Le Rat Race

[Guest guest]

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me such a perfectionist.

Why I'm so hard on myself when I make a mistake. I know my fear of

imperfection has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I am aware

that I have a serious " worry wart " problem. I have a terribly hard time

lightening up, enjoying what I have. And I'm very unforgiving of other

people's problems.

So I've named by big problem. I guess my question is where does it

come from? This crazy need to be perfect. Is it genetic? Some kind of

disease? Is it a learned behavior? Or is it religious guilt? All I know

is there's absolutely no point in trying to be perfect. Its a no win

battle. Everyone dies, makes mistakes, etc... Only a perfectionsist thinks

they can somehow pull it off. And a lot of people I know who try to never

mess up or the most miserable people on the planet. They cannot lighten up

unless they are on drugs.

My theory is that the reason behind my " affliction " is a mix of all of

the above: family pressure, society, religion, media, friends, etc... We

live in a very fast paced, unforgiving society. People don't like it when

you screw up. And I'm starting to think society is held together by people

being accountable and maintaning routines:

-the bus driver has to be on time, the mailman has to be accurate, the

bank teller has to count right, etc, etc... Maybe life just depends on a

certain level of perfection.

And in this day and age you can be perfect 9 out of 10 times, and

people will remember the one time you screwed up. So I guess we as a

society are very hard on one another.

An example is O.J. Simpson. The minute people finally figured out he

killed his wife and her friend, society ostracized him. All the sudden he

was the epitomy of evil. Everyone forgot his success at football, the Naked

gun movies, all the good he did. Now, all anyone thinks of him is, " evil

murderer. "

That all or nothing mentality that I constantly complain about. I

guess I bring this up because the holidays are coming up. And everyone's

going to be killing each other trying to make the " perfect Norman Rockwell

holiday. " Its my least favorite time of year. Because there's no joy in

it. Only headaches.

In final, I know I could blame my family for my perfectionist streak.

But that's too convenient. There's got to be more too it.

Thanks. Matt

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