lying

June 14, 2002

I too have experienced this with my son and I was

thrilled!!!!! LOL. Vicky

--- & Jack Rawlings <jamaraw@...> wrote:

> Hi List,

>

> I just wanted to report that this week my son lied

> to me!!!!!This is fantastic! This is such a

> cognitive milestone (even though it's a negative

> one).I never thought I would ever see the day that I

> would be overjoyed that my child lied to me.

>

> R

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

__________________________________________________

June 14, 2002

Hi List,

I just wanted to report that this week my son lied to me!!!!!This is fantastic!

This is such a cognitive milestone (even though it's a negative one).I never

thought I would ever see the day that I would be overjoyed that my child lied to

me.

R

June 14, 2002

,

It sounds so ridiculous, but only to someone with an unaffected child. To me

it sounds great. I wonder if my daughter will ever lie to me, I hope so.

Tana

> -----Original Message-----

> From: & Jack Rawlings [mailto:jamaraw@...]

>

> Hi List,

>

> I just wanted to report that this week my son lied to me!!!!!This

> is fantastic! This is such a cognitive milestone (even though

> it's a negative one).I never thought I would ever see the day

> that I would be overjoyed that my child lied to me.

>

> R

June 14, 2002

I agree, it does sound funny, but...I'm very happy for you.

My son the other day did something very deceptive and I too

was thrilled. He somehow got the bottle of soy sauce out of

the fridge (which is locked). He was sitting on the couch

and I was in the next room. I knew if he saw me coming for

it he would frantically start pouring it out on the carpet.

My daughter was closer, so I called, " Ma-n-d-y! " He looked

at me and couldn't decide if I was looking at him and saw him.

So, he started to dump some, hesitated for a split second, then

set the bottle between his legs, " played stupid " , and did his

typical vocal play, " ahhh-gahh-dahh " , while watching me with his

typical peripheral vision.

I thought this was hysterical.

A few days before this, (one of our late nights with him) about

4:30 am. I put a video on and he was starting to simmer down on

the couch. Not wanting to crowd him, but exhausted, I laid down

opposite of him with his feet towards me. He started banging on

my legs then when I didn't respond said, matter of factly, " Sleep " .

(He has very very rare spontaneous speech, but loves to " play

stupid " to hide his skills from people to keep their expectations

down for task avoidance.) Again...I am thrilled.

Also, he is trying to antagonize his sister who is pretty good with

him, but she is trying to " help " more with him. This would be great

if he wasn't so aggressive lately and if she wasn't reinforcing his

aggression. But he does it to " pick a fight " with her, I'm becoming

more and more convinced. This one, not so funny, but still...I see

it as progress as long as I quickly shape it.

Thank you for the chuckle about your " lying " son.

Shirley

--- In @y..., " & Jack Rawlings " <jamaraw@a...>

wrote:

> Hi List,

>

> I just wanted to report that this week my son lied to me!!!!!This

is fantastic! This is such a cognitive milestone (even though it's a

negative one).I never thought I would ever see the day that I would

be overjoyed that my child lied to me.

>

> R

>

March 13, 2007

It might be just a stage, how old is your son?

-Jenn

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs Anxiety)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Lying

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't

you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but

this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 13, 2007

It's because our wonderful kids have inflexible thinking. They can't see that

it would be nice to ask mom, " how was your day? " . They can't see that something

they did could actually cause trouble. Also,,,,,,,,,they're quite

argumentative. hee hee

CyberMommyLJA@... wrote:

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything

and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 14, 2007

That's so strange as my son Jake never lies. You can always ask him

something and expect the truth. He couldn't lie to save his life!

My daughter (non-Aspie) is 4 and lies about everything. We are having such

a problem with it.

Tracey Shockey _MYspace_

(http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile & friendid=13263\

4800)

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March 14, 2007

Barbara,

My 10 1/2 yo AS has a degree in lying I think. He too swears he is telling

the truth even when caught in the lie, it is very sad. A psychologist we

went to said if he admits he was wrong or made a mistake then his entire

world would be wrong. I had problems with that, there has to be some

accountablity taught. I keep hoping he will out grow this but he has always

lied.

Suzanne

-- ( ) Lying

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't

you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but

this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 14, 2007

My daughter does this too, sometimes but she honestly thinks she's telling

the truth. It's hard to decide sometimes. We try to correct her but don't

make too much of it unless it's obvious she's lying and knows it which is

rare.

Jill

<mailto:jacysmom@...> jacysmom@...

March 14, 2007

In a message dated 3/13/2007 10:28:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

jrisjs@... writes:

> Also,,,,,,,,,they're quite argumentative. hee hee

Naw, ya think? Mine will argue for the joy of the fight.

His new lie is " I don't remember " and that's totally nonsense, because he

darn well remembers stuff, he just doesn't want to get punished for lying.

