest if

you most definately do not want anybody knowing you attend these meetings it is

better if you can to attend one a little away from where you live

 

Anyway, when i went to my first meetings I could clearly see I was ill. I could

see that my illness was not just physical, I could see that their was something

psychological and spiritual going on with me, but I just could not understand

how on earth I could sort this out

 

I was tired, exhausted even, and I had for many many years put tonnes of effort

into sorting my relationships with my mom, my dad my sister etc. And it was not

just my relationships that were disfunctional. At that time I was homeless,

jobless. moneyless and my husband was in intensive care from a brain heamorhage,

my children who were both bright and intelligent children were trying hard to

revise for their exams but there was so much going on, I could not help them and

I felt very ashmed, and bitter. Bitter because my family who I had given up so

much for were too busy getting drunk and laughing in my face at my dilemma

 

Oh I could go on and on about all this, it was an absolutely unbelieve able

situation. These folk at Alanon were so kindly trying to help me, but me I

literally beleived I would soon die. And frankly I sometimes wonder how I did

not. And that is no exageration!!!

 

When i attended these meetings I thought they were going to tell me how to help

my mom give up drinking, but no they kept saying, its not about her its about

you. WHAT I would scream are you kidding she is a flaming nut case. And off I

would go explaining to them how there was no way any of this was my fault. I had

worn myself into the ground trying to deal with her ever changing moods ever

changing demands, and not just her, I had put up with so much crap from my

siblings, oh no I said, do not try to pin this on me. It is not my fault these

lunatics are so self obsessed and have no compasion. And generally this is how

the conversations went for a long long time

 

I was in a mess Carol, a very very bad mess. I was in such a mess I had lost

almost everything I had and I had also lost contact with myself

 

Even though it was very hardm, especially with my husband being so poorly and me

having to sort us out a place to live and all that I continued to attend the

meetings. some of the folk annoyed me with their 'but its not about them its

about us' statements and stuff like that' but i carried on going anyway. You see

each time i shared my story something magical was going on in me. something was

shifting. In those days I could not see what that thing was but now i am well I

can see what that thing is.

 

I no longer subject my soul to my parents rule over me, I now have one ruler and

that is God.

 

Do not get me wrong I can fall back into that way of thinking and I can still be

affected by my parents occasionally, but now that I have grown in the spirit and

now that I have realised just how precious I really am to my father in heaven I

no longer analyse my life in the context of what I was brought up with

 

I now have a new life and a new family too. I have in my spiritual life been

adopted into Gods family. At first this was just something I said, but as I have

grown in the spirit this adoption if you like is actually very real. So real

that it is my complete and utter truth

 

I am of course in the world still related to my parents and daily I deal with

this, but I have given up and ideas i once had that they might change and our

relationships might change

 

I changed. I changed when I handed my whole life over to God and when I gave up

the things I beleived I needed to mend my broken heart. My family could not mend

my broken heart, they have broken hearts of their own. But Jesus Christ can mend

my heart and I know he can because he has

 

Carol. I am so different now. So much more content and so much more free. But

listen, I needed a lot of help to get here

 

When I get more time I will explain better how this transformation occured and I

will explain to you better what my freinds at Alanon actually meant when they

said, 'It is not about them it is about us ' LOL

 

Bye for now

 

Joanne

To: " fibromyalgiacured " <fibromyalgiacured >

Sent: Monday, 5 September 2011, 3:05

Subject: brief note

 

Hey all,

I wanted to write everyone a brief note on how things are going.  As most of

you know, my vacation turned into a nightmare for 6 days.  My husband wanted to

drive the 4 hour trip to get me but I couldn't do this to my daughter.  It was

a 4 generations vacation.  We do have 5 but, grandma couldn't come this time.

Things were said to me and actions that were unbelievable by my mom.  Where I

am from you are not allowed to stand up to a parent or smart talk  in any

way.  It is consider a very dishonorable behavior.  So I do believe that is

why I could never take up for myself because I didn't know how.  I was to

always stay quite.  So in turn, how can I love myself.  If I never mattered

and always felt like I was a burden how can I develop this?  If I loved myself

then I would be conceited as my mom says.  So yes, I feel like I am just

passing through, never to accomplish much or make much out of myself.  Never to

be a winner.  Just a participator.

Maybe this is why I have such a hard time in all I do.  No wonder my heart

hurts all the time.

But here we are now, I do take up for myself.  I do say no to a lot of

things.  Everyone knows not to disturb me.  If I can do anything to help I

will volunteer.  But my mom has a way of making me feel like scum.  I am

learning to let these things roll off my back.  They are just words.

We have the baby we fostered this weekend and my grand daughter too.  It has

been nerve racking at times.  It was the baby's first birthday and the mother

didn't even want her.  She has been here since Thursday.  I tried to call her

today but, as usual, she wouldn't answer her phone.  so I will continue to keep

her until she calls.  This is mainly why I wanted to get well.   So I can

take care of these little ones.  I must.

I have a lot of catching up on to read.  I will, I just can't for now.  I

appreciate all of you, and your prayers.  

So I have shared something here that I have never mentioned to anyone.  Help me

to get where I need to be in this life before it all passes me by.

I love you all!!!!!!!!!!

Carol B.