Guest guest Posted November 24, 2001 Report Share Posted November 24, 2001 Dear Warren: Let me first say I wish I had such a considerate spouse as you! (I'm not married). Moving, indoor pool, joining a list... I have had to deal with a lot of losses in the past few years, activities being one of them. My list is also growing shorter all the time of what I can do and it sounds like this may be the case with your wife too. It is hard to go through and hard to watch someone you love go through it too. In addition to things like pain, dislocations, weakness and fatigue there can be many other problems that can sap a persons energy and motivation. Some days for me getting out of bed is an accomplishment. The days I can do more I try to do some gardening, go to a movie, go on day trips (like to a beach where I can have a nap before driving back), dining out in different places. I stick to places where I can park close. How about taking her out on a water tour/ cruise of a local waterway? WE have them here (I'm in NOva Scotia - harbour cruises for example, which are 2 hours - you can be made comfortable and just sit back and enjoy). I think just getting her out of the house every day would be important. That is why the gardening works for me. I have spent over 2 months planting bulbs that a healthy person would have done in a weekend - but I know I have a low energy task, that given enough time I will get done. I know when I get out of bed there is something that awaits me. Are your wife's symptoms under the best control they can be? Like pain, sleep problems, splints for uncooperative joints. Pain and sleep loss can really burn through a person's energy and from my own experience the symptoms and resultant loss of function can lead to depression. I've been there and it is not a nice place to be. A person feels like she has lost herself; that she is no longer in charge or her life - her body and symptoms are. At least that is how I feel. But, you are right, you really need to find things she can do, and ideally that you can do together. Even if you take her for a drive every day and give her some rest periods to stretch and move around, that will at least get you out of the house. Pretty soon it will be time to drive through neighbourhoods looking at CHristmas lights - maybe she would enjoy that. I hope these suggestions give you some ideas. Best of luck! Joyce N Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2001 Report Share Posted November 24, 2001 Hi Warren, Welcome to this list! I think that all that you have done for your wife is really terrific, and understand your frustrations, as I also try to deal with my husband's physical limitations. One thing that I did think about when I read your letter was the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. In one section, the author talks about the different ways that men and women approach problems. Of course, these books are always generalisations, but often the information is so true. Women like to talk about their problems a lot, in great detail. The mere fact of discussion often makes them feel better, even without resolution. Men like solutions. Talking about a problem at great length with no 'light at the end of the tunnel' is frustrating and for some, makes them feel inadequate. I wonder if some of your frustration with the situation stems in part from not being able to fix things? This could be especially true if you wife wants to talk about her limitations in an effort to soothe her own frustration. If this is true, then one of your most important jobs is to listen and sympathise, and keep in mind that by listening patiently you are really helping. That's not to say that you shouldn't look for answers, but if there is no total solution, dont take that on personally...it is not your fault. Many of us here have, over time, had to accept that there is no perfect solution, but there is also plenty of scope for making the best of what can be. In the meantime, people here can give you some of both...some practical suggestions AND some emotional support! Look forward to getting to know you, Glenda Canberra Australia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2001 Report Share Posted November 24, 2001 Hi Warren, Welcome to this list! I think that all that you have done for your wife is really terrific, and understand your frustrations, as I also try to deal with my husband's physical limitations. One thing that I did think about when I read your letter was the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. In one section, the author talks about the different ways that men and women approach problems. Of course, these books are always generalisations, but often the information is so true. Women like to talk about their problems a lot, in great detail. The mere fact of discussion often makes them feel better, even without resolution. Men like solutions. Talking about a problem at great length with no 'light at the end of the tunnel' is frustrating and for some, makes them feel inadequate. I wonder if some of your frustration with the situation stems in part from not being able to fix things? This could be especially true if you wife wants to talk about her limitations in an effort to soothe her own frustration. If this is true, then one of your most important jobs is to listen and sympathise, and keep in mind that by listening patiently you are really helping. That's not to say that you shouldn't look for answers, but if there is no total solution, dont take that on personally...it is not your fault. Many of us here have, over time, had to accept that there is no perfect solution, but there is also plenty of scope for making the best of what can be. In the meantime, people here can give you some of both...some practical suggestions AND some emotional support! Look forward to getting to know you, Glenda Canberra Australia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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