Whatever hair I haven't pulled out by now is surely graying....

Barbara

March 15, 2007

I for one am glad to see this addressed. I am so used to seeing that

aspergers people don't lie. My boys will both lie at the drop of a hat.

Simple things like did you get up during the night and play computer.? NO!

Well, then why is the computer on?. They lie about things that don't even

really matter. I can't stand lying... Ask about homework and they have done

it at school or don't have any and we don't find out until progress reports

come out that there are assignments missing... (of course since n quit

school we don't have to worry about his homework ;(

( ) Lying

>

> Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

> anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why

don't

> you

> believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's

NT,

> once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but

> this

> is something else.

>

> Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

>

> Barbara in NJ

>

March 15, 2007

When my son was under the age of 5 he was so honest. It never dawned on him to

lie. Now that he's 7 he lies alot. It makes me mad too. And he's a really bad

liar! It's like he doesn't have the ability to make up a good one! I'll watch

him hit his brother, or do something destructive and he denies it completely. I

hope this works itself out. He doesn't seem to understand why lying is wrong.

(But other than that he is a really cool kid! :-) )

Liz

Houston

Toni Barker <kbtoni@...> wrote:

I for one am glad to see this addressed. I am so used to seeing that

aspergers people don't lie. My boys will both lie at the drop of a hat.

Simple things like did you get up during the night and play computer.? NO!

Well, then why is the computer on?. They lie about things that don't even

really matter. I can't stand lying... Ask about homework and they have done

it at school or don't have any and we don't find out until progress reports

come out that there are assignments missing... (of course since n quit

school we don't have to worry about his homework ;(

( ) Lying

>

> Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

> anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why

don't

> you

> believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's

NT,

> once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but

> this

> is something else.

>

> Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

>

> Barbara in NJ

>

March 15, 2007

My son is 6 and given the opportunity - he'll lie. He'll do something right in

front of me and deny it.

What our psychiatrist recommended is to not 'engage him' - e.g. Don't ask him if

he did it.... , instead state the issue and the consequence e.g. we do not hit

each other, if you hit you will get a time out.... and of course you have to

follow-through with the counsequence. ...this works pretty good for us.

I've also picked up some books on telling the truth etc... my son and I like the

Bernstein Bears, they have several books addressing social skills, everything

from telling the truth, going to the dentist, bad case of gimmee's etc....

If I really need him to tell me the truth about something, we'll read the book

first and then talk about what happended. I'll tell him he won't get in trouble

if he tells me the truth and sometimes he'll open up and talk to me about it.

This is a good time to get them to talk about how they felt when the situation

occurred.

Hope this helps....

Rhonda

-------------- Original message from CyberMommyLJA@...: --------------

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 16, 2007

Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie easily because they

don't mind telling the truth at all times.

Roxanna

( ) Lying

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't

you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but

this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 16, 2007

I'd have to say that because it's hard for them to see their part in any

wrong-doing or to see things " out of self " ........that lying is more of a trait.

When younger, my son really didn't intentionally lie. He would,,,,,,,but I

think it was because he honestly believed that what he said was true.

As he's gotten older,,,,,,it happens. But,,,again,,,,,,,,,,,he truly sees

what he's done/said as " the way it is " ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

So,,,,is it lying? I don't know.

Robin

Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote:

Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie easily

because they don't mind telling the truth at all times.

Roxanna

( ) Lying

Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything and

anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth and " why don't you

believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD, who's NT,

once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my lipstick!) but this

is something else.

Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

Barbara in NJ

March 16, 2007

My child starting doing this lately and it seems to be

as a joke. Does it just to push our buttons, I'm

sure. Sometimes the " lie " is revealed as a joke later

on, i.e. ( " I was just kidding " ). Other times it is

not.

On the bright side, I've heard that it can be a good

sign because kids on the spectrum often are too naive

to tell a lie or recognize one. So if they do fib, it

can signify that they've made progress along the

spectrum.

It can get to you when they're argumentative. What

helps me is to ease up on my own arguments. Once in a

while when I get exasperated I'll just agree, even

when I don't really agree. That can really get 'em

thinking!

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March 17, 2007

My daughter's psychiatrist says that her lying is a normal 4yo

trait. So the fact that she's moving out of the 2yo emotional state

now that she's 9 is a good thing. I tried not to laugh at him.

Meira

> Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie

easily because they don't mind telling the truth at all times.

>

> Roxanna

> ( ) Lying

>

> Is this an Aspie thing, or something else? DS lies about everything

and

> anything, and when confronted, swears he's telling the truth

and " why don't you

> believe me? " I know all kids lie to avoid getting in trouble (DD,

who's NT,

> once accused her father of writing on the TV screen with my

lipstick!) but this

> is something else.

>

> Aspie trait, or worse? I'm nervous.

