Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

[Guest guest]

Thank you Darling, but Darling who? I am so sorry I don't know addresses.

I do know names. I just can't remember who goes with which address. I so

very much appreciate your loving comments.

Yes, he was hurting, and rightly so. I wouldn't want to be subjected to

getting used to a new place and new people. They did try to help him feel

welcome. And, he loved his bed.

I am just glad he let me know how he felt before he got there. We will do

all we can to make him feel loved and at home.

I felt bad for him as a woman across the hall hollered in pain for hours

yesterday, and I wanted to crawl under the covers with Don and shut her out.

We closed the door for all the good that did. I thought that being at the

end of the hall things would be quiet for him. Not so. He wasn't quite at

the end of the hall, and was right across from her.

I wanted to bring him right back home. So yes, my heart bleeds for him,

yet I had to shut it out and relax or I would be in dire trouble with a

stroke or something.

I know you told me who you are. I went through my whole address book, and

since I didn't put your address in the name section, I still don't

remember who your address goes to. I am so terribly sorry.

Love a lot,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/22/2010 7:13:30 P.M. Central Standard Time,

stim@... writes:

Oh Dear Imogene, isn't it amazing how even in the stage Don is at, he can

somehow understand the ramifications of his behaviour? This is such an

unpredictable journey. One has to feel very sorry for him and the depth of

feelings that caused his rage. I am so relieved that you are now safe, able

to share. I wish for you to recover well, heal and enjoy Don in his new

home.

Love to you both

[Guest guest]

Dear Imogene,

It's wonderful to see you posting again.  You seem a lot more at ease, and

relaxed! Your lunch sounded delicious, too!!!!  I hope that Don is making a

good adjustment to his new digs.

Sending love from very rainy NY,

Helene

Subject: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 6:00 PM

 

Hey Darling HIS Sherry, I started this letter, and ran out of fuel. I

needed to go to bed and recharge, then later I got up and still didn't get to

it. But, my dear friend,

I am very pleased that you wrote, and thank you so much for your cheering

me on with good wishes.

I stayed home today, as it has been raining, and I needed to catch up on a

huge laundry, and a ton of other things.

came and we packed up some things to take to Don. She is a darling,

and

cares very much for Don, and wants to do all she can to see to his

happiness. I am so deeply glad and thankful for her.

For a change I ate lunch the way I wanted to. Thinly sliced Zucchini

squash with a dab of ranch dressing on it. Avocado, Tomato and banana. It was a

delicious plate.

I hope to do more of that.

I am happy and relaxed today. Have had the phone hanging in my ear, but

otherwise have kept busy, and just keep praying Don will do likewise.

Sherry, how is your Mother doing in the NH now? I know there were problems

when she first went in, and goodness knows you were some sick! You handled

it like a gentle pro and I so appreciated the lesson. But, really how is

she?

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/22/2010 2:38:07 P.M. Central Standard Time,

upnorthowly (DOT) net writes:

Imogene I am just so pleased that it went so smoothly, you and Don have

been

on my mind all day long!

His,

Sherry s

www.owly.net

daughter of , (mis?)diagnosed with AD in 2005, diagnosed with LBD

March

2008; in a NH, taking Aricept/Namenda, Seroquel, and Effexor for

depression.

[Guest guest]

Oh my dear Helene, I'm not relaxed tonight. I am tired mostly because Don

put me through a wringer about coming home. I couldn't get away from him.

Up and down the halls we went. He wanted to know who I was going to see, and

who was my boyfriend.

Have any of you figured out a way to get your LO off that going home nerve

wracking scene? I have endured it for years, with trying everything I can

think of and none of it has worked. He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go

for the longest time. I thought I shook him with a diversion, and looked up

from trying to keep a little old lady from going out the door with me, to

see Don ready to go out the door too. Finally a CNA took him to eat supper,

and I was able to get out the door, but the little old lady had her cane and

half her body out the door with me. I had to gently but firmly push her

back in and close the door quickly. That happened to be a side door without a

second door to automatically lock like the front door.

The poor old people gang around the door hoping to be able to slip out

when it is opened. I have never had experience with lock-down before, and it

is a never ending struggle to keep them in when the doors are cracked. If

they get out that door, then they can't get past the main door. Their monitors

will lock the door when they are within ten feet of it.

They will stop me in the halls and beg me to help them get out. It is

lock-down for that very reason. They all have dementia, and all are trying to

go somewhere, I guess home, wherever that is.

But, what can I do to get Don off my back about going home?

Love you Helene,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/23/2010 6:29:13 P.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54@... writes:

Dear Imogene,

It's wonderful to see you posting again. You seem a lot more at ease, and

relaxed! Your lunch sounded delicious, too!!!! I hope that Don is making

a good adjustment to his new digs.

Sending love from very rainy NY,

Helene

[Guest guest]

imogene,

sounds like maybe you should not use that side door, i would hate to have don or

anyone else for taht matter get out, i would feel soooo guilty if that happened

to me, and esp if they got hurt, Lord forbid. 

also some of them home is actually to teh Lord.  that is what my daddy meant

often.  hugs. sharon

Daughter of Leonard whom was diagnosed in May 2004 and died of complicatons

*blood pressure started dropping and wouldn't recover* on Sept 25, 2005. He had

bad case of Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde scenarios. He was showing hallucinations and

falling issues since prior to 1994. We moved in to take care of him Jan 19, 2003

and still live in his house. And in feb 2009, i have been diagonosed with 99%

probability of lbd.

Subject: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 11:01 PM

 

Oh my dear Helene, I'm not relaxed tonight. I am tired mostly because Don

put me through a wringer about coming home. I couldn't get away from him.

Up and down the halls we went. He wanted to know who I was going to see, and

who was my boyfriend.

Have any of you figured out a way to get your LO off that going home nerve

wracking scene? I have endured it for years, with trying everything I can

think of and none of it has worked. He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go

for the longest time. I thought I shook him with a diversion, and looked up

from trying to keep a little old lady from going out the door with me, to

see Don ready to go out the door too. Finally a CNA took him to eat supper,

and I was able to get out the door, but the little old lady had her cane and

half her body out the door with me. I had to gently but firmly push her

back in and close the door quickly. That happened to be a side door without a

second door to automatically lock like the front door.

The poor old people gang around the door hoping to be able to slip out

when it is opened. I have never had experience with lock-down before, and it

is a never ending struggle to keep them in when the doors are cracked. If

they get out that door, then they can't get past the main door. Their monitors

will lock the door when they are within ten feet of it.

They will stop me in the halls and beg me to help them get out. It is

lock-down for that very reason. They all have dementia, and all are trying to

go somewhere, I guess home, wherever that is.

But, what can I do to get Don off my back about going home?

Love you Helene,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/23/2010 6:29:13 P.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54yahoo (DOT) com writes:

Dear Imogene,

It's wonderful to see you posting again. You seem a lot more at ease, and

relaxed! Your lunch sounded delicious, too!!!! I hope that Don is making

a good adjustment to his new digs.

