Re Behaviours...

[Guest guest]

Janet wrote:

> At home, he is very difficult to handle. In the morning I have to ride him

> constantly to get dressed (lately he has refused and I have to do it for

> him), get his glasses and hearing aids on, and eat breakfast before the bus

> comes. When he decides he doesn't want to do something he just refuses. If

> he gets a timeout or has something taken away, he may throw a tantrum, but

> otherwise it doesn't seem to have an effect on him, and certainly doesn't do

> anything to stop him from acting up again. I have thought about doing a

> chart but am not sure if he has the ability to grasp it. He doesn't seem to

> be able to grasp the concept of consequences for his actions.

>

> At church, he'll misbehave, you take him out, and he cries, " I'll behave " ,

> and when you go back, he does the same thing again. I am usually very

> specific with him about what it is that I want him to do (be quiet, stop

> whatever it is he is doing, so I think he does know what is expected of him.)

> Does this sound like impulsive behavior, or what?

>

We have had to employ an extreme response to this sort of behaviour with

our son when he was 11; last year he was being just plain

awful! Like your son, it seemed he wanted to push the edge of our

patience (and his teachers) with every little thing...not doing his

homework, shutting down in class when he didn't like the lesson, not

cleaning his room, doing his chores, etc. What was worse was our family

was planning a vacation to Disneyland as well.

What my husband and I did, was devise an easy to understand chart. Each

time he screwed up in school or at home, he got an " X " on the chart. No

points, no maybe's, just an " X " . And there was no discussion about it,

either. He couldn't explain them away, and they couldn't be erased. Once

he received 20 X's, there was no trip to Disneyland for him. We were not

trying to set him up for a fall...these trangressions were for everyday

things he knew he was supposed to handle and act appropriately.

Unfortunately, he reached his 20th x in the space of three weeks. And

true to our word, my younger son and I flew to Anaheim; stayed

home with his father.

Don't get me wrong...it was really hard to tell him he couldn't go to

the " Happiest Place on Earth. " It didn't help matters, either, when my

parents told me I was basically " killing my son " by not allowing him to

go to Dizzyland (swear to gawd, that's how they put it). And in the two

weeks' time between that fateful 20th X and when our flight left,

was an absolute angel, believing he could make up for the past.

Still, he did not get to go.

Now, a year later, I still have problems with his behaviour...we're

going thru a FBA right now, as a matter of fact. He has developed a lot

of issues with socialization now that he is in the 6th grade. But there

have been times when I've reminded him that he did not get to go to

Disneyland, and it could happen again, and that experience has turned

around some potentially bad behaviours and reminded him to make the

correct choices.

Sometimes you just have to pull all the stops out and actually DO what

you threaten your kids with. It wasn't easy on all of us to tell

he blew his chance at Disneyland, but I'd do it again if the

situation warranted it.

-Kim in NV