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,

Keep up the good work! Your newflashes are a riot. Love 'em

Jan

News Flash

NEWS FLASH!!!

*************************************

A.A. MEMBER SAYS SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE!

*************************************

Last night in a church hall in Waltham Mass. a member of Alcoholics

Anonymous was heard to utter statements that could only be interpreted

as rational and intellectually sound. These remarks were made by Milton

LaGrange of Braintree, Mass. who came to his senses shortly after they

passed his lips.

He was the featured speaker at the regular Saturday night meeting, and

was telling his rum soaked tale for the umpteenth time when all of a

sudden he suffered a severe case of program block. For a full five

minutes he was unable to utter a single AA phrase, cliché, slogan, or

any other twelve step fiction. At the end of this time, Mr. Lagrange

still clutching the Big Book(AA's Bible) in his left hand, stormed out

of the hall depositing the sacred text in the waste basket as he left.

Dumbstruck Witnesses were unable to repeat the lucid remarks for fear of

the impact on their own membership status. Incapable of handling the

implications of Mr. LaGrange's remarks, the crowd became agitated and a

riot quickly ensued. The panic stricken attendees trampled one another

in a mad rush for the coffee dispenser. The literature table was looted

and overturned. Metal folding chairs were flying everywhere as newcomers

fled in horror. Oh the humanity!

After the melee subsided, people began furiously working their tenth

steps, cleaning up the mess, attending to the wounded, and making amends

except when to do so would harm them or others.

Damage to the church hall is estimated at seventeen thousand dollars.

Alcoholics Anonymous would not comment due to its tradition of avoiding

controversy, but did offer that our mention of Mr. LaGrange would not be

considered a breach of anonymity, as he was no longer a member because

he failed to meet the only requirement of AA membership which is a

desire to stop THINKING.

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