Sending love from very rainy NY,

Helene

[Guest guest]

Dear Imogene,

When Don talks about coming home and/or your going home, you just need to gently

divert his attention to something else. It might take a few minutes to get him

focused on something else. Mom would also ask for me to take her home - and we

were home. Sometimes I would have to divert her attention from thinking that

her parents were home waiting for her when we would get back home and making up

some story about 'Oh look, your parent left your sweater on your bed so that you

wouldn't be cold until they get home'.

Did Don not have any 'wanting to go home' issues before this? Mom was in the

early to mid stages and she would ask to go home every day at least once and

sometimes many times.

Although none of us know exactly what all of our loved ones are meaning when

they ask to go home, but it seems to be a very common phrase among the LBDers.

Perhaps it is a sense of them feeling like they don't belong where they

are...their minds are clouded and so is everyhting else around them.

Sorry, it's late and I have to get to bed because I have a sick dog and I have

to go to the dentist in the morning.

Try to think up some things that you can say/do to divert Don't attentipon when

he tells you he wants to go home.

Hugs and prayers,

Joan

>

> Oh my dear Helene, I'm not relaxed tonight. I am tired mostly because Don

> put me through a wringer about coming home. I couldn't get away from him.

> Up and down the halls we went. He wanted to know who I was going to see, and

> who was my boyfriend.

>

> Have any of you figured out a way to get your LO off that going home nerve

> wracking scene? I have endured it for years, with trying everything I can

> think of and none of it has worked. He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go

> for the longest time. I thought I shook him with a diversion, and looked up

> from trying to keep a little old lady from going out the door with me, to

> see Don ready to go out the door too. Finally a CNA took him to eat supper,

> and I was able to get out the door, but the little old lady had her cane and

> half her body out the door with me. I had to gently but firmly push her

> back in and close the door quickly. That happened to be a side door without a

> second door to automatically lock like the front door.

>

> The poor old people gang around the door hoping to be able to slip out

> when it is opened. I have never had experience with lock-down before, and it

> is a never ending struggle to keep them in when the doors are cracked. If

> they get out that door, then they can't get past the main door. Their

monitors

> will lock the door when they are within ten feet of it.

>

> They will stop me in the halls and beg me to help them get out. It is

> lock-down for that very reason. They all have dementia, and all are trying to

> go somewhere, I guess home, wherever that is.

>

> But, what can I do to get Don off my back about going home?

>

> Love you Helene,

> Imogene

>

>

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/23/2010 6:29:13 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> hgm54@... writes:

>

> Dear Imogene,

> It's wonderful to see you posting again. You seem a lot more at ease, and

> relaxed! Your lunch sounded delicious, too!!!! I hope that Don is making

> a good adjustment to his new digs.

>

> Sending love from very rainy NY,

> Helene

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Imogene,

I wish I had the answer to that one....  the only thing I can think of is to

assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe if you

don't use the " home " word,  leaving won't be as bad....

It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all those

others trying to leave.

Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER snowstorm),

Helene

Subject: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Thursday, February 25, 2010, 12:01 AM

 

Oh my dear Helene, I'm not relaxed tonight. I am tired mostly because Don

put me through a wringer about coming home. I couldn't get away from him.

Up and down the halls we went. He wanted to know who I was going to see, and

who was my boyfriend.

Have any of you figured out a way to get your LO off that going home nerve

wracking scene? I have endured it for years, with trying everything I can

think of and none of it has worked. He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go

for the longest time. I thought I shook him with a diversion, and looked up

from trying to keep a little old lady from going out the door with me, to

see Don ready to go out the door too. Finally a CNA took him to eat supper,

and I was able to get out the door, but the little old lady had her cane and

half her body out the door with me. I had to gently but firmly push her

back in and close the door quickly. That happened to be a side door without a

second door to automatically lock like the front door.

The poor old people gang around the door hoping to be able to slip out

when it is opened. I have never had experience with lock-down before, and it

is a never ending struggle to keep them in when the doors are cracked. If

they get out that door, then they can't get past the main door. Their monitors

will lock the door when they are within ten feet of it.

They will stop me in the halls and beg me to help them get out. It is

lock-down for that very reason. They all have dementia, and all are trying to

go somewhere, I guess home, wherever that is.

But, what can I do to get Don off my back about going home?

Love you Helene,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/23/2010 6:29:13 P.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54yahoo (DOT) com writes:

Dear Imogene,

It's wonderful to see you posting again. You seem a lot more at ease, and

relaxed! Your lunch sounded delicious, too!!!! I hope that Don is making

a good adjustment to his new digs.

Sending love from very rainy NY,

Helene

[Guest guest]

That is a good idea , Sharon, That side door is a bummer when trying to

get out with others trying to get out with you. I was told to use it as I

have such health problems that I can't walk the hill in the front. My car was

parked a few feet from the side door.

There are people studying your every move at any of the doors. They all

want out. They are there because they all have Dementia, and all wander, and

get lost, or worse yet, hurt. If I was there, I would be allowed to come

and go because I don't have dementia. The other side of the NH is for people

that are older but don't have dementia. I would be moved to that side if

Don dies first.

Getting old is not easy as it is all down hill. We try to hang on as long

as we can, but we all know the eventuality. So, we are facing it, and

dealing with all the problems that come with it. If I am in the room with Don, I

can help comfort him. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw me

yesterday. That is how he feels about me and is always my shadow. I need to

be with him during this terrible journey he is on, just like you need

Donnie. I can't handle all the problems alone here at home. I'll give him love

and comfort, and the staff will do the work.

I have plenty of hobbies to fill my days. I learned years ago to be

creative and fill my days with interesting things. For one, I love talking to

you, and all our beloved friends here on this Site.

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/24/2010 11:15:29 P.M. Central Standard Time,

ladyandhertramp@... writes:

imogene,

sounds like maybe you should not use that side door, i would hate to have

don or anyone else for taht matter get out, i would feel soooo guilty if

that happened to me, and esp if they got hurt, Lord forbid.

also some of them home is actually to teh Lord. that is what my daddy

meant often. hugs. sharon

Daughter of Leonard whom was diagnosed in May 2004 and died of

complicatons *blood pressure started dropping and wouldn't recover* on Sept 25,

2005.

He had bad case of Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde scenarios. He was showing

hallucinations and falling issues since prior to 1994. We moved in to take care

of him

Jan 19, 2003 and still live in his house. And in feb 2009, i have been

diagonosed with 99% probability of lbd.

[Guest guest]

Sweetheart Joan, what you say is very good, and I have been trying it for

years. He is too smart for it. I have used more tactics than has

Pills, but none has worked. He knows me too well. and he is just plain too

smart. I was hoping there was something different from things we have been

using. I really appreciate your help, though. Now, perhaps you can help think

up something different. I am all ears for ideas.

Love you,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 12:50:27 A.M. Central Standard Time,

joan_croft@... writes:

Dear Imogene,

When Don talks about coming home and/or your going home, you just need to

gently divert his attention to something else. It might take a few minutes

to get him focused on something else. Mom would also ask for me to take

her home - and we were home. Sometimes I would have to divert her attention

from thinking that her parents were home waiting for her when we would get

back home and making up some story about 'Oh look, your parent left your

sweater on your bed so that you wouldn't be cold until they get home'.