>

> Barbara in NJ

>

March 17, 2007

In a message dated 3/16/2007 6:19:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

madideas@... writes:

> Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie easily because

> they don't mind telling the truth at all times.

>

Lies about everything, I don't know if it's a game, but he's pretty

convincing and makes me feel wretched about accusing him of not telling the

truth.

I know all kids lie to stay out of trouble, but I have to wonder why he lies,

knowing full well that I'll find out soon enough. Or is that another Aspie

thing, not being able to think things through?

Barbara

March 17, 2007

My son always tells the truth about how he's feeling, and that is very spectrum

type behavior. But this post catches my attention again because my son (7yrs)

told so many lies today. He told the truth when we confronted him with

everything. He lied about shampooing his hair in the shower (the shampoo bottle

never moved). He lied about throwing rocks at his brother. This is a skill he

has developed over the past 12 months and it's getting out of hand. It's almost

like he convinces himself that his lie becomes the truth and he's caught in his

story....unless we confront him.

Liz

Houston

CyberMommyLJA@... wrote:

In a message dated 3/16/2007 6:19:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

madideas@... writes:

> Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie easily because

> they don't mind telling the truth at all times.

>

Lies about everything, I don't know if it's a game, but he's pretty

convincing and makes me feel wretched about accusing him of not telling the

truth.

I know all kids lie to stay out of trouble, but I have to wonder why he lies,

knowing full well that I'll find out soon enough. Or is that another Aspie

thing, not being able to think things through?

Barbara

March 18, 2007

My now 16 year old Aspie has always been " painfully " honest. Pam

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March 18, 2007

They definitely can't think things through. has a lot of

trouble connecting her actions with her consequences. We had to

fence in our property with the latches all on the outside of the

gates, because she would see a butterfly and follow it, not bothering

to notice that she was wandering off... In our old house, when she

was 6, I woke up one morning at dawn to discover her walking INTO

the house. She had apparently gotten bored during the night and

walked three blocks to the playground! Oh my God. I spent the entire

day screaming, meeting with therapists, and drilling extra locks onto

all of the doors and babygates.

Sometimes I think her lying is so convincing because she really WANTS

it to be true that she didn't paint the sofa... at least now that

she's connecting Mommy's angry look and tone with her words about the

sofa...

One of her therapists is trying to teach me to not argue with her

about it, just to say something like, " I know you wish you hadn't

painted the sofa, and I know you did it, so this is the

consequence. " Don't yell. Don't argue. Just say it and move on.

When she freaks out, send her to her room like I always do when she

freaks out.

Meira

>

> In a message dated 3/16/2007 6:19:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> madideas@... writes:

> > Lies about what? Generally, people with autism do not lie easily

because

> > they don't mind telling the truth at all times.

> >

> Lies about everything, I don't know if it's a game, but he's pretty

> convincing and makes me feel wretched about accusing him of not

telling the truth.

>

> I know all kids lie to stay out of trouble, but I have to wonder

why he lies,

> knowing full well that I'll find out soon enough. Or is that

another Aspie

> thing, not being able to think things through?

> Barbara

>

March 18, 2007

Lying shows that the person (child) understands not only what happened, but what

you know about what happened. Then they also can usually predict, based on the

past, whether or not telling the truth would be in their best interests. (i.e.

if they get yelled at and grounded, it's best not to admit the truth, they may

think.) This means the child has " theory of mind " concepts - knowing what other

people know. This is a difficult concept for people with autism.

Roxanna

Re: ( ) Re:Lying

That's so strange as my son Jake never lies. You can always ask him

something and expect the truth. He couldn't lie to save his life!

My daughter (non-Aspie) is 4 and lies about everything. We are having such

a problem with it.

Tracey Shockey _MYspace_

(http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile & friendid=13263\

4800)

_Shaklee_ (http://www.shaklee.net/wellnessiseasy) Isn't it time to just

feel better?

Home of _GET CLEAN_ (http://www.shaklee.net/wellnessiseasy/getclean/index) ,

non toxic cleaners

Home of _CINCH_ (http://www.cinchplan.com/wellnessiseasy) , powerful and

proven inch loss

_Mia Bella_ (http://www.burningandearning.com/) the best candles you'll

ever burn

_Tart burners_

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March 18, 2007

wow, I know a girl who can lie to profection. She will do something right in

front of us and when questioned why she did it. She will stand her grounds and

say, yell, scream, cry, saying she didn't do it. She has also lied on others

and got them into so much trouble. Her parents choose to not do anything, I

assume (from what I've been reading here) to avoid a meltdown? a few years

later, I noticed she hasn't changed at all. I wonder what will happen when

she gets even older? I've also noticed when she gets someone in trouble with

her lies, that it doesn't make her happy. So, I can't see why she does it?

meiraharvey <meira-harvey@...> wrote: They definitely

can't think things through. has a lot of