RE: Emotional Eating

January 30, 2005

Looks like the Titanic has struck another iceberg.

It is not only " fat " children who get hammered.

We have had two children who were berry small (short and fine boned) for

their age. Everyone made a real fuss over them saying " Oh, how darling! "

and so on. We have also had some children who were large (Tall, large

boned, not to be confused with fat, just large children) and they were

viewed much differently. They were expected to be far more mature than

their siblings who were small, petite and " cute " . Now, to carry this

whole thing a step farther, children who have some sort of handicap are

also viewed differently by the public in general.

They are often segregated from the " normal " youngsters and shuffled off

into another class or group.

Want to carry this a little further?

How many time have any of you been in a restaurant and heard the

waiter/waitress say " What does he/she want? "

My Ex was a woman of significant stature. When we lived in Colorado

(home of the Twigs type folks) she had to go to Lane for

clothing.

When we moved to Oklahoma (home of the full sized folks) one of the

comments Barb made was " Oh wow! I can even go into Wal-Mart and buy my

clothes. "

, you are correct in that all of this leaves many folks with a

real self image problem and lots and lots of hurts.

Where did you used to go when you were hurt? Yup, into Mother's lap and

snuggle down. Where did you get your comfort when you were a wee tiny

baby, from the feeding you got in Mother's lap.

Lots of us remember the great food our Grandmothers prepared. It was not

celery sticks, raw cauliflower and broccoli, it was good old fashioned

chicken and dumplings, fried chicken and mashed taters with lots of

gravy, biscuits laden with real butter and homemade jam and those

wonderful cakes nearly crushed with creamy rich icing.

For those of us who were teens in the Fifties and Sixties a good

hamburger with some crunchy fries and a delicious malt was a real reward

on a Friday night.

You took your favorite girl to the ice cream parlor for - not sugar free

cookies and low carb bread - a cherry phosphate and a scoop or two of

ice cream...

Now, what do you suppose you might do to comfort yourself after a hard

day or during a stressful situation?

I can assure you that men have emotions just as strong as women. Men

have feelings, fears and insecurities - just like women.

There aint no difference my friends.

Cy, the Ancient Okie...

Emotional Eating

lol Mark no man likes to talk about emotions but the fact of the matter

is, each of us are emotional beings. I know that you were mostly kidding

in your post to me, however, part of you was serious. Emotional doesn't

mean a female wedged in a skirt having PMS. That isn't at all what

emotional means. Sorry you see it that way.

All of us feel anger, frustration, depression, sadness, happiness, and

so on. To say that you are not an emotional person just is not true...

all of us are! I know that you were half kidding on this post, but, the

truth of the matter is, many do eat for emotional reasons.

Let me give you an example. Often times eating food can be used to

remove the feeling of an anxiety. Perhaps a person has stress at their

job, they pull through the local fast food dive, get 2 cheeseburgers,

large fry, large shake, and eat them all and then for some odd reason,

the anxiety they feel about their job leaves *temporarily*.

By eating the food, and it removing the anxiety of the stress at work,

this as negatively reinforced to that person that over eating is a good

thing, it removes anxiety, and this will cause the person to do it more

frequently.

This is a form of negative reinforcement... it temporarily removes the

anxiety so the person does it more frequently. Why do you think

diabetics eat large milk shakes, cookies, and so on... they are using

food to remove an anxiety of quote I can't eat and this stress/anxiety I

don't like to feel unquote.

Still others eat because they are not happy with themselves. For

example, they look in the mirror and say I am fat, I don't fit in with

others, screw this! Perhaps they were picked on their entire childhood

for being fat. A male child abused like that won't have any emotional

consequences from that emotional abuse? Sure they will. My wife sees 45

to 65 year old men who talk about how they were emotionally abused their

entire childhood being called fat, ugly, and so on. It really does

effect their emotions.

A person who has been fat their entire life, from childhood on, has

suffered intense emotional abuse for most of their life.

Did you know that pretty and thin kids in our culture are reinforced

that they are cute, loved, and perfectly fine based on their looks? I.E

adults say " how cute you are little darling " or " aren't you a doll/you

are so pretty " . Yes, sad as it is, our culture states that good looks is

what is important. On the flip side, kids who are fat, not as

attractive, adults treat them *silently* different. They don't look at

them the same, they don't interact with them the same, and an innocent

child picks up on this silent emotional abuse. The ugly duckling/fat

duckling is being told time and time again that you are different, you

are fat, and you are not a fit for our culture. Then they hit age 10 to

13, teen years, and are told through those years your fat, ugly, and not

as pretty or handsome as we thin cute kids are. Get away from us!

So, a child who is not cute, may be fat, has it rough in our culture...

the fat child feels bad about themselves, they are experiencing an

anxiety from the culture, adults, people around them in general. They

eat and the anxiety leaves and it brings temporary relief to the

anxiety. It is negatively reinforcing to the person that eating makes

them feel better about themselves.

However, can you see the distortion here? The person hates themselves

because they are fat. However, to remove the anxiety of that situation,

they eat which brings temporary relief to the anxiety then afterwards,

they hate themselves even more for doing it. This, my friend, is a

vicious circle that requires counseling and is rooted deep in the

emotions of a person stemming clear back to childhood.

While you might be cracking up at this Mark, I am certain others on the

list reading this are saying oh my God, this really makes sense and is

touching my heart.

No one just overeats for the sake of over eating, in my opinion, most

eat to remove a hidden anxiety and often times, they have no clue what

it is, why they do it, and the reason they think they over eat is never

the real reason and this is all found out in counseling.

I'd be curious to see what others think on list here? Do most people eat

for an emotional reason? To remove a form of an anxiety?

Thoughts?

Regards,

Re: caffeine

now this is very interesting, eating, no, over eating, is an emotional

problem. never seen my self as emotional, but I like to eat thing I

shouldn't eat and I eat more of what I eat, cause I have an emotional

problem. I find out three years ago I am type two diabetic and now I

am

finding out I have an emotional problem to boot. next thing I will

learn, is

I was suppose to be a woman, instead of a man. could be I just figured

it

out for my self. this is why I over eat and eat crap I shouldn't eat,

I am a

woman in a man's body. has to be like is saying, no way can a

man be

emotional. only the females have this problem with emotions. I don't

have a

period each month, nor do I have p m s every other day, nor do I hide

candy

under my bed. the only real problem that I have is, I enjoy the hell

out of

eating good food. I went to the school for the blind in Muskogee

Oklahoma

and there we could have all we wanted to eat at every meal. now they,

being

the school, decided to put me on the diet table, because I was to fat.

so I

decided to join the wrestling team and be the heavy weight, just so I

could

stay off the diet table and you know what? it worked. and I hated

wrestling,

but I loved eating. probably should have went out for cheer leading

instead

and I would have had to loose weight to fit in those dresses that they

wore.

if I would have only knew back then, that I had emotional problems, I

would

be a thin man to day. my man! where was you and your wisdom

when I

needed you the most? you a good man, , but I just can't see me

with a

emotional problem, because I eat to much or can't stop eating what I

shouldn't have. you my friend are the biggest reason why I am doing as

well

as I am on this diabetes thing, but I can't get around this emotional

thing

that you are saying I might have. maybe I need to talk with your wife

and

ask her if you have ever had an emotional problem. cause if a fine man

as

your self has, then I might believe it is possible for a fine man as

my

self. but I really would be interested in hearing more about this

eating

disorder, because of an emotional problem that I have had since child

hood.

please don't take me serious, the gentlemen pig

January 30, 2005