Did Don not have any 'wanting to go home' issues before this? Mom was in

the early to mid stages and she would ask to go home every day at least

once and sometimes many times.

Although none of us know exactly what all of our loved ones are meaning

when they ask to go home, but it seems to be a very common phrase among the

LBDers. Perhaps it is a sense of them feeling like they don't belong where

they are...their minds are clouded and so is everyhting else around them.

Sorry, it's late and I have to get to bed because I have a sick dog and I

have to go to the dentist in the morning.

Try to think up some things that you can say/do to divert Don't attentipon

when he tells you he wants to go home.

Hugs and prayers,

Joan

[Guest guest]

Sweet Helene, It tears me up. It was so hard on me that it made me sick,

and I wasn't able to go see him at all today. Not for all the people, but

for Don. I care about all of them with tenderness, and love, but not with the

same intensity I feel for Don.

I do hope to go into the NH to live with Don. The NH loves couples

together. It lightens their load, and makes for a much calmer atmosphere for the

patients.

Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment, and will talk about taking care of

my back and then go into the NH from there. My kids will clean up our

house. That is, all the loose ends that I am not able to handle anymore, and

will close it down. Once the house is closed down, they will not have to be so

worried about us all the time.

I have always said I don't want to be a burden to my children. They should

be able to live their lives as I lived mine.

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 5:19:03 A.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54@... writes:

Dear Imogene,

I wish I had the answer to that one.... the only thing I can think of is

to assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe

if you don't use the " home " word, leaving won't be as bad....

It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all

those others trying to leave.

Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER

snowstorm),

Helene

[Guest guest]

I will keep you posted Helene, I am thinking of going to the NH, but down

deep I think the Doctor will say I am not ready for it yet. I just want

this diarrhea cured.

If it is being caused by my back then I want it fixed. Or, whatever fixed.

Love a lot,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 6:04:49 P.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54@... writes:

Dear Imogene,

I'll send up lot of prayers and good wishes for things to go well for you

tomorrow. Do keep us posted!

Love you tons,

Helene

[Guest guest]

Hi Joan, yes, dear, I am thinking it out. That is why I threw it out to

the List. There will be feed back and I can think on all of it. I will see

the Doctor tomorrow and see what is said from a medical point of view as well

as from our friend. She told me to place Don two times. I also have other

reasons I may not go, but I am playing with all my options, and will see

what is tossed up out of the sea of wants, desires, and needs. Along with

several other things looming over my head. It is no easy choice by any means.

My heart want to be with Don, but my head is doing the walking through the

maze of life.

I have children, and some are more than willing to take me in by offering

their homes for me when the time comes. But, I don't want to live with my

children. They have their own families, and I feel it is selfish on my part

to load them down with the burden of caring for me. I can be just as happy

in a NH.

I am a very adaptable person.

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 6:39:36 P.M. Central Standard Time,

joan_croft@... writes:

Hi Imogene,

I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

admitted to the nursing home.

I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that

she didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have

some say in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have

rather done than be there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their

parents...but as I said, I don't know your specific situation. Just remember

that once you get into the nursing home you probably won't come out, whether

Don is still there or not. So, make sure that you think things through

very clearly before you make that final decision of what to do...and talk to

your kids and let them know and perhaps you will hear things that you

didn't expect to hear. (good things, of course)

Joan

[Guest guest]

Sharon, I will be giving Don love and attention that he needs, The staff

will do the work. The place is well staffed, and one of Don's nurses has

been there 26 years, another 12 years. They seem to be a very caring group.

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 7:30:45 P.M. Central Standard Time,

ladyandhertramp@... writes:

if you are there with don, wontyou be back to taking care of him 24/7 and

isnt that what you were trying to not to do, let someone else do teh main

caregiving??? sharon

Daughter of Leonard whom was diagnosed in May 2004 and died of

complicatons *blood pressure started dropping and wouldn't recover* on Sept 25,

2005.

He had bad case of Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde scenarios. He was showing

hallucinations and falling issues since prior to 1994. We moved in to take care

of him

Jan 19, 2003 and still live in his house. And in feb 2009, i have been

diagonosed with 99% probability of lbd.

[Guest guest]

Dear Imogene,

I'll send up lot of prayers and good wishes for things to go well for you

tomorrow.  Do keep us posted!

Love you tons,

Helene

Subject: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Thursday, February 25, 2010, 5:33 PM

 

Sweet Helene, It tears me up. It was so hard on me that it made me sick,

and I wasn't able to go see him at all today. Not for all the people, but

for Don. I care about all of them with tenderness, and love, but not with the

same intensity I feel for Don.

I do hope to go into the NH to live with Don. The NH loves couples

together. It lightens their load, and makes for a much calmer atmosphere for the

patients.

Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment, and will talk about taking care of

my back and then go into the NH from there. My kids will clean up our

house. That is, all the loose ends that I am not able to handle anymore, and

will close it down. Once the house is closed down, they will not have to be so

worried about us all the time.

I have always said I don't want to be a burden to my children. They should

be able to live their lives as I lived mine.

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 5:19:03 A.M. Central Standard Time,

hgm54yahoo (DOT) com writes:

Dear Imogene,

I wish I had the answer to that one.... the only thing I can think of is

to assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe

if you don't use the " home " word, leaving won't be as bad....

It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all

those others trying to leave.

Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER

snowstorm),

Helene

[Guest guest]

Hi Imogene,

I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

admitted to the nursing home.

I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that she

didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have some say

in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have rather done than be

there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their parents...but as I

said, I don't know your specific situation. Just remember that once you get into

the nursing home you probably won't come out, whether Don is still there or not.

So, make sure that you think things through very clearly before you make that

final decision of what to do...and talk to your kids and let them know and

perhaps you will hear things that you didn't expect to hear. (good things, of

course)

Joan

>

> Sweet Helene, It tears me up. It was so hard on me that it made me sick,

> and I wasn't able to go see him at all today. Not for all the people, but

> for Don. I care about all of them with tenderness, and love, but not with the

> same intensity I feel for Don.

>

> I do hope to go into the NH to live with Don. The NH loves couples

> together. It lightens their load, and makes for a much calmer atmosphere for

the

> patients.

>

> Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment, and will talk about taking care of

> my back and then go into the NH from there. My kids will clean up our

> house. That is, all the loose ends that I am not able to handle anymore, and

> will close it down. Once the house is closed down, they will not have to be so

> worried about us all the time.

>

> I have always said I don't want to be a burden to my children. They should

> be able to live their lives as I lived mine.

>

> Love you dear,

> Imogene

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/25/2010 5:19:03 A.M. Central Standard Time,

> hgm54@... writes:

>

> Dear Imogene,

> I wish I had the answer to that one.... the only thing I can think of is

> to assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe

> if you don't use the " home " word, leaving won't be as bad....

>

> It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all

> those others trying to leave.

>

> Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER

> snowstorm),

> Helene

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Imogene,

I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

admitted to the nursing home.

