Re: AA - your new abusive family

[Guest guest]

Hi Apple ~

This was a post with a lot of food for thought.

AA... your new abusive family.

>

>Many a newcomer will feel comfy and cozy in the rooms of AA simply because

the dynamics of the group mirror that of the newcomer's abusive family.

Yes, and we feel " at home " because of the similarities. Then, they tell us

we feel " at home " because we are in the right place. (Our first

encouragement of magical thinking).

>Here's a list of things which qualify as abuse (taken from " Into the Light "

a Guide for Battered Women) (I've >dropped six items from the list as they

apply specifically to battered women, but let's look at the other >seven...)

I, for one, would be interested in reading the other six items if you feel

like posting them.

>Typical threats heard in the rooms...

>The newcomer quickly learns that to gain approval, one has to express

PRE-SCRIPTED FEELINGS. >Newcomers will watch by example, and will learn

quickly that by humiliating the self, one will gain approval, as >this is

seen as " getting honest " .

I noticed this; and that any time I showed any self-respect I was shunned.

>Derogatory names....

>

>The ideas that the member is to adopt of oneself are... powerless, insane,

diseased, alcoholic (for life), sick

Yes. When I read this it suddenly clicked with me why my cute blonde AA

friend was always saying I am " insane. " That always bugged me because I

wasn't the one with the mental health diagnosis. She was. But, if you are

hearing this sort of jargon all the time, I guess you also apply it to

others in addition to yourself.

>Denied affection as punishment...

>

>The newcomer quickly learns that attesting to the Miracle of AA will bring

hugs and pats on the back.

Well, guess what? They faked themselves out with me. The constant

disapproval and being ignored contributed to my leaving. I am a

free-thinker and don't accept things without question. I observed what was

going on at the f2f meetings I was going to and in the online groups I was

in, and had a lot of questions.

>* If you drink, you will die... Most relapses don't end up this way! In

fact the power of suggestion CAUSES many relapses to be more of a big deal

than they would have been otherwise.

The constant talk of members being in relapse made me realize this program

was completely ineffective. If it's so good, why is everyone in OA still

fat? Why is everyone still not " abstinent? " I want to see results before I

give my energy to a program. I never saw any. I just saw a lot of really

messed up people who seemed to feel they had every right to be rude,

selfish, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, nasty, and above all, wallowing in

self-pity.

>* Anyone who works the steps and becomes miserable (pretty typical after

your loving sponsor has >demonstrated to you that every resentment you have

is your own fault) is discounted as not having worked the >steps right.

I thought that business of turning everything ever perpetrated against you

into your fault was completely insane, speaking of insanity!

>* THE PROMISES are that you will be happy, joyous and free. However, to

arrive at the promises, you must >work the program. And to work the program,

you must adopt a rather negative self-image, confine yourself to >meetings

every day during which you recall the horror of your drinking days, and you

must continually put >yourself down while praising the program. But somehow,

under these conditions, you will arrive at " the >promises " . And if you

don't, it'll be because you didn't work the program right.

Well said! Great post. Thank you.

Snowy

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