Re: The Pregnancy Club

[Guest guest]

,

I have lived through the awkward silences myself. Mostly with friends or

aquaintances. My dh has a huge (and I mean huge) family - at least 2

people are pg at any given time. And I have to tell you that they never

treated me with kid gloves. The ladies all included me in on pg and

children conversations and listened to me when I needed a friendly ear.

Best of all they will not let me get down on my situation. They are

upbeat and all convinced that eventually I will be pg. Their positive

thinking really does help.

Feel secure that people just feel awkward and it can happen in other

situations. People just don't know what to say. For instance, my dh and I

raise his 2 kids, they have lived with us since the ages of 2 and 4. For a

long time friends didn't value my opinions on raising kids. One friend

even suggested that I wouldn't understand a parent/child bond since I

wasn't a real parent. " It's not the same thing " . She went on to say that

I was neglecting my friends and putting too much into children that weren't

mine. Well I had never been so hurt by someone's words, and I know she

didn't mean to hurt me and I never let on that she had. Within 2 years she

had her first child, and she was eating crow. She was calling me stressed

out crying asking for advice. She actually apologized for being

insensitive to me when I first became a stepparent. Now that she had a

bond with her child, she could recognize the bond I had with my kids.

Being a bio parent meant nothing to me. These kids needed my love, time

and attention and I put them before the needs of my friends (I have always

been kind of the den mother of us all), and I don't regret it an ounce.

My biggest mistake in this situation was not confronting (nicely of course)

my friend. Eventually she sensed my hurt and realized on her own. But it

took nearly 2 years. So if you feel bad about this - speak up.

Good luck

Tara

Re: The Pregnancy Club

O.K., here's why I think I'm so prickly today. I was sitting at luch with

some of my friends. They know my whole story. Two have children and the

third announces that she is pregnant. So, I'm a little shocked and of

course jealous, but it is truly a wonderful thing so I congratulate her.

I'm even feeling pretty good and relieved that I am truly happy for her.

The conversation turns from who her ob-gyn is to morning sickness, and

everyones personal experiences. When I interject with my morning sickness

story, everyone gets quiet and lunch is suddenly over. Further

conversations don't include me. AAARGH! I feel like just because I

couldn't carry my baby that I they won't let poor join in their

reindeer games!

Anyone else experience this? It seems to be the opposite of the 'pregnant

women are everywhere' problem. Any tips?

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[Guest guest]

Becca,

I understand completely. It is almost like people forget that I was pregnant

before, or that it doesn't " count " . I hear all about what I should expect

right now, and it is like they don't even remember that I was at this point

before! Ugh. Sure, at the beginning, my hormones were lower, but now they

are at the same level (just about). Try to take the way that these women act

as just ignorance on their parts.

Take care,

Krista