I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that she

didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have some say

in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have rather done than be

there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their parents...but as I

said, I don't know your specific situation. Just remember that once you get into

the nursing home you probably won't come out, whether Don is still there or not.

So, make sure that you think things through very clearly before you make that

final decision of what to do...and talk to your kids and let them know and

perhaps you will hear things that you didn't expect to hear. (good things, of

course)

Joan

>

> Sweet Helene, It tears me up. It was so hard on me that it made me sick,

> and I wasn't able to go see him at all today. Not for all the people, but

> for Don. I care about all of them with tenderness, and love, but not with the

> same intensity I feel for Don.

>

> I do hope to go into the NH to live with Don. The NH loves couples

> together. It lightens their load, and makes for a much calmer atmosphere for

the

> patients.

>

> Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment, and will talk about taking care of

> my back and then go into the NH from there. My kids will clean up our

> house. That is, all the loose ends that I am not able to handle anymore, and

> will close it down. Once the house is closed down, they will not have to be so

> worried about us all the time.

>

> I have always said I don't want to be a burden to my children. They should

> be able to live their lives as I lived mine.

>

> Love you dear,

> Imogene

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/25/2010 5:19:03 A.M. Central Standard Time,

> hgm54@... writes:

>

> Dear Imogene,

> I wish I had the answer to that one.... the only thing I can think of is

> to assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe

> if you don't use the " home " word, leaving won't be as bad....

>

> It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all

> those others trying to leave.

>

> Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER

> snowstorm),

> Helene

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Imogene

Do you plan on living in the same room or level of care that Don has or do they

have assisted living rooms that allow you to live in the same facility but

different room / section. Several of the seniors I worked with enjoyed being in

the same facility but having some down time by having their own room. It was

the best of both worlds for them. Just please remember to take care of yourself

too.

In the cycle of life what parents have given to their children comes back around

and the children can give back to them. It is more a blessing than a burden.

Hugz

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

if you are there with don, wontyou be back to taking care of him 24/7 and isnt

that what you were trying to not to do, let someone else do teh main

caregiving??? sharon

Daughter of Leonard whom was diagnosed in May 2004 and died of complicatons

*blood pressure started dropping and wouldn't recover* on Sept 25, 2005. He had

bad case of Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde scenarios. He was showing hallucinations and

falling issues since prior to 1994. We moved in to take care of him Jan 19, 2003

and still live in his house. And in feb 2009, i have been diagonosed with 99%

probability of lbd.

Subject: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Thursday, February 25, 2010, 6:28 PM

 

Hi Imogene,

I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

admitted to the nursing home.

I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that she

didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have some say

in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have rather done than be

there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their parents...but as I said,

I don't know your specific situation. Just remember that once you get into the

nursing home you probably won't come out, whether Don is still there or not. So,

make sure that you think things through very clearly before you make that final

decision of what to do...and talk to your kids and let them know and perhaps you

will hear things that you didn't expect to hear. (good things, of course)

Joan

>

> Sweet Helene, It tears me up. It was so hard on me that it made me sick,

> and I wasn't able to go see him at all today. Not for all the people, but

> for Don. I care about all of them with tenderness, and love, but not with the

> same intensity I feel for Don.

>

> I do hope to go into the NH to live with Don. The NH loves couples

> together. It lightens their load, and makes for a much calmer atmosphere for

the

> patients.

>

> Tomorrow, I have a doctor appointment, and will talk about taking care of

> my back and then go into the NH from there. My kids will clean up our

> house. That is, all the loose ends that I am not able to handle anymore, and

> will close it down. Once the house is closed down, they will not have to be so

> worried about us all the time.

>

> I have always said I don't want to be a burden to my children. They should

> be able to live their lives as I lived mine.

>

> Love you dear,

> Imogene

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/25/2010 5:19:03 A.M. Central Standard Time,

> hgm54@... writes:

>

> Dear Imogene,

> I wish I had the answer to that one.... the only thing I can think of is

> to assure him that you'll be back " later " to check up on him.... and maybe

> if you don't use the " home " word, leaving won't be as bad....

>

> It must have been heartbreaking leaving - to leave Don, and to see all

> those others trying to leave.

>

> Sending you strength and hugs from NY (where we are due for ANOTHER

> snowstorm),

> Helene

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i was more than happy to take care of my daddy as he was more comfortable that

way and we were in thr process fo tryig to bring him home wehn he left us. he

knew it would be too much for me to take care of him in the condition he was in

..  but i am sooo glad i had the opportunity to take care of daddy as long as i

did and would do it again but with a few minor changes, if i had choice/chance

to do again.  so pelase dont cut your kids out because of what can be portrayed

as your selfishness.  just a thought. sharon

Daughter of Leonard whom was diagnosed in May 2004 and died of complicatons

*blood pressure started dropping and wouldn't recover* on Sept 25, 2005. He had

bad case of Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde scenarios. He was showing hallucinations and

falling issues since prior to 1994. We moved in to take care of him Jan 19, 2003

and still live in his house. And in feb 2009, i have been diagonosed with 99%

probability of lbd.

Subject: Re: Re: Don will go in the NH Monday at 11 A.M.

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Thursday, February 25, 2010, 8:50 PM

 

Hi Joan, yes, dear, I am thinking it out. That is why I threw it out to

the List. There will be feed back and I can think on all of it. I will see

the Doctor tomorrow and see what is said from a medical point of view as well

as from our friend. She told me to place Don two times. I also have other

reasons I may not go, but I am playing with all my options, and will see

what is tossed up out of the sea of wants, desires, and needs. Along with

several other things looming over my head. It is no easy choice by any means.

My heart want to be with Don, but my head is doing the walking through the

maze of life.

I have children, and some are more than willing to take me in by offering

their homes for me when the time comes. But, I don't want to live with my

children. They have their own families, and I feel it is selfish on my part

to load them down with the burden of caring for me. I can be just as happy

in a NH.

I am a very adaptable person.

Love you dear,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 6:39:36 P.M. Central Standard Time,

joan_crofthotmail (DOT) com writes:

Hi Imogene,

I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

admitted to the nursing home.

I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that

she didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have

some say in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have

rather done than be there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their

parents...but as I said, I don't know your specific situation. Just remember

that once you get into the nursing home you probably won't come out, whether

Don is still there or not. So, make sure that you think things through

very clearly before you make that final decision of what to do...and talk to

your kids and let them know and perhaps you will hear things that you

didn't expect to hear. (good things, of course)

Joan

[Guest guest]

Dear Imogene,

I am posting this reply from my heart...so please think about this.

As a child of my mother, I am so glad that I was able to spend time with her, to

have her at home with me, and to have all those special memories to share.

From your grandchildren's perspective, just think of how enriching it would be

for those children to be able to spend time with you every day. You have so

much to share with them...

I am only thinking that you need to listen and seriously consider any offers

that you have from your children and/or grandchildren. Just as you wanted to

spend as much time as you could with Don before he had to go to a nursing home,

don't you think that your children really would like to have that extra time

with you. Just take the proper amount of time and consideration, because you

might be robbing them of some very precious days and memories if you make this

decision on your own and don't consider, or at least talk it out with them, the

offers that they present to you.

It is not selfish on your part to go live with them if they want you to come

live with them, but it may be selfish of you to deny them what they want if they

really want you there with them.

Straight from the heart of a loving daughter,

Joan

>

> Hi Joan, yes, dear, I am thinking it out. That is why I threw it out to

> the List. There will be feed back and I can think on all of it. I will see

> the Doctor tomorrow and see what is said from a medical point of view as well

> as from our friend. She told me to place Don two times. I also have other

> reasons I may not go, but I am playing with all my options, and will see

> what is tossed up out of the sea of wants, desires, and needs. Along with

> several other things looming over my head. It is no easy choice by any means.

> My heart want to be with Don, but my head is doing the walking through the

> maze of life.

>

> I have children, and some are more than willing to take me in by offering

> their homes for me when the time comes. But, I don't want to live with my

> children. They have their own families, and I feel it is selfish on my part

> to load them down with the burden of caring for me. I can be just as happy

> in a NH.

> I am a very adaptable person.

>

> Love you dear,

> Imogene

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/25/2010 6:39:36 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> joan_croft@... writes:

>

> Hi Imogene,

> I think it is great that you can be in the same room with Don if you are

> admitted to the nursing home.

>

> I don't know your family, but one thing that Mom would always say is that

> she didn't want to be a burden on me. However, I (and your children) have

> some say in what they want to do. There is nothing that I would have

> rather done than be there for Mom. Some children want to be there for their

> parents...but as I said, I don't know your specific situation. Just remember

> that once you get into the nursing home you probably won't come out, whether

> Don is still there or not. So, make sure that you think things through

> very clearly before you make that final decision of what to do...and talk to

> your kids and let them know and perhaps you will hear things that you

> didn't expect to hear. (good things, of course)

>

> Joan

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Marilyn, This is the latest from my Doctor. She asked my thoughts first,

then told me that my health needs to be worked on right now. She wants me to

stay home. I have asked a lot of questions, to everyone I know, and have

said, " My heart wants to be with him, but my mind says take your time on this

one. " The Doctor carried the weight, and she was the one that I really

should have asked in the first place. My children won't tell me I told you

so, thank goodness. I wanted to be with him so bad I cried inside all the

time, but I have to get over it. I have to give others his care.

All the ramifications have been tossing around in my mind trying to figure

out how I could do it, and whether it was a good choice. That nagging

voice in me was finally answered today. " You don't have the health for it, " from

my good Doctor.

Shoot I always think I can do anything. It hurts that I can't.

Love you all with a warm heart,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/25/2010 9:20:51 P.M. Central Standard Time,

marilynkcgw@... writes:

Imogene

Do you plan on living in the same room or level of care that Don has or do

they have assisted living rooms that allow you to live in the same

facility but different room / section. Several of the seniors I worked with

enjoyed being in the same facility but having some down time by having their

own

room. It was the best of both worlds for them. Just please remember to

take care of yourself too.

In the cycle of life what parents have given to their children comes back

around and the children can give back to them. It is more a blessing than

a burden.

Hugz

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

Darling Sherry in Colorado, How do I answer such a loving insightful

letter? First,

I am sure by now you have read that I will not be going to the NH with

Don. The Doctor settled that for me today.

Yes, I always think I can do it, whatever " it " is. I tend to be a more

positive person, and never know my limits.

The Doctor told me today that she has been watching me going down for the

past few months, and I must take a rest.

One thing though that seems to escape my children, is that I have been the

one trying to place him in a suitable NH. This is the fourth NH. I did

realize down deep somewhere that I couldn't handle anymore.

Darling I am not mad at you. How could I be? You are such a sweetheart and

are trying to save me before I completely fall. That is real love. And I

Thank you.

The matter of fact way of talking to Don was very early in his disease. I

don't do that now. I did tell him I was at the Doctor's today, and had to

go back for test.

I may say to the list that I have to go home, but I sure don't say that to

Don. Home is a " no " word.

I wrote the following to Don's cousin;

We placed our beloved Don in a lock down facility near our house, on

Monday. Tuesday I couldn't visit, because I was totally exhausted. Wednesday he

lit up like a Christmas Tree, when I did visit. Again yesterday I was not

able to go to see him. But, today, I did. He was lethargic, would hardly eat,

and hardly acknowledged my presence. I fed him some and then he said he

was full. I took him to bed, and he was asleep before I could kiss him. His

state left me feeling very bad for him. I saw him go downhill from a hearty

eater and walking, to barely being able to stand and not eating in less

than a week. I think depression has hit him big time. I so very much wish I

could do something for him.

I had gone to the doctor, and was a bit late for lunch. Lunch? Ugh!!! Dry

Mac and cheese with no salt. A glob of very mushy zucchini Squash, and a

piece of plain cake with a dab of Cool Whip on it. I wonder if a hog would

have eaten it? The first NH sure did spoil me. They made delicious meals every

day.

Love you dear, and don't fret when you want to rescue me. I asked for input

and you did so very lovingly.

Your old long lanky (but fat) Friend In Texas

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/26/2010 4:57:16 P.M. Central Standard Time,

salozier@... writes:

Hello Imogene,

Sorry I have not written but I have been down with illness and just did

not have the energy to use the computer. I have tried to catch up on what

you and everyone else are doing.

First let me say that I am so happy that Don is in the NH, for both of

you! You have been caregiving non-stop for a very long time and you and I

both know the toll that takes on our bodies. I too refused to admit that I

was not " Super Woman " and could do it all. I see myself in you over and

over, always the caregiver, always wanting to make everything right, always

looking at how much more you can give and shutting your eyes to your own

needs. Yes I know you will tell me that you are taking care of yourself, I

would have told you that last Oct and Nov about me. That is just who we are,

period. And yes everyone around me told me I was going down, hitting the

wall, or what ever they say. Well they were right, I was wrong. My only

saving grace was the heartbreak that my Don died. Kind of makes me feel like

that movie " Sofie's Choice " (sp). Where she had to pick which of her two

children would live and die at hollocost camp.

What has this all got to do with you Dear Lady, well (and I am crying as I

write this!) please, please, please lissen to those telling you that

others can help Don, you do deserve to take care of yourself, and we all love

you so much and don't want to suddenly have to deal with your death. So

there I have said out loud what a lot of us have been thinking and I hope you

are not mad at me but if you are I can take it because I care about you.

I read your words to someone else about stating to Don in a mater of fact

way that you were going to work on the computer and that he seemed to

accept that. Well how about (and no I don't know that this will work) stating

mater of fact that " I have an appointment that I have to go to alone. I

will be back to see you soon. " It is not a lie, your appointment is to go

home and take care of yourself!

Ok, I have had my say. Please believe me that every word was written with

love and caring. I so seldom posted when my Don was alive as I did not

have your strong and entergetic ability. But now that I have rested, I am

trying to give back to the group and to you. Your posts often kept me going

when I was at my lowest.

Lots of love and hugs,

Sherry in Colorado

[Guest guest]

Hello Imogene,

Sorry I have not written but I have been down with illness and just did not have

the energy to use the computer. I have tried to catch up on what you and

everyone else are doing.

First let me say that I am so happy that Don is in the NH, for both of you! You

have been caregiving non-stop for a very long time and you and I both know the

toll that takes on our bodies. I too refused to admit that I was not " Super

Woman " and could do it all. I see myself in you over and over, always the

caregiver, always wanting to make everything right, always looking at how much

more you can give and shutting your eyes to your own needs. Yes I know you will

tell me that you are taking care of yourself, I would have told you that last

Oct and Nov about me. That is just who we are, period. And yes everyone around

me told me I was going down, hitting the wall, or what ever they say. Well they

were right, I was wrong. My only saving grace was the heartbreak that my Don

died. Kind of makes me feel like that movie " Sofie's Choice " (sp). Where she

had to pick which of her two children would live and die at hollocost camp.

What has this all got to do with you Dear Lady, well (and I am crying as I write

this!) please, please, please lissen to those telling you that others can help

Don, you do deserve to take care of yourself, and we all love you so much and

don't want to suddenly have to deal with your death. So there I have said out

loud what a lot of us have been thinking and I hope you are not mad at me but if

you are I can take it because I care about you.

I read your words to someone else about stating to Don in a mater of fact way

that you were going to work on the computer and that he seemed to accept that.

Well how about (and no I don't know that this will work) stating mater of fact

that " I have an appointment that I have to go to alone. I will be back to see

you soon. " It is not a lie, your appointment is to go home and take care of

yourself!

Ok, I have had my say. Please believe me that every word was written with love

and caring. I so seldom posted when my Don was alive as I did not have your

strong and entergetic ability. But now that I have rested, I am trying to give

back to the group and to you. Your posts often kept me going when I was at my

lowest.

Lots of love and hugs,

Sherry in Colorado

>

> I will keep you posted Helene, I am thinking of going to the NH, but down

> deep I think the Doctor will say I am not ready for it yet. I just want

> this diarrhea cured.

> If it is being caused by my back then I want it fixed. Or, whatever fixed.

> Love a lot,

> Imogene

>

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/25/2010 6:04:49 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> hgm54@... writes:

>

> Dear Imogene,

> I'll send up lot of prayers and good wishes for things to go well for you

> tomorrow. Do keep us posted!

> Love you tons,

> Helene

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Imogene you are such a find lady,

I am so glad that you understood where I was coming from because you and others

on this board really did save me so many times over the last 3 years. I would

sit and read and gain strength and feel I should write but did not have it in me

and really could not even think what to write. But the post here gave me

information, had me laughing at times and crying at other times but most of all

I had a wonderful group of people who understood what I was going through and

would stand by me no matter what. I so want to give back to those still here

and the ones to follow so I will post when I can and continue to read.

I seem to be crying today. I cried when I wrote you because I do care so much

about you and I cried at your answer because you understood and I guess I am

just being a big cry baby today but that is ok too. I hate what you are having

to go through and I hate that poor Don has to fight with old man Lewy (Lewy

really is a mean and cruel old man!!). But you letter to me " sounded " somehow

stronger and more the lovey dear lady I have " heard " in the post over these

years. Thank you for being there and I so hope that in some small way I have

been there for you.

Tonights cry baby in Colorado

LOL LOL

Sherry in Colorado

>

> Darling Sherry in Colorado, How do I answer such a loving insightful

> letter? First,

> I am sure by now you have read that I will not be going to the NH with

> Don. The Doctor settled that for me today.

>

> Yes, I always think I can do it, whatever " it " is. I tend to be a more

> positive person, and never know my limits.

>

> The Doctor told me today that she has been watching me going down for the

> past few months, and I must take a rest.

>

> One thing though that seems to escape my children, is that I have been the

> one trying to place him in a suitable NH. This is the fourth NH. I did

> realize down deep somewhere that I couldn't handle anymore.

>

> Darling I am not mad at you. How could I be? You are such a sweetheart and

> are trying to save me before I completely fall. That is real love. And I

> Thank you.

>

> The matter of fact way of talking to Don was very early in his disease. I

> don't do that now. I did tell him I was at the Doctor's today, and had to

> go back for test.

> I may say to the list that I have to go home, but I sure don't say that to

> Don. Home is a " no " word.

>

> I wrote the following to Don's cousin;

>

> We placed our beloved Don in a lock down facility near our house, on

> Monday. Tuesday I couldn't visit, because I was totally exhausted. Wednesday

he

> lit up like a Christmas Tree, when I did visit. Again yesterday I was not

> able to go to see him. But, today, I did. He was lethargic, would hardly eat,

> and hardly acknowledged my presence. I fed him some and then he said he

> was full. I took him to bed, and he was asleep before I could kiss him. His

> state left me feeling very bad for him. I saw him go downhill from a hearty

> eater and walking, to barely being able to stand and not eating in less

> than a week. I think depression has hit him big time. I so very much wish I

> could do something for him.

>

> I had gone to the doctor, and was a bit late for lunch. Lunch? Ugh!!! Dry

> Mac and cheese with no salt. A glob of very mushy zucchini Squash, and a

> piece of plain cake with a dab of Cool Whip on it. I wonder if a hog would

> have eaten it? The first NH sure did spoil me. They made delicious meals every

> day.

>

> Love you dear, and don't fret when you want to rescue me. I asked for input

> and you did so very lovingly.

>

> Your old long lanky (but fat) Friend In Texas

> Imogene

>

>

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/26/2010 4:57:16 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> salozier@... writes:

>

> Hello Imogene,

>

> Sorry I have not written but I have been down with illness and just did

> not have the energy to use the computer. I have tried to catch up on what

> you and everyone else are doing.

>

> First let me say that I am so happy that Don is in the NH, for both of

> you! You have been caregiving non-stop for a very long time and you and I

> both know the toll that takes on our bodies. I too refused to admit that I

> was not " Super Woman " and could do it all. I see myself in you over and

> over, always the caregiver, always wanting to make everything right, always

> looking at how much more you can give and shutting your eyes to your own

> needs. Yes I know you will tell me that you are taking care of yourself, I

> would have told you that last Oct and Nov about me. That is just who we are,

> period. And yes everyone around me told me I was going down, hitting the

> wall, or what ever they say. Well they were right, I was wrong. My only

> saving grace was the heartbreak that my Don died. Kind of makes me feel like

> that movie " Sofie's Choice " (sp). Where she had to pick which of her two

> children would live and die at hollocost camp.

>

> What has this all got to do with you Dear Lady, well (and I am crying as I

> write this!) please, please, please lissen to those telling you that

> others can help Don, you do deserve to take care of yourself, and we all love

> you so much and don't want to suddenly have to deal with your death. So

> there I have said out loud what a lot of us have been thinking and I hope you

> are not mad at me but if you are I can take it because I care about you.

>

> I read your words to someone else about stating to Don in a mater of fact

> way that you were going to work on the computer and that he seemed to

> accept that. Well how about (and no I don't know that this will work)

stating

> mater of fact that " I have an appointment that I have to go to alone. I

> will be back to see you soon. " It is not a lie, your appointment is to go

> home and take care of yourself!

>

> Ok, I have had my say. Please believe me that every word was written with

> love and caring. I so seldom posted when my Don was alive as I did not

> have your strong and entergetic ability. But now that I have rested, I am

> trying to give back to the group and to you. Your posts often kept me going

> when I was at my lowest.

>

> Lots of love and hugs,

> Sherry in Colorado

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry, I hope the sun is shining for you today. It is fine to cry,

but it is also good to feel the sun on your skin when you get a chance. If

nothing more, I sit in a sunny window.

You have made a new home, and lost your dear husband in a very short time.

You have big time adjustments. So just let your hair down just like you

have done, and then find something soothing just for you. A long warm bath

may do the trick. And dear in the mean time I do hope you feel my arms wrapped

around you in cyber space.

I will be in your position in the not too distant future. So, I do hope

you are here for me too. For now I will tell you my most recent saga.

This morning at about 6:30 AM the nursing home called and said, " Come and

take your husband home. He went into another patient's room, picked up her

cane and was swinging it around. It scared her half to death. She was

screaming to the top of her lungs. We can't have any of that. "

When I went to the NH I had no coffee and no breakfast, but that was

alright. It was cold and my car was cold. When I went in all his stuff was

neatly stacked on his bed, and some in a bag. They wanted him out of there

yesterday! They were ready for me. A huge man put all our stuff in the car, even

two large office type chairs with wheels and a 19 " TV. My daughter went for

his wheel chair, and pillow, that had already been given to another

patient, but she got it.

He was tickled pink to be home, but promptly went to sleep. After lunch he

was on the toilet and couldn't 'go " . He is constipated big time. I might

have known. I used a suppository. He still couldn't go, and I told him I had

forgotten one of his medications at lunch. That was because he was

argumentative, and agitated with me for no cause at all. My daughter said he was

a

little agitated with me at the table, because I gave him half my biscuit. I

didn't catch that, but in the bathroom he said I didn't love him and I

could just go off and do what I wanted to. Perhaps he was still upset because

I placed him in a NH with constant hollering, and other noises.

Anyway, here I am. After four tries with NHs, I will have it full time. I

had and here making a good lunch, and unloading the cars, but

what about tonight when he still has to go to the bathroom? That does

upset me that he was allowed to get in that fix.

The nurse told me I need a big man here at night for our own safety. I

can't afford it, and the Gov won't pay for that. If I lock him in his room, I

have to pay later. Locking him in the house is enough. He needs to walk

around and carry stacks of small books and papers along with a hairbrush, and

what ever else he can pick up.

I am exhausted so I am sure I won't be able to write so much anymore for a

while, anyway.

So dear Sherry, We will hold each other up until things are better for

both of us, all right? And I hope to read all of our beloved friends

continuing to do as they have done. Reach out and help each other. I appreciate

that

more than anyone can know.

Love you all, And wish some sunshine for you today, Sherry,

Imogene

Love with a smile,

Imogene

Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with AD

in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

Yours Truly

In a message dated 2/26/2010 11:50:18 P.M. Central Standard Time,

salozier@... writes:

Oh Imogene you are such a find lady,

I am so glad that you understood where I was coming from because you and

others on this board really did save me so many times over the last 3 years.

I would sit and read and gain strength and feel I should write but did

not have it in me and really could not even think what to write. But the

post here gave me information, had me laughing at times and crying at other

times but most of all I had a wonderful group of people who understood what I

was going through and would stand by me no matter what. I so want to give

back to those still here and the ones to follow so I will post when I can

and continue to read.

I seem to be crying today. I cried when I wrote you because I do care so

much about you and I cried at your answer because you understood and I

guess I am just being a big cry baby today but that is ok too. I hate what you

are having to go through and I hate that poor Don has to fight with old

man Lewy (Lewy really is a mean and cruel old man!!). But you letter to me

" sounded " somehow stronger and more the lovey dear lady I have " heard " in

the post over these years. Thank you for being there and I so hope that in

some small way I have been there for you.

Tonights cry baby in Colorado

LOL LOL

Sherry in Colorado

>

> Darling Sherry in Colorado, How do I answer such a loving insightful

> letter? First,

> I am sure by now you have read that I will not be going to the NH with

> Don. The Doctor settled that for me today.

>

> Yes, I always think I can do it, whatever " it " is. I tend to be a more

> positive person, and never know my limits.

>

> The Doctor told me today that she has been watching me going down for

the

> past few months, and I must take a rest.

>

> One thing though that seems to escape my children, is that I have been

the

> one trying to place him in a suitable NH. This is the fourth NH. I did

> realize down deep somewhere that I couldn't handle anymore.

>

> Darling I am not mad at you. How could I be? You are such a sweetheart

and

> are trying to save me before I completely fall. That is real love. And

I

> Thank you.

>

> The matter of fact way of talking to Don was very early in his disease.

I

> don't do that now. I did tell him I was at the Doctor's today, and had

to

> go back for test.

> I may say to the list that I have to go home, but I sure don't say that

to

> Don. Home is a " no " word.

>

> I wrote the following to Don's cousin;

>

> We placed our beloved Don in a lock down facility near our house, on

> Monday. Tuesday I couldn't visit, because I was totally exhausted.

Wednesday he

> lit up like a Christmas Tree, when I did visit. Again yesterday I was

not

> able to go to see him. But, today, I did. He was lethargic, would hardly

eat,

> and hardly acknowledged my presence. I fed him some and then he said he

> was full. I took him to bed, and he was asleep before I could kiss him.

His

> state left me feeling very bad for him. I saw him go downhill from a

hearty

> eater and walking, to barely being able to stand and not eating in less

> than a week. I think depression has hit him big time. I so very much

wish I

> could do something for him.

>

> I had gone to the doctor, and was a bit late for lunch. Lunch? Ugh!!!

Dry

> Mac and cheese with no salt. A glob of very mushy zucchini Squash, and

a

> piece of plain cake with a dab of Cool Whip on it. I wonder if a hog

would

> have eaten it? The first NH sure did spoil me. They made delicious meals

every

> day.

>

> Love you dear, and don't fret when you want to rescue me. I asked for

input

> and you did so very lovingly.

>

> Your old long lanky (but fat) Friend In Texas

> Imogene

>

>

>

> Love with a smile,

>

> Imogene

>

> Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with

AD

> in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> Yours Truly

>

>

> In a message dated 2/26/2010 4:57:16 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> salozier@... writes:

>

> Hello Imogene,

>

> Sorry I have not written but I have been down with illness and just did

> not have the energy to use the computer. I have tried to catch up on

what

> you and everyone else are doing.

>

> First let me say that I am so happy that Don is in the NH, for both of

> you! You have been caregiving non-stop for a very long time and you

and I

> both know the toll that takes on our bodies. I too refused to admit

that I

> was not " Super Woman " and could do it all. I see myself in you over

and

> over, always the caregiver, always wanting to make everything right,

always

> looking at how much more you can give and shutting your eyes to your

own

> needs. Yes I know you will tell me that you are taking care of

yourself, I

> would have told you that last Oct and Nov about me. That is just who

we are,

> period. And yes everyone around me told me I was going down, hitting

the

> wall, or what ever they say. Well they were right, I was wrong. My

only

> saving grace was the heartbreak that my Don died. Kind of makes me

feel like

> that movie " Sofie's Choice " (sp). Where she had to pick which of her

two

> children would live and die at hollocost camp.

>

> What has this all got to do with you Dear Lady, well (and I am crying

as I

> write this!) please, please, please lissen to those telling you that

> others can help Don, you do deserve to take care of yourself, and we

all love

> you so much and don't want to suddenly have to deal with your death.

So

> there I have said out loud what a lot of us have been thinking and I

hope you

> are not mad at me but if you are I can take it because I care about you.

>

> I read your words to someone else about stating to Don in a mater of

fact

> way that you were going to work on the computer and that he seemed to

> accept that. Well how about (and no I don't know that this will work)

stating

> mater of fact that " I have an appointment that I have to go to alone.

I

> will be back to see you soon. " It is not a lie, your appointment is to

go

> home and take care of yourself!

>

> Ok, I have had my say. Please believe me that every word was written

with

> love and caring. I so seldom posted when my Don was alive as I did not

> have your strong and entergetic ability. But now that I have rested, I

am

> trying to give back to the group and to you. Your posts often kept me

going

> when I was at my lowest.

>

> Lots of love and hugs,

> Sherry in Colorado

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

------------------------------------

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Oh, Imogene!!!

I am sorry that Don has been let go from yet another nursing home.

You should be able to get the help that you need either at home or some facility

that cannot release Don.

Your doctor has told you that you cannot physically go on taking care of him.

There has to be some state or federal funds that will help you out. I know that

you would have to spend down all of your savings (if you have any) and they

can't make you sell your house as long as you live there. Years down the road,

when you are enjoying peaceful eternal life, then the agencies would get the

money that they paid out on your/Don's behalf. You can't risk your health,

Imogene. Get an elder law attorney to help you out with the proper procedures,

etc. I think that with your health problems they have to swing into action and

find a place for Don or some full-time help for him at home.

Prayers and speedy intervention,

Joan

> >

> > Darling Sherry in Colorado, How do I answer such a loving insightful

> > letter? First,

> > I am sure by now you have read that I will not be going to the NH with

> > Don. The Doctor settled that for me today.

> >

> > Yes, I always think I can do it, whatever " it " is. I tend to be a more

> > positive person, and never know my limits.

> >

> > The Doctor told me today that she has been watching me going down for

> the

> > past few months, and I must take a rest.

> >

> > One thing though that seems to escape my children, is that I have been

> the

> > one trying to place him in a suitable NH. This is the fourth NH. I did

> > realize down deep somewhere that I couldn't handle anymore.

> >

> > Darling I am not mad at you. How could I be? You are such a sweetheart

> and

> > are trying to save me before I completely fall. That is real love. And

> I

> > Thank you.

> >

> > The matter of fact way of talking to Don was very early in his disease.

> I

> > don't do that now. I did tell him I was at the Doctor's today, and had

> to

> > go back for test.

> > I may say to the list that I have to go home, but I sure don't say that

> to

> > Don. Home is a " no " word.

> >

> > I wrote the following to Don's cousin;

> >

> > We placed our beloved Don in a lock down facility near our house, on

> > Monday. Tuesday I couldn't visit, because I was totally exhausted.

> Wednesday he

> > lit up like a Christmas Tree, when I did visit. Again yesterday I was

> not

> > able to go to see him. But, today, I did. He was lethargic, would hardly

> eat,

> > and hardly acknowledged my presence. I fed him some and then he said he

> > was full. I took him to bed, and he was asleep before I could kiss him.

> His

> > state left me feeling very bad for him. I saw him go downhill from a

> hearty

> > eater and walking, to barely being able to stand and not eating in less

>

> > than a week. I think depression has hit him big time. I so very much

> wish I

> > could do something for him.

> >

> > I had gone to the doctor, and was a bit late for lunch. Lunch? Ugh!!!

> Dry

> > Mac and cheese with no salt. A glob of very mushy zucchini Squash, and

> a

> > piece of plain cake with a dab of Cool Whip on it. I wonder if a hog

> would

> > have eaten it? The first NH sure did spoil me. They made delicious meals

> every

> > day.

> >

> > Love you dear, and don't fret when you want to rescue me. I asked for

> input

> > and you did so very lovingly.

> >

> > Your old long lanky (but fat) Friend In Texas

> > Imogene

> >

> >

> >

> > Love with a smile,

> >

> > Imogene

> >

> > Caregiver for my true Texas Gentleman Husband, who was diagnosed with

> AD

> > in '05, but correctly diagnosed with LBD in March '06.

> > A happy personality is contagious. Infect someone today

> > Yours Truly

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 2/26/2010 4:57:16 P.M. Central Standard Time,

> > salozier@ writes:

> >

> > Hello Imogene,

> >

> > Sorry I have not written but I have been down with illness and just did

> > not have the energy to use the computer. I have tried to catch up on

> what

> > you and everyone else are doing.

> >

> > First let me say that I am so happy that Don is in the NH, for both of

> > you! You have been caregiving non-stop for a very long time and you

> and I

> > both know the toll that takes on our bodies. I too refused to admit

> that I

> > was not " Super Woman " and could do it all. I see myself in you over

> and

> > over, always the caregiver, always wanting to make everything right,

> always

> > looking at how much more you can give and shutting your eyes to your

> own

> > needs. Yes I know you will tell me that you are taking care of

> yourself, I

> > would have told you that last Oct and Nov about me. That is just who

> we are,

> > period. And yes everyone around me told me I was going down, hitting

> the

> > wall, or what ever they say. Well they were right, I was wrong. My

> only

> > saving grace was the heartbreak that my Don died. Kind of makes me

> feel like

> > that movie " Sofie's Choice " (sp). Where she had to pick which of her

> two

> > children would live and die at hollocost camp.

> >

> > What has this all got to do with you Dear Lady, well (and I am crying

> as I

> > write this!) please, please, please lissen to those telling you that

> > others can help Don, you do deserve to take care of yourself, and we

> all love

> > you so much and don't want to suddenly have to deal with your death.

> So

> > there I have said out loud what a lot of us have been thinking and I

> hope you

> > are not mad at me but if you are I can take it because I care about you.

> >

> > I read your words to someone else about stating to Don in a mater of

> fact

> > way that you were going to work on the computer and that he seemed to

> > accept that. Well how about (and no I don't know that this will work)

> stating

> > mater of fact that " I have an appointment that I have to go to alone.

> I

> > will be back to see you soon. " It is not a lie, your appointment is to

> go

> > home and take care of yourself!

> >

> > Ok, I have had my say. Please believe me that every word was written

> with

> > love and caring. I so seldom posted when my Don was alive as I did not

> > have your strong and entergetic ability. But now that I have rested, I

> am

> > trying to give back to the group and to you. Your posts often kept me

> going

> > when I was at my lowest.

> >

> > Lots of love and hugs,

> > Sherry in Colorado